Confused... What do I do? (kinda long, sorry!)

ordinary_boy SG

First I'll give a lil background info on the people I'm gonna talk about...

First up, me. I'm turning 17 in a couple of months, I am currently awaiting my 'O' level results and I'm doing nothing at the moment (no JC for me, my prelim results were horrible) So... I got a lot of time on my hands...

Then there is this girl, we will call her A... Well A is the same age as me, waiting for her 'O' level results as well. She is currently in a JC now, doing the 3 month thing.

I don't know why I typed that, I just thought it would help somewhat...

Anyway, here is the story... After about 3 months of knowing A, I told her how I felt about her... She said she liked me too but she wasn't ready to go into a relationship.
Then a week later, A started JC... Before that she was always prompt with a reply when I messaged her but after she got into JC, she became so busy that her replies are really delayed and I don't get to say much because soon after we start sms-ing, she has to go to sleep... So after about two weeks, I told her that I would not bother her with messages, seeing as she is busy and all and that if she wasn't busy then by all means, she can just send me a message. If you don't get what I mean, I basically told her that I won't message her anymore unless she messages me first. I told her this on Sunday, 14th Jan.

So... On Monday I got a message from her, great, I was happy... But then I didn't hear from her the next two days... and basically left me feeling like crap, and today, just when I felt like I wasn't gonna hear from her anymore, she started a convo with me on MSN (when she does find time to go online on MSN, always appears offline so she isn't sucked into convos, so I can't possibly start a convo even if I wanted to)

If you really read all that, thanks... My dilemma is that I'm really confused right now... Did I do the right thing by saying I won't bother her by messaging her first? I don't know how much its helping her cope with JC, but it sure feels like its hurting whatever we have between us. What do I do? Go back to sending her messages and wait forever for a reply? Or just keep with this arrangement... The current arrangement is killing me though, I miss her like crazy when I don't hear from her and I don't want her to think that I don't care hence I don't message her first... Sad Confused

kthxbye SG

You should be glad that she still chat with you, that means she still thinks of you despite being busy with her JC life.

I think you did the right thing infact that was thoughtful of you. Theres no harm in messaging her once in awhile (not 24/7 Wink ) unless she tells you she is really busy. Since you know she is busy please be patient for her reply she is not so free like you to reply instantly.

dokono SG

Ok

Pretend Im A. I received this message from a guy I don't like. "What can I do so he doesn't get hurt? Alright, I will tell him Im not ready for a relationship. I hope that will soften the impact on him."

Later, Im in JC. WTF? This guy message me again? What can I do so he can get the message?? I will delay the sms or stop it sometimes. I really have no mood to sms this guy.

Now he is giving me an ultimatum? Oh great! You made me feel guilty. Good one dude. Im going to try to soften the impact again by talking to you on MSN. I really hope you get the idea Im trying to be nice to you but I don't have feelings for you. Arghh...feel so frustrated. Maybe I should come to AA forum to post my agony here so I don't get so stressed.

What do I need to do then he will just get it? How can I care about him when I don't even care about him? Can you please go away ? Stop bugging me like a pest.

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Threadstarter, this is what I feel if Im the girl. Think about it.

doko

ordinary_boy SG

Thats what I've been thinking. Why doesn't she just tell me bluntly so that I will just get it. Playing games when you're in love, hey, by all means... But playing these games when you don't like someone? Spare me the heartache and just tell me...

dokono SG

That's why girls never fail to surprise me. Always coming up with new twists. Anyway forget her. The way I see it, she is going to toture your heart.

Do please protect yourself.

doko

angrynor SG

i think doko is being overly harsh here.

yes, what doko said might be true and you can heed his advice. thats what to you.

I am going to offer you another set of view. In doko's form.

"Wee, this guy sms me all the time. This feel great!

Omg... JC so busy lor... all the workload.... cannot even finish... check hp ba.... wow! he msg!!! =) reply first then do work, later reply again.

=( he dun want to sms me.... I sms him first ba.... aiya... so busy.... sms him like quite hard le... in class.... mmm....

Ok ba... reach home can rest le... go msn talk to him ba... easier... hope he is online...

Quite busy le... hard to find time for him. how? should i forget him and not torture him? =( "

You never know. TS, if you feel that you 2 are close enough, ask her to give you a direct answer. It should tell you where you 2 are heading.

If not, leave your options open. Talk to other girls as well... You might realised that you like someone else better. The 2 of you are not committed into anything yet. It is now that you can do such stuffs.

If she say yes to you, then good for you. take your time. She could really be very busy esp if she is those studious kind of girl.

If the answer is no, bingo. plenty of girls out there.

JMHO.

Bontakun SG

It doesn't matter if its the "right" thing for you to tell her you will not bother her. What is done is done BUT the next time you face a similar situation, maybe you can try NOT to tell the person "I won't bother you by sms 1st".

