Greetings !
I was "awakened" from my sad past, through a nightmare .
Today morning , at 2am+ i was trying to coax myself to sleep . I
couldn't . I was on MC today , so i cant switch on the lights to
read or watch TV . I began "counting sheep" and gradually fell
asleep ... But what followed wasn't what i expected .
I dream of my dad beating me up because i scolded vulgarities and
hurled abuse at my sis . My dad was angry as a result and he began
to slap and beat me up . I was very defiant and made him more angry
... He beat me even harder ..
All was ended when i woke up .. However , i was feeling very scared
and frightened . Tears trickled down my cheeks . The reason being
that this was no ordinary nightmare . What i dream happened to me
many years ago , when i was very young . Me dad would beat me up
very harshly whenever he was very angry with me . He used a cane
(very ordinary , it didnt make any impact on me .) , belt with
buckle , and last but not least, his hand . Dont underestimate his
strength . If he gives you a wack on your hand , your skin will
swell a little .
There was this punishment he gave me, which brought tears to my
eyes when i remembered it . Have you guys seen before TV shows
where the husband grabs the wife's hair and pulls and yanks ?
Instead of doing it to others, my dad used that method on me , when
he exploded in rage . He would grab my hair and pull violently for
3secs . The next day, i would get a series of headaches .
The belt punishment . My sis and I dreaded this . Altho i mentioned
buckle , i couldn't remember any occasion where he used the buckle
to inflict pain on us . He only used the strap as a substitution to
cane . It hurts alot more than cane .
My dad has since ceased to show such violent behaviors , since we
all had grew up . I never blame anything about him , for i know
that i did something wrong and i ought to be punished . My dad is a
very loving man . He would feel remorseful after he gave us such
punishment .. But i guess the hurt inflicted on me is too deep . I
forbid anyone criticizing my dad, for i know he's a great man
.
Anyway back to myself ... I just couldn't control my emotions .
Remembering this sad and violent past just never fails to bring
tears to my eyes...Why is this so? 
