My friend said that i'm anti-social cos i don't foster deep
bonding with them but on the other hand, im not there interested in
their activites in the first place. I have other preferances but
then, i haven't been purposely pursuing them yet. Different people,
when come together creates different synergy and chemistry. I just
found that i can't really click with them, though i have been
hanging out with them for quite sometime. i'm always the
wall-flower and in the shadow. These people do not really
understand the real me. Lately, i have a fall-out with one of them
and it is really bad. Common friends lament me and scolded me and i
felt darn sad..Perhaps i haven't handle the things not very
correctly but then i never intended to hurt my friend. I used to
consider this friend as very good friend but now both parties
feelings are hurt. I just don't feel the same anymore when i see
her. Infact, seeing her remind me of there incident which was never
intended to be and thus make me feel guilty.
After this incident, i have began to question the value of
friendships and whether i should patch up with her. Is it my fault
for laying myself in this "trouble" in the first place? Perhaps,
when i know i can't really click with them, i shouldn't have hang
out with them. I was thinking of being open-minded and tolerant of
people who are different than me but i just found out that.. being
different.. brings out alot of unfufilling unhappiness in me. It is
a pity that i have to let her and some of the friends go but then
im glad we aren't enemy. it is a pity cos i have spent energy,
emotion, efforts and time on it. It is a pity things have to turn
out there way and i'm sorry for causing it.
