i think i gt from sgforums one..
July 14, 1861
Camp Clark, Washington
My very dear Sarah:
The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few
daysperhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write again, I
feel impelled to write a few lines that may fall under your eye
when I shall be no more . . .
I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in the cause in
which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know
how strongly American Civilization now leans on the triumph of the
Government and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us
through the blood and sufferings of the Revolution. And I am
willingperfectly willingto lay down all my joys in this life, to
help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt . . .
Sarah my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me with mighty
cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of
Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me unresistibly
on with all these chains to the battle field.
The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come
creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that
I have enjoyed them for so long. And hard it is for me to give them
up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when, God willing,
we might still have lived and loved together, and seen our sons
grown up to honorable manhood, around us. I have, I know, but few
and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to
meperhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar, that I shall
return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not my dear Sarah, never
forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on
the battle field, it will whisper your name. Forgive my many faults
and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I
have often times been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears
every little spot upon your happiness . . .
But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit
unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the
gladdest days and in the darkest nights . . . always, always, and
if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath,
as the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit
passing by. Sarah do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait
for thee, for we shall meet again . . .
Sullivan Ballou was killed a week later at the first Battle of Bull
Run, July 21, 1861.
Born March 28, 1829 in Smithfield, R.I., Ballou was educated at
Phillips Academy in Andover, Mass.; Brown University in Providence,
R.I. and the National Law School in Ballston, N.Y. He was admitted
to the Rhode Island Bar in 1853.
Ballou devoted his brief life to public service. He was elected in
1854 as clerk of the Rhode Island House of Representatives, later
serving as its speaker.
He married Sarah Hart Shumway on October 15, 1855, and the
following year saw the birth of their first child, Edgar. A second
son, William, was born in 1859.
Ballou immediately entered the military in 1861 after the war broke
out. He became judge advocate of the Rhode Island militia and was
32 at the time of his death at the first Battle of Bull Run on July
21, 1861.
When he died, his wife was 24. She later moved to New Jersey to
live out her life with her son, William, and never re-married. She
died at age 80 in 1917.
Sullivan and Sarah Ballou are buried next to each other at Swan
Point Cemetery in Providence, RI. There are no known living
descendants.
Ironically, Sullivan Ballous letter was never mailed. Although
Sarah would receive other, decidedly more upbeat letters, dated
after the now-famous letter from the battlefield, the letter in
question would be found among Sullivan Ballous effects when Gov.
William Sprague of Rhode Island traveled to Virginia to retrieve
the remains of his states sons who had fallen in battle.
