Its been nearly a week now and the pain is still as raw as the
first day. My gf, the light of my life, just called it quits. God,
it still hurts ...
At first, I just reacted with shock and then anger, then emotions
just went for a rollercoaster ride. Happy, sad, extreme grief,
regret. I was feeling so clingy, that any scrap of attention she
gave me I was so grateful and happy about it.
She said she just wants to be friends. So we talked about normal
stuff and all. Yet when I tried to talk more serious things, she
just either clams up or ...
She said she's just beyond all feelings of frustration and grief.
Said everyone who heard her tale just told her ... leave him. Said
that I neglected her, did not appreciate her, didnt truly care for
her needs, didnt share her interest, and was cruel, callous and
nasty. Called and accussed her of all sorts of things and names
during arguments.
Thinking back, I just feel so stupid. Always felt smug with myself
for having such a beautiful girl in my life. And when she's gone,
just a huge chunk of my life is gone. All the things she said was
true. Every single word. ....
I just couldnt believe it at first. Begged her to stay on - she
said I could do watever i wanted, but she wanted no part of me
anymore. No more pain, grief for her. She wants her own life and
her own path.
We agreed to a 'cooloff period' but I think its just plain
hopeless. Anytime we talk something more serious, beyond what
'friends' talk, she just balks and back off. She's just dead on the
inside.
I'm just lost. There's so much more to tell, but I just cant think
coherently. I've tried begging, pleading, cajouling ... nothing
works. So much so I've begun to fear the pain that all this
activities cause, when she just brushes it off.
She said there's no hope anymore. After talking for hours with her,
I begun to see that.
Just lost and confused. Raw pain. Grief. Regret. Just cant sit down
alone and do nothing, cause all manner of stupid thoughts intrude
my mind, including suicide.
Help ... please ... anyone?
