Chapter
13
The call was Johnny; I supposed he was trying to check on my
status.
My thumb went over the keypad; I cut his line.
Somehow, I dont feel like interacting with anyone. I just want to
be solitary for a moment to adjust my disrupted flow of thoughts.
How could I ever be so stupid not to know that Richard is wooing
her the same time as my liking developed? I should have anticipated
it when he dated her for movie at Cineleisure, so that I could
speed up my progression and development.
Cloud, you are so are still as
fuucking stupid as ever
Emotions aside; I tried to be rational and in telling myself that
all is fair in love and war. But the more rational and logical I
became, the less helpful it was to my esteem and ego. You put a
future doctor-to-be: one with great career prospect in life
juxtaposed a NSF soldier struggling with a miserable $420 allowance
from the army and worrying about his bleak future this in era of
economic uncertainty.
Her choice would be obvious.
I was wandering around her neighborhood until I found a playground
to sit around. These days, the playgrounds around the estate were
devoid of sand and the good-old swings. Kids these days are too
protected - so sheltered that even the swings are removed. This is
the childhood we get in Singapore. I thought it was pretty
redundant because later on in life, these kids are going to get
hurt by life anyway. Therefore if you shield the children about the
existence of pain, they are going to suffer more during their
encounters with hurt.
This is how I portrayed Love to be; the more I injured myself in
the course of finding my mate, the less hurt I felt. Although I
know that I was the weakest link, but at the very least, I put up a
decent fight, despite knowing that all will crash when the truth is
revealed as the decision is made.
Maybe Richard popped the ultimate question in his quiet
whisper?
Perhaps today marked their union, as girlfriend and boyfriend.
Maybe I should just back out before I sustained more
injuries.
A drop of tear fell from my cheek. It denoted sadness of a defeated
warrior, fighting for a lost cause because I was inadequate. My
moral and confidence fell sharply as if I was armed with
fourth-grade weapon against a formidable foe with state of art
weaponry.
Why are we training so hard? Why
are we pushing you guys to your limit? Because care for soldiers
means having to teach them to survive in war and not die in battle!
You cant win the war by dying for your country; you make the other
poor bastard die for his. If you are ill-trained or inadequate, you
wont be able to handle the chaos of war or worse, bring death upon
yourself or your buddies
I remember that was what my platoon commander told us during
course. Somehow, it seemed relevant to my situation now.
An SMS came: Where are you?
It was Angeline.
I was battling the urge to reply her - maybe because I feared to
know the truth
her choice..
Another SMS came: I know you are near my house.
A quick check round me discovered nothing.
Ok, this is scary.
Third SMS came: Meet at my void deck of my flat.
I froze on the spot, holding tightly onto my mobile; I didnt even
reply her and she seemed to know my whereabouts and
intentions.
Should I meet her?
(To be continued... final chapter).
