http://health.yahoo.com/experts/menlovesex/6165/whats-the-difference-between-flirting-and-cheating
What's the Difference Between Flirting and Cheating?
Posted by David Zinczenko
on Thu, Dec 07, 2006, 10:16 am PST
My last blog entry raised the question of why men cheat, and
thousands of you weighed in--not just on the whys of cheating, but
on what, exactly, constitutes cheating. In fact, one woman said she
considers it cheating if her man so much as looks at another woman.
Huh? You mean he's not even allowed to scope, peek, glance, admire,
or notice another beautiful woman? Now, it's one thing to hold a
man's words, actions, or nether regions to a high standard. But his
eyes, too? That seems to make about as much sense as our societal
obsession with Britney's apparently empty underwear drawer.
While researching my book Men, Love & Sex, I found that not
only do men and women define fidelity differently, but they also
fail to talk about their definitions before something happens (with
the exception of the one action everyone acknowledges as cheating).
Here's how guys tend to define the murkier areas of fidelity. Don't
like it? Then talk about it now before he steps across a line he
didn't know existed.
Flirting or Cheating? Looking at another woman?
It's one thing if his tongue drops to the floor in your presence;
that's just plain disrespectful (though 80 percent of men have
admitted to looking at other women even with their wives or
girlfriends around). But cheating? Hardly. Men think there's a huge
difference between thinking and acting. "We have two sides--the
committed husband/boyfriend and the 'check out the hottie' side. In
men, the committed wins out, but the checker always exists," says
one man who responded to the Harris poll I used when researching
the book. (And ladies, don't even try to tell me you haven't had
more than a couple of thoughts and conversations about whether
McDreamy or McSteamy is hotter.)
Flirting or Cheating? E-mailing an ex?
The e-mail exchange per se isn't a cheat (depending on exactly
what's exchanged, of course). But, for many people, any contact
beyond a few truly platonic and innocent "just catching up"
messages is a relationship-killer-not because of the act itself,
but because of the potential act that may follow. About 60 percent
of guys consider dinner and drinks with an ex as cheating. Looking
her up online? Only 20 percent of us would classify that as a
relationship no-no.
Flirting or Cheating? Hanging out with the women at work?
Here's the real relationship danger zone: About 50 percent of guys
consider having dinner and drinks with an attractive co-worker as
cheating. But the more troubling stat for you may be this one: One
in five men says that he secretly loves his platonic (for now)
coworker. Just look at Jim and Pam on The Office, and you know
exactly what I'm talking about. That's not meant to scare you-more
just to make sure you keep your eyes open (as if you don't already)
and intentions honorable.
Flirting or Cheating? Kissing another woman?
Some guys may try to wiggle out of a drunken kiss with a stranger
(or coworker, in the cloakroon, at the Christmas party) as a
one-time-only event. But the true test about whether a guy thinks
something is cheating is whether he'd be ok with the situation
reversed. Guys don't want their women exchanging lip balm (or any
thing else physical) with another guy, and nearly 90 percent of
guys agree that their own drunken hook-up with a stranger is indeed
off-limits.
Flirting or Cheating? Going to a strip club?
The good news for those of you who are anti-exotic dancer: Half of
men think that visiting a strip club is cheating. The other half?
Going to a strip club is like going to a sporting event-there's
lots of entertainment, lots of excitement, and lots of interest in
watching the most talented players in action. In the poll, many men
said that they feel there's no harm in once-in-a-while visits since
there's no emotional attachment and only temporary, artificial
physical attraction. "Sometimes, to be blunt about it," one man
responded in the poll, "it's just a bit of art appreciation, and
it's nice to see another woman naked."