I feel so alone in uni

last SG · 2007-05-11T18:05:01+00:00

Hey.. I'm also from NUS and I also don't have any close friends in NUS but that's ok for me. 'cause I think it's also a way of life in NUS. Due to our module...

whenwilllifegetbetter SG

This is kinda sad, but i feel like i have no friends at all...
I've been in NUS for 1 year already, and i haven't made any real friends. There are some 'regulars' that i sit with at lectures, tutorials, etc, but i've never gone out with them at all, not even for lunch, or after exams... and it doesn't help that we have this module system, where you see a different group of pple each semester... and worst of all, everyone around me seems to have a "clique" already, from their sec sch or jc, so nobody really wants to befriend me Crying or Very sad
i don't enjoy the company of my CCA mates, i just find them very silly and childish... i don't feel like laughing at their jokes. is there something wrong with me? i used to have some friends in jc, sec sch, but i noticed that each year, the number decreased, until now it'd zero Crying or Very sad i find myself getting more and more withdrawn each year... i had one friend in sec sch who was in my class for 4 years, and in sec 3 she told me that i used to be fun (in sec1&2), but i became less fun and more serious. I had another friend who was sort of best friends with me in lower sec, and then she sort of 'dumped' me towards the end of sec 2, and really left me all alone. And i think ever since then i've been avoiding getting close to anyone. But i know i'm over that now, i really,really, really wanna have close friends again, friends that i can go out and eat with, go shopping, watch movies, and just bum around with, share my problems with. the problem is, i don't know anyone that i would really want to have as a friend. I hate nus, i feel like an alien here, everyone is just so different... i felt that way in jc, but to a lesser extent. And now i keep discovering that people that i see in classes and cca,pple i used to know in sec sch, are organising outings and they don't even bother to ask me. Crying or Very sad but anyway it's not like i really enjoy their company... and i keep getting the feeling that everyone in nus looks down on me, cos i'm not very outspoken/glam/popular.
i'm so screwed. why do i not like doing the things that other people like to do? it seems that people in nus like to eat at fancy places, plan trips to hongkong,europe, etc. somehow i find that these things very extravagant, take up a lot of money, but not meaningful, or fulfilling... and i don't feel excited about going to europe,etc, yet all around me people seem so cheery about it. i don't get it! are they just being fake, and pretending to be excited, just to seem interesting? Or maybe travelling the world and eating at fancy restaurants is a joy that only rich pple(more than half of nus) can understand? Even with the money i earn from my vacation jobs, even though it's enough to do those things, i don't feel any excitement about those activities. i'msosad Crying or Very sad And speaking of vacation, this must be the worst vacation ever, cos i've got no friends to go out with... just work,work,work. and my family, although they are bearable, there's just no common ground for me to be close with them, we're all so different...
maybe there's soething wrong with me, maybe i should go see a shrink...
nowadays i just feel that life is so meaningless. is it possible to die from loneliness? as in loneliness of not having friends... see i'm so sad and lonely, i don't even care abt getting a boyfriend, i'd be happy just to have a few nice pple as close friends... what do you think i should do? how do i find nice pple to be friends with, when everyone i know doesn't seem like my kind? maybe i am too gloomy a person... if i had the money i'd leave the country and start afresh, cos' there's nobody here worth staying for. Crying or Very sad
P.S. sorry for the extremely long post.

KrU SG

Don't feel so sad. You still have 3 years in NUS so you should have no problem finding friends that share the same interests as you. Don't mind me asking what CCA did you join? Maybe you can be more proactive and ask people out or just kindly remind them to include you in their activities. Have a happy mind and always think positive then you wouldn't feel so lonely. I'm also from NUS so if you have any problem maybe can just find me haha. Cheer up Very Happy

allentyb SG

Rolling Eyes

Neutral Neutral Neutral

Ito_^ SG

maybe u can choose the lesser of two evils and join em in their posh restaurant frenzy. Laughing

AndrewPKYap SG

maybe you can find a gf / bf instead? jia u ba…

Deportivo SG

are you the male or the female of our species?

the Bear SG

hey.. look up the other forums around sgforums...

there are activities all the time from the v expensive makan sessions (to tung lok and 333) to cheaper ones like what we just did at Zam Zam Smile

or you can join us when we go to places like Sentosa and if you are inclined towards sports, you can look up zodi and her badminton kakis...

expand your horizons and social circle... no need to just look around in NUS Smile

besides, in Club 30, we got a dude in NUS too Smile

fudgester SG

*ahem ahem* Mr. Green

rmyfrm SG

This is uni life; get used to it. Be thankful you're not in a faculty where 90% of the students are arrogant hypocritical unhelpful arses.

My first year of uni, before I met my partner, I joined a few societies because I felt the same way you did ... essentially I was bored. After meeting my partner though, and as time went by ... I stopped going and now I'm rather content with the way my life is. Even if my partner and I broke up, I very much doubt I'll do any socializing at all; I now have a group of friends who ask me out quite often, but so far I think I have only taken them up twice of the ... I don't know ... weekly offers?

