I remembered I posted a thread with this same exact title, about
6 odd months ago. Strangely, the situation is almost the same. I
didn't want to post in AA because I can already guess what you
folks' replies would be.
But I needed an outlet, and I needed some external advices, even if
they're the same as the ones I gave myself.
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So me and my (ex-)girlfriend broke up. Her reason is simple - "No
more feelings". This was about... one month ago.
I've been trying to forget her. I've almost gotten over her. But a
string of emotions, a string of affection. It's still not
severed.
I don't know if I'm disillusioning myself, but I've been trying to
let it go. She has gotten herself a new boyfriend (which I think is
the real reason for the break-up). At least that's who I think he
is. She's moved on, but I'm still swimming in my well, seeing the
light day and night, but not being able to get out of the well. I'm
still circling the memories. Almost two years worth of memories. To
some it's like a blink of an eye. To me it was the best time of my
life.
I'm disheartened, and I feel like giving up, and let myself drown
in the well of sorrows. My three friends tell me to fight on. To
let it go.
I'm trying, but somehow, I'm failing... Like a vulture circling a
corpse, the sorrow refuses to leave. I constantly remind myself, I
will find someone better.
But my heart seemed to have lost the ability to love again.
Photography is the only thing which makes me feel alive again, but
even then, my camera cannot satisfy me. I feel like a zombie -
detached from the crowd around me.
Even when I'm with my friends of four years, I cannot feel myself.
I have problems blending in again. Then again, I never blended in.
To them, I was the arrogant kid who knew everything, except
humility. I didn't bother to try changing that opinion. I just
choose to exhibit what I know. Though, I feel better, instead, with
my new friends. The friends I've only known for.. six months (and
three months). They're from SGF, and they know who they are.
I don't know. I feel disheartened. I don't have the flame to fight
any more. I feel like just blending myself into the society -
quiet, mindless zombies.
