need some help

Othello_Red SG

guys, need your help here.

been having some problems lately. my gf keeps pointing out my mistakes and i really feel unappreciated by her. it seem like i try my best and all she bothers about are the mistakes. it's really driving me crazy. when i ask her what really is wrong, she says that i've been pretty thoughtless and don't know how to care for her or appreciate her. just what can i do.

Sad

alexkusu SG

Pay attention to the little things about her.

Give her enough appreciation that she will give it back at you.

kaister SG

At least you're onto something. Try sitting down and have a nice chat. Find out rom your gal what's wrong and how you can improve. Sometimes gals just won't tell us what they want... how to guess? Laughing

Othello_Red SG

hai...exactly. its not as if i don't listen to her. i keep asking her what she'd like and all i get are"you should know". its not as if i can mind read or anything. to make matters worse, i'm all the way in aust and she's in sg. i went back during my 1 week break from her and yeah, we had good times but she was still getting pissed at almost every single thing. really drives me nuts.

mistyblue SG

tell her you not mind reader.

Othello_Red SG

hey, not as if i didn't try that... Neutral

mistyblue SG

next time point out her mistakes and tell her she should know.
If she don't wanna be up front, this is the kind of communication you are getting from this girl, then the truth is that you will be frustrated and the R/S will not last.

kaister SG

Wah LDR quite hard but can be done!

You should look out for signs of her going out or getting closer to other guys. On top of that, send her little surprises to show how much you appreciate her. Laughing

alexkusu SG

she wants a break, she’s sick of you.

Othello_Red SG

my friend once told me to put my foot down and be firm. sometimes when i really can't take it anymore, i'll turn quiet and only talk in one-liners. i can see that she'll react very differently and stop all her tantrums and complaining but i don't wanna do that all the time.

and yeah, i can point out all her mistakes but then, if the r/s has to come to that, then i might as well look for someone new right?

kaister SG

Hey that's a good sign... at least she still cares about you

mistyblue SG

its just bf/gf now. there is always a choice to part ways or to work it out...

if the r/s so difficult, would u go long term with her. does she see this point she is being difficult?

Othello_Red SG

i really wanna stay on with her, but its really difficult, with her mood swings and always focusing on my mistakes and all that. she does appreciate me, but i hear a way lot more of her hammering me for my mistakes. oh well. and no, i have no idea she even knows that she's being really difficult to me

dokono SG

that's because of her personality. she is the type i would call a critical person. She wants to criticise every single thing you do. It makes her feel happy. And she is not very loving. Would loving girls do that? Luckily you are not married yet. Girls have very good memories when it comes to r/s issues, especially what you did and did not do.

How long has it been this way? And you ask her how to make her feel happy. That is called begging. You ask her what it is exactly that you do that is wrong. Then you ask her to show you the "right" way.

Hope it helps.

mistyblue SG

maybe the girl is waking up from her haze and seeing clearly
so she start to critize you and try to change you.

You might like her a lot now.. but how long will you last with all that criticism firing away at you before you give way and give up...

There are many ways to "say" a person and criticism is the least effective way.
Next question is, are you sure she's the one you want to be with, and most likely you will have to accept her as she is, warts, criticism and all - perhaps you cannot answer now but time will tell.