I want my freedom!

Hello Kitty SG

tell ur mother u oladi nt virgin liao. she sure will let u go de.

alba SG

the best thing is to listen and obey yr mum, she knows the best, and u won’t regret it.i am sure she concern abt u.HELLO MISS, u mum love u, after u married yr bf u can go anywhere u want.

Eiizumi SG

Report stolen passport.

Apply new one.

Go Bangkok with your mum knowing.

Let her cry for a few days.

Come back say mum I love you as much as I love freedom.

If she scold.,

you say, " I think I love freedom more."

Simple.

kopiosatu SG

get married, move out.

MamaRos SG

I guess there is no right or wrong parenting style bah.

When my Daughter No: 2 went to USA with her friends at aged 18, I gave her my blessings as I trusted her to take care of herself. She has been very independent since she was a pre-teen and never gave me cause for any concern.

TS, the only plausible reason I can think of as to why your mum is so strict is because of your tendency to behave impulsively and/or have gotten yourself into fixes before that needed your parents to extradicate you out from? Are you the tong tong hee type of girl that's why your mum so worried for you?

If you say you are responsible and not what I stated above, then your mum must have watched too many TVB dramas and think that once you are out of her sight, the worst case scenario will befall you.

I believe there are mums who are control freaks. My mum was and is still like that. It's HER way or I am an unfilial daughter. Evil or Very Mad Oh well, I survived the emotional blackmail and I only visit her when necessary to avoid her 'nostranamus' predictions of how my children will end up due to my parenting style. Duh...

Good luck to you TS. When I was 20, I rebeled lor... Razz better don't teach u what I did. Laughing

the_fallen SG

What I feel after reading your problem

1- Over Protective (mom)

2- You often Listen to her, thus she has the Total Control over you (and she will expect this same thing of total control of you if you don't wake her up and break free, short of rebel in a way, but do it gently)

3- Occasionally, speak to her, tell her what you want, and expect from her

4- Talk to her about marriage, to make sure she realise that you're not her young baby daughter 24 yrs back.

5- Talk sense, and use a softer approach, perhaps go shopping with her and have lunch and dinner than talk about it.

Don't confront her directly, if there's no distraction, your mom's defendsive barrier (out-dated & over protective mother feelings) will be up

6- Intro you bf to you mom, let her know that you're in safe hands and you have found someone whom you can depend on just like your mother having found your dad (remind her on this thus perhaps she will realise that you really have grown up)

<Precious> SG

You can't demand freedom just because you are over 21 years of age. Freedom must be earned so that your mom will trust you to be safe. Obviously, she hasn't much confidence in you yet especially when there's only 1 guy and 2 girls in the group. Besides, BK is notorious in that there is the existence of lotsa temptation which your mom obviously fears you may not be able to resist.......

The more you demand, the more your mom will resist giving her approval. Instead, employ the more mature and sensible approach of sitting down with your mom to have a quiet heart-to-heart talk. Doing this also shows your mom that you've grown up and able to handle your own stuff....... whereas demanding freedom is a most childish way that only reinforces your mom's disapproval that you haven't learnt to be sensible and still immature. Good luck! Very Happy

mancha SG

This kinda situation just don't happen overnight.
We have a mother and daughter relationship problem.

The mother's position at home is that of the matriarch, and it developed with a very obedient and kwai daughter. So the mother is snug in her position.
This setting is being upset with the introduction of the bf.
Fear now sets into the mother. Her position is threatened. She is losing her identity as a matriarch.
She reassert herself by imposing rules and restriction. The kwai daughter submits to the rules, and this reassures the mother.
Now the daughter wants to go touring, with her bf !. This is an assault on her comfortable position of authority, and she fears losing what she is accustomed to.
Fear manifests itself in the form of anger. So she scolds. Threatens and what not.
This situation will arise again when the subject of marriage crops up.

So, sit back and contemplate on the anger of the mother. Be calm yourself.
She is angry, but see it as fear.
How do you soothe the fear?
She need reassurance. She need to know that she is not losing her precious daughter.
The mother has provided security, comfort, love and assurance to the daughter all these years, now its time to reverse this show of love.
The mother needs assurance that her daughter will always be there, and that she can count on her daughter's love.

The problem is actually one of communication.
How does an inhibited generation express herself to a stubbon generation?
How does a modern day girl say to her mother "I love you". ?

ulquiorra87 SG

Why not, be financially independent, then move out? You can still contact your mom regularly, but she cant order you around.. Whatever reasons she might have for controlling you like that she shouldnt already now that you are grown up

strado SG

Tell your mum that your bf has promised to use two straws. Laughing

Boy Stratus SG

I totally dislike this 'logic' that going home before 12am & everything gonna be just fine. Tell her, are there any rules around that said bad stuffs cant/aint happening before 12am? Rolling Eyes

skyblader SG

Origally posted by Yunhaier:

Your mum is a classic believer of 'I-trust-your-man-but-I-don't-trust-man-in-general'.