Adapt; you're becoming an adult.

P.S.: If you're having that much time worrying about mundane issues like these ... you are either not putting enough effort into your studies, or bored (so get a hobby).

Yunhaier SG

People often seek for companionship with qualities similar to themselves - be it mindset, lifestyle, personality or even 'status'. Likewise, you should source for the same kind of friendship in that sense.

It's a vicious cycle - the more you reckon that people don't involve you in their activities or cliques, the more withdrawn you become. In that sense, you are the one that push people away, subtly, from you and not vice versa because everybody would be thinking that you prefer isolation but in actual fact, you don't.

And of course, the mind would take its defensive stance to protect itself, by believing that you do not 'need' them to survive in order to justify your rationale.

To evolve, you must take bold steps in implementing those changes.

i) Seek for self understanding. Do this exercise: jot down all your strength and weakness, likes and dislikes and include the things you are interested to pursue/learn/do.

ii) Seek for interest. By understanding what you like, you further yourself by pursing things that would generally make you happy and passionate about. The easiest way to make friends is when people have similar interest. And conversation is made easier in that sense, the initial scope of topics can revolve around the interest.

iii) Seek for acceptance. Understand that there are things you may not fancy, however, seek to understand that people are different. But being different doesn't mean you must project an extreme aversion to them. Walk in their skin and learn to see from their perceptive. In general, be more accepting to the people around you and at the same time, keep an open mind.

I hate cigg smoke, but that doesn't mean I avoid making friends with smokers. Seek to understand the importance of freewill and people's choice - accept the way things worked.

P.S: Welcome to the community of SGF - many have made lots of friends here. You can begin your first step by being an active member here. Wink

Cheers

necrolyt3 SG

I am also in uni this yr and i agree with you. Life is not like in sec and jc where we have a fix class and classmates. Different tutorial classes different classmates. If you are observant well enough, most of the people hang out with their old frens instead of their new found frens in uni. I am a bit lucky cos' i met a jc friend who is in the same course as me. But i do have the same woes as you. It's hard to make frens.

Keep urself open. Dun worry if ur frens are childish or not suitable for you. If u shut urself down, people can sense it. They will steer away from you, and u will not be able to get pass ur own barrier. There is also something called 2nd, 3rd degree friends. Ur so-called childish frens will intro u to their frens, and so on. Widen ur circle. You nv know, there might be one out there who is as lonely as you and yearns to be ur fren.

You need to try. We are all challenged by obstacles in life. You, me, everyone.

My fav quote: "look at my siggy." =)

Eiizumi SG

You can find other friends in other circles.

Look at me. I don't have colleagues other than my immediate bosses.

My parent company's colleagues don't even bother me.

Sometimes, I am all alone in my office without anyone disturbing me. Still I maintain that way. Cos' I know I still have other friends out there, to meet over my free time.

This is life, ups and downs. Just be optimistic in meeting people that may somehow click with you.

So what if you're poor or rich? Get to go places other people can't go?

The strongest people are people who somehow manage to stay in their own social cell with having to spend so much money just to entertain themselves.

Its one way or the other. Break free, or just stay in your own cell and be happy.

Its all in your mind.

ghimpheng SG

watch soccer Laughing

you just need to try to contact those pple instead of waiting for them to contact you

just walk up to them and ask if can have lunch together try to get to know them those with some common interest with you or were once friends

pqr SG

your university should have counsellors….go and have a chit chat with them 1st

hisoka SG

well if you want can go for some outings from sgf, i think got quite afew nus pple around here also if you want to have pple in nus.

no worries, on the bright side, being alone allows you to save lots of tiem and do things fast, like eat lunch or going home. no need to wait for pple etc.

done being serious so............ me near nus can come find me for dinner de Embarassed

Laughing

Rock^Star SG

I see a problem with self-esteem here.......you can't come to grips with yourself. Got a poor self-image........

Well, late growing pains? Most people at one point of time in their lives go through this, with varying degrees of severity.

Only time can really heal it.

Rock^Star SG

duplicate

Darkness_hacker99 SG

I wonder should I believe you or not. You doesn’t even sound mature.

CoolMyth SG

Come on lah, I spent 4 years experiencing the same thing and I'm still the old me. And I dun even join any club or society. Laughing

Truth be told, it's really hard to find like-minded friends in uni. Most of those that you know and meet will be the "hi and bye" type. That's the way it is.

Just carry on with what you're doing, dun feel so hard on yourself and everything will be fine.

soulwinner SG

Warmest greeting to sgforums..
I hope you will find accompany here,do post of your misery and unhappiness here and look forward to get advice from people of all walks of life..
I suggest that you open up yourself to the people around , whether in uni, others places. The world is a very unfair place to live in especially when you are unable to adapt it,mostly through the area of friend.
One advice for you, open up your door to all people.
Lastly, I hope that you are not a clone..

*Defination of clone: A very experience forumites that go around trying to attract attention...

My apologise for the offence... Very Happy

Yours regards,
soulwinner