some perspective needed

Isis SG · 2007-02-14T15:37:42+00:00

Be yourself. Be happy. How long can you pretend to be someone you are not?

Isis SG

I could like to hear perspective from other people.

I personally freaked out, when someone attempt to integrate their interests with me which i obviously not interested in.

I need my own spaces to develop and air to breathe.
I need to retain my own indentity.
Thus i have recently torning myself away from this group of friends whom i have hanged around with for quite some time.

I think our interests are very diverse and i have been going towards another direction.

I'm sick of conforming to their interests and not expressing myself rightly.

But in the admist of attempting to drift away from them, i think i hurt some friends.

i don't want to hurt friends.

udontknowme SG

you cant please everyone

if your friends are trying to force their values on you, and you really dont like it, i dont see why you should not leave.

very few pple stick with the same group forever

maybe its time you make new friends

?

Isis SG

But i do not want to hurt friends in the admist of doing so.

Torning away is hard.

Bontakun SG

Maybe you can politely reject? Accompany those who tried to impose their interests onto you less often? Maybe by then they get the idea you are not that interested.

Or maybe you got any friends, those who share similar interests as you, who happen to be friends with theos friends, who don't share same interests as you, of yours too? Can get them to help you abit. Maybe go out with them more and enjoy the time. Then maybe they can somewhat spread to the other friends?

These only the few ideas I got so far...

ulquiorra87 SG

See thats the problem with collectivism (i.e Singaporean culture) you are pressured to 'belong' 'fit in' whilst ignoring what you are really interested in or who you are.. luckily you are aware of the choice of whether to fit in or not

my advice is to follow your interests regardless of your friends.. this way you would know who your true friends are and you dont betray your identity.. 2 pluses and nothing to lose Mr. Green but fake friends

udontknowme SG

how close are you to them now??

no one has hurt you before???

no one is going to remember everyone they have ever met in their lives....

Isis SG

Very close to one of them..

so-so to the rests.

MMm yes i got hurt before but i have forgave and forget it already.

i feel real bad when they treat me very nice and i'm not really responding very well to them.

I'm torn between finding and being my true self, to dealing with obligation and conforming to others.

Bontakun SG

Maybe you can try to learn more about those interests they try to involve you in. Why they like doing it. Whats so good about it? Why you don’t like it?

Isis SG

But i just don't feel the passion and interest in it.

Different outlook in life.

It might work ... if im dealing with friends not on a daily basis.

However, i have been seeing them almost everyday for lessons.

I don't feel being myself.

Bontakun SG

Then you can read my suggestions earlier on and try?

I am curious though... What interests are they involved in that you dun like?

Isis SG

Maple, cooking... and it seems nothing much already, other than going to school and gossiping about others.

I don't like to gossip about people. Of course i can be kaypo at times but i just don't like to judge people based on gossips. I don't maple. I seriously find mapling a serious waste of time.

It seems that their life evolve around themselves. I somehow don't find that mind-stimulating. I think it pretty much boil down to personal preferance and it is really nothing personal.

udontknowme SG

if you choose to stick with them, you can choose not to participate when they are gossiping
or try to change the subject

perhaps this is just a phase ??

its all up to you whether or not you want to stay with them
time will tell whether or not you people will remain as friends as the years pass

ulquiorra87 SG

well your suggestions still seem to try to compromise on a 'fit in'.. no offense though just my opinion Mr. Green

i still think you should just be direct on your values/interests

NotFromVenus SG

Do some reading ??

Cool

Isis SG

perhaps it is just a phase.

But i find other than gossiping about others, there is really nothing much to talk about.

The topic will somehow dwindled down to two person participating, out of the 4 people in the group.

Isis SG

i do have other friends but not in the same classes as me.

Bontakun SG

Well, I too would advice on own values and such, but Isis mentioned not hurting her friends.

Since thats the case, you can see them less often. REALLY less often. Get along with other friends from other classes if they share same interests with you.

However, its your choice what you really wanted to do. This is what I would do if I were in your shoes.

Devil1976 SG

How old are you by the way?

Why don't you continue in the old thread...? http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=236037&page=1

<Precious> SG

No man is an island. We all need to compromise sometimes when we are with other people who don't share your interests but we shouldn't be hypocrites and pretend to be what we are not lor.

I would rather be alone than to be with a group of people I don't identify with and don't feel comfortable with. Coz it is far more important for me to be myself that I can respect...........

Try to find a balance lor....... Mr. Green

kIppEr SG

Originally posted by Isis:
I could like to hear perspective from other people.

I personally freaked out, when someone attempt to integrate their interests with me which i obviously not interested in.

I need my own spaces to develop and air to breathe.
I need to retain my own indentity.
Thus i have recently torning myself away from this group of friends whom i have hanged around with for quite some time.

I think our interests are very diverse and i have been going towards another direction.

I'm sick of conforming to their interests and not expressing myself rightly.

But in the admist of attempting to drift away from them, i think i hurt some friends.

i don't want to hurt friends.

it's identity