Whatever her difficulty with handling life in JC, if she has time to spend chatting with friends (which everyone should have, regardless of who like who or not), she will spend it. So do not worry too much on this. You have no control of her life and timing. She does. You control your actions.

You still haven't gotten over the "infatuation" period with her, thus making you fustrated trying to figure out her next possible move. Tell you something: don't bother to. The more you try to, the deeper you fall and the less chance you eventually have of actually getting what you want.

Keep it simple. You have your life to take care of to be dominated much by a gal. Do your hobbies. Hang out with friends. Concentrate on your studies. Discover more about yourself. You will gain nothing from thing alot about her. I do not think she will want you to be like that too.

choco B SG

FYI spending whole day messaging someone is not a norm that everyone practices . People got other stuff to do. She's busy in school while you're idling at home. You have nothing else to occupy yourself with while she has lots of new things to do and learn. That explains why you feel so ignored and crave her attention.

Have you ever asked her how her life is now? Perhaps if you had a proper conversation with her you'll understand what she's going through. And if you're that good a friend perhaps you can be more supportive of her! Besides, it's not her responsibility to keep you entertained.

If you measure a relationship by how often she messages you, I think you're too needy & not ready for a relationship. (But given your age and mentality you may not understand this now. ) If you cannot accept that her lifestyle and priorities will change over the coming months, then don't expect too much from her romantically . At least she was honest & responsible by saying she's not ready for a relationship.

Bontakun SG

Good thing I do not have your contact. Else I will wait till the last day of the billing date recorded by Singtel and once I know how many smses I have sent, I will send ALL the remaining FREE smses to you in that day. Laughing

To TS: imagine that happening to you. How will you react?

smudgey SG

hahaha got any left mei??

TS.... cool down a bit la....

sometimes coming on too strong..... puts a gal off.... we gals need our own space too ma...

dokono SG

She gave you this bullcrap: "Im not ready for relationship even though I like you." I used this line before. That's what I say to girls Im not interested in so as not to feel so bad. It's a rejection, dude.

Wait for her to call you. If she calls good, it proves she likes you and she does what she says. If not, you can forget her. Don't cave in.

doko

ordinary_boy SG

Conflicting views... Just like in my head... Confused Your quote would be my hopeful, optimistic side thinking...

ordinary_boy SG

I'll be shocked at first for sure... But I won't mind... I can sms quite alot if people do sms me...

ordinary_boy SG

Sorry for making many replies... I just wanna respond to each reply...

I know people don't spend the whole day messaging... Thats not what I'm looking for... Yeah, I have nothing to occupy myself with... Its freaking boring...

Yes, I have asked her about how her life is now, and I think I have been fairly supportive of her. I don't ask her to entertain me! I mean... I don't go, "Hey message me cos I'm feeling bored right now." If anything, I'm asking her about her day and such...

And I don't measure a relationship by how often she messages me, please... I'm well aware that is not how it should be... I might be somewhat needy, I agree, but who isn't?

smudgey SG

Let's just say you are different....

I can't vouch for others but I for one, cannot stand being bugged all day.... esp if the guy in qn is NOT my bf, or someone i like (in a more than friends way).

so maybe....

Addiction SG

Your mentality very selfish n fcked up, last time i just got into a full time job, very tired very stress.(long hours, so many thing i dunno, blur blur. ) when i want to rest and relax when i finally get some free time Then got 1 person always bother me here n there very sian. So i lose my temper after i need to entertain him everyday for a week even i told him i dun want entertain him, very tired....

This girl very tolerant of u already. if anything i am sure after school she will also want to relax on bed than to keep answer your childish complaints. Anyway, dun think u shud waste your time or hers. Why would a girl like a boy if he acts like such a attention ho/jerk while she is slogging away

the_don SG

well i would suggest u just let thing be for now. it is too soon to say if she is smsing you becos wan to let u down gently or smsing you becos she treats u as a fren that she likes.

go get a job. occupy your time. then u will realise time flies when you r busy. u might even find her sms waiting for you instead of you waiting for her sms Razz

Devil1976 SG

Hmm... Cool

Devil1976 SG

I'm not sure what's all yuor fuss about smses and MSn conversations... But if you're really that interested in her... Not having the need to push her into a relationship as you've alerady said she's not into it yet.. BUT...Can't you just ask her out for dates?

ordinary_boy SG

Shocked Its not like I keep pestering her to go out with me or whatever... The most is I ask her about her day and how is she doing... But thank you for you reply anyway... Neutral

And to Devil1976, we have gone out before during the holidays. I would love to ask her out but I know she is very busy, even on weekends, she is tutoring a kid on Saturdays and she usually spends her Sundays at home. I wouldn't wanna take away her Sunday at home unless she is okay with it.