Dilemma

Xmimi SG

Let me give you all a situation. This girl has a bf. And her this current bf dislike her to have any contact with any of her ex bfs and thus make her promise him to cut all contacts with them. There is nothing going on btw the girl and the ex bfs anymore and the contacts that they have are purely acts of common friends. The girl and her current bf quarrelled about it because the girl do not find a need why she has to do so while the bf believed that it is a must. What do you people think? Any comments? Who is right and who is wrong?

myownlife SG

well, i feel that the girl has to speak to him and let him understand the situation that those people are history.
he feels inferior so he cares and is worried, or say jealous. let him know how firm u are and gain his trust..
easier said than done , but trust is very important..

StarPuppy SG

There is no right nor wrong

The bf is afraid that she might go back to her ex - however..he is over too posseive

the gf has a right to talk to her ex but does not really consider the bf feeling although she says they are friends.. usually ex-couples will become "common friends"

Yunhaier SG

Both perceptions are like fire and water; it clashes fiercely because it doesn't blend together.

Nobody is wrong; both of you have the prerogative and entitlement to your own opinion. Some people calls it principles, but regardless, a clashes of views is not about who is right or wrong - it calls for stance of compromising and acceptance.

And the problem WILL persist until compromising/acceptance is made. Idea

***

The act of contacting your past lover/s shakes the security of the relationship - it feeds on the fear of your boyfriend. It doesn't matter whether your friendship with him is amicably a professional one because he probably reckons that if you are still contacting him, it probably hinted the fact that you might not be completely over him.

And regardless of how ridiculous you may think it sounded, action speaks much louder than words and people usually listen to 'action'.

Communicate... talk about it. Since the issue calls for greater mutual understanding of perception, work on it. And I will repeat again: the problem WILL persist until compromising/acceptance is made. Idea

Cheers

molgax SG

will the bf is just too possesive

ha8n SG

how the girl feel if

the bf keeps contact with his exs also ...same theory

haaaaater SG

agree
they are ex-bfs....
if doing so would make ur bf feel more comfortable, why not? Smile

sgboy SG

This type of boyfriend is afraid that the girl will break off with him after knowing better guys. He is scare and jealous. If the girl feel that she doesn't have freedom of friends, then I will suggest her breaking off with the guy. No point have a boyfriend and then have no other friends.

moongster SG

Actually, the solution is very simple. The bf and gf meet the ex-bfs together. This will avoid misunderstandings, white lies, ex-bfs developing rekindling passion, etc...

Since it's just normal friends, I don't see the problem with this approach. Also, being open about friends build trust in a relationship. Indirectly, it also signal to the ex-bfs that the gf and bf is happy together.

dokono SG

Tell the bf to stop being possessive or the r/s will end sooner than he can say "what happened?" This is how will happen: the girl will get sick of the bf control and might suggest to break up.

Tell the bf to remain cool and even be good friends with the ex-bf. Better still, tell the gf just how handsome the ex-bf are.

sgboy2004 SG

ask her to find Croco Smile

browniebaobao SG

even tho he is the bf, he has NO right to demand her to do that.

Seriously if i have a bf like that, i rather break off.

He's simply too petty and inconfident of himself and have no faith in me.

browniebaobao SG

im surprised with ur reply wor.

I remember u posted that a girl should cut off all contacts with her exs when she's attached.

are u sure that's the right thing to do? If she tell her bf how handsome her ex bfs are, it will only make him jealous and even more suspicious. It will only make him feel that she's comparing him to them. Sure quarrel till no end wan.

It's not advisable to mention exs to the current bf/gf. Bcos they will surely remember de. Next time quarrel sure rake up de.

FBI SG

why do u need to contact your ex bf anyway?

frens nvm.. jus like if your bf has contacts abt his ex, will u like it?

same thing, think of yourself b4 u talk abt other ppl

dokono SG

I think you got my message wrong girl...haha..

The reason I suggested cutting off contacts is actually emphasising my point of loyalty for a committed r/s. Okay, there's no need to really go to this extreme. My point is don't contact the ex as though there are some feelings. Sure they can still remain as friends but who knows what the ex wants? He might try to get her back. This is going to be a neverending cycle.

Im telling him to remain cool and collected and tell the gf how handsome the ex-bf are the moment the gf mentions the ex-bf. I did not ask the gf to tell him how handsome the ex are . Go read my post again lol.. The guy needs to let the girl know he is in a confident position and the ex-bf doesn't affect him at all. He should be confident of himself. Hence, by telling the gf how handsome the ex-bf are, he appears confident and at the same time, it is a form of sarcasm.

Yes you are correct never to mention the exes, ever. Apparently, the one at fault is the guy here. He cannot control himself because he appears to be too possessive.

browniebaobao SG

u are telling who?

I tot threadstarter is a girl?

and it seems that u think the threadstarter is a guy?

that's y so confusing..

dokono SG

the threadstarter did not say which sex he/she belongs to.

browniebaobao SG

from her post, i think she's a girl.

bcos she asked for comments mah..

if it's the bf, wun think it's too much since he demanded that.