What a way to put it! I'm pleasantly surprised to find such valuable replies by the kind people in the forum. TS, do consider some of them. We are all trying to help Cool

Sheepophile SG

well my dad was a bit of that before but eversince i studied overseas they close one eye on many things liao. Embarassed

hiphop2009 SG

bingo.

if the couple want to "do" it, anytime, even anywhere dey can also do it de lo, nt neccessary at nite. as already said, sometimes those parents are juz being paranoid.

i_heart_icecream SG

yea man, i agree.. does your mum knows ur bf already? n does she like him? my parents really hated my ex (coz he did a lot of things that made them kan bu shun yan), n therefore didn't trust him at all. so everytime i went out was very stressful 1. until 1 day i decided to leave him... coz the pressure (coming from both my parents n my ex) was just too much for me to handle. then i got another bf. he earned my parents' trust, n now i can go out in peace...

so, i was trying 2 say, make your mum trust your bf 1st.. best if he can help out in household chores.. haha

n ya lar, like what other replies were saying, maybe she's juz traditional n doesn't want her daughter to stay overnight with a guy b4 she gets married bah.. my mum also doesn't allow me n my elder sis to do so (n we're just slightly younger than u, so shldn't be a great difference)

spencer99 SG

i know my wife (then gf) at age 23 and she is age 19.

I go to her house often and it is obvious that her mom likes me...as i probably look honest and stable....

how course in reality i am like any other guy ha ha ha ha Mr. Green

anyway, gf and i did think about going overseas together.. but we know it is hard...

so we do it in sequence...

when she is around ur age 23, the two of us, with her sister and her sister's boyfriend went to Malaysia... on a short trip.. one night in Penang only... and then come home...

we stayed in seperate room.. boy-boy, girl-girl.... her mom is not too happy but go making her and her sister promise that they don't share room with the boys...

anyway... the next step, my gf insisted on going to HK with me only....

her mom object... actually MY parents are not too keen on the idea also.. although at that time, we know each other for like 4 years already...

anyway, she finally relented...

after that, quite easy already... to go.... because there is precedence...

and to be honest... if a couple want to have pre-marital sxx, doesn't have to go overseas together... in singapore also have opportunity....

so in a way, there is "nothing" your mom can "do" to "protect" you....

however, she might be thinking of safe-guarding your good name.. etc...

i would propose a few things..

a. does ur mom know your bf well? does she trust him?
b. did your mom shared with u thots of pre-marital sxx? did u share with her b4? for eg. when watching a tv show... you say say something like... "aiyah, this young couple should wait until marriage... etc etc...."

c. instead of bangkok with one other couple, why not start "small" first.. maybe go bintan with a big group in which your bf is in a group.... you know, nearer location and bigger group.

d. and then progress to two/three couples and two couples and finally just the two of u...

e. assure her proactively that u and your gf is sharing a room and the 'boys' will be in another room... this will show that u understand her concern.... and she will be happy.

Sorceror SG

Originally posted by melody83:
have a quarrel with my mum yesterday about i wanting to go to Bangkok with my friends (her and her bf) and my bf in Sep. But my mum strongly against it so she scolded me and my friend for inviting me to go Bangkok with her and her bf. Mum even said my friend "People hiao, u also hiao. People go tour with bf why must invite both of u?"

I really cannot stand my mum. i really don't see that there is anything wrong for going for a holiday with my bf. I already 24 and my bf 28. Me and him have been together for 4 yrs. And y must all this sort of nonsense be happening to me? Cannot go chalet, cannot go anywhere that must stay overnight. Cannot go bf's house cannot come back before 12 midnight. Everytime go out with bf very stress, always must go back on time. If fail to do so, she make sure she scold me till i cry for two days before her anger goes off. Although she gives me what i want, she control my freedom. I get things i wanted but not freedom! Even hid my passport so that i cannot get out of the country.

y, y must she be like that.. she knows my bf dun smoke, dun drink, never go pub and all these..

i really wanna to go holiday with my friends and bf Crying or Very sad

not so bad as she cannot go holidays only but has the freedom not to come home early daily.... Laughing

X-men SG

she is afraid that you guys come back with a grand children

Detached SG

Well well, Yunhaier said it all.

I see your mom as the traditional mom - conservative and a tab too protective. The problem should be able to resolved if you can assure her that you're sensible enough.

You can probably start by negotiating more leeway, like what Yun mentioned in his earlier post - get your mom to extend the curfew gradually and all. The crux is to not agitate her and cause bad feelings, otherwise she would be more distrustful and cynical of your guy.

Good luck in winning her over, TS!

Shanks23 SG

Your mum really care for you she dont want you to like chi gui before you are married..So you should try ways to make your mum trust u that you wont do any stupid things if you go for tour or stay at your bf house..

Anyway if you are working and getting a nice paid job i suggest you move out if you want some freedom..but before 12midnite its alright ma..~~

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