Whoever said communication was important???

last SG · 2006-09-03T23:13:37+00:00

Communication is important. But how you communicate.. is even more important.[/b]

jeramy SG

Many people say, in a relationship, you should let you partner know what you are feeling, and should not bottle up, lest all the negative feelings explodes into a firey furball when a quarrel entails. Communication between a couple was the key.

Yesterday, I told my gf that I felt she was neglecting me over the past few weeks on the phone. Throughout the conversation, I never once pointed the blame at her, and stated again and again that I'm just letting her know my feelings.

My tone was calm and composed, and never did I flare up or whatever, I was as normal as I can be.

In the end? Her reaction?

She just told me she agrees with me that she had been neglecting me, and that it was ALL HER FAULT. I said I told her all that not to find fault with her or what. Nobody is right or wrong in a relationship.

Then she stated again she feels guilty, and again and again keep emphasizing its ALL HER FAULT. ALL HER FAULT. It has nothing to do with me. Its HER FAULT.

Finally, she gave me the one time jialat-jialat ->

I NEED SOME TIME TO THINK ABOUT US

Yes man. I've done it again, messed it all up again. What the hell?

Communication?

It has only left me facing an imminent break-up once again.

NOW TELL ME WHOEVER SAID COMMUINICATION WAS IMPORTANT????

M©+square SG

Originally posted by jeramy:
Many people say, in a relationship, you should let you partner know what you are feeling, and should not bottle up, lest all the negative feelings explodes into a firey furball when a quarrel entails. [b]Communication between a couple was the key.

Yesterday, I told my gf that I felt she was neglecting me over the past few weeks on the phone. Throughout the conversation, I never once pointed the blame at her, and stated again and again that I'm just letting her know my feelings.

My tone was calm and composed, and never did I flare up or whatever, I was as normal as I can be.

In the end? Her reaction?

She just told me she agrees with me that she had been neglecting me, and that it was ALL HER FAULT. I said I told her all that not to find fault with her or what. Nobody is right or wrong in a relationship.

Then she stated again she feels guilty, and again and again keep emphasizing its ALL HER FAULT. ALL HER FAULT. It has nothing to do with me. Its HER FAULT.

Finally, she gave me the one time jialat-jialat ->

I NEED SOME TIME TO THINK ABOUT US

Yes man. I've done it again, messed it all up again. What the hell?

Communication?

It has only left me facing an imminent break-up once again.

NOW TELL ME WHOEVER SAID COMMUINICATION WAS IMPORTANT????[/b]

I told my gf that I felt she was neglecting me over the past few weeks

It wasn't communication's fault.

Something happened last few weeks. Idea

-[0]- SG

Communication is important.

It is even more important if you know to use it; when to use it. Cool

jeramy SG

hmmm... i seriously do not think so... up until yesterday we were still fine and lovey-dovey as usual...only after i broke out the 'news' to her then it all changed...

sigh...

MooKu SG

Once again? You mean something like that has happened to you and the same girlfriend before?

I still say communication is one of the most important keys in ANY relationship. Had you not communicated to her that you felt neglected, you might end up missing out on hidden facts and feelings that ultimately will backfire on the relationship.

Having said this, I hope your girlfriend uttered those words because she only happened to be upset that day by other going-ons in her life. All the best Cool

jeramy SG

something like this happened with previous girlfriends... whenever i hold such 'heart-to-heart' talks with them, only makes them escape and choose the easy way out...

3 times.. 3 times also say that its THEIR FAULT.

È«²¿¶¼ÊÇÎÒµÄ´í

MooKu SG

Why! Neutral

I think I shouldn't be saying this now, but could it be your fault? Razz

jeramy SG

i dunno.. i place my gf as the centre of my life...

i'm not ashamed to say that i treat them very well

but seems like the more i do the more fragile the relationship gets...

all the thing...all the effort...she can so just give them up so easily???

i dunno...do i not mean anything to her?

Gedanken SG

I can't see where communication has failed here. After all, she's told you that she needs time to think about how you're going as a couple.

Communication in and of itself is good. If she's rethinking where she's going with you, rest assured the change in stance didn't take place yesterday, nor was it because of that chat that you had.

Ever consider that she's been neglecting you because she's been reconsidering the situation, and that you've given her the opening to communicate the current status? Sounds to me like you're getting the chop, and she's saying it's her fault because she's decided she wants out. In that case, you're letting the tail wag the dog.

jeramy SG

i cannot be sure of that seriously, as i've said in my previous post there was still really no problems before yesterday...

but once i voiced out and then everything changed...

but still it remains a possibility..

so harsh..so cruel

-[0]- SG

Actually, just relax. If she said she needs time to think about it. Then let her be.

Tell her to get back to you once she's ready. Don't bother to message her or call her until she response. But if you like, you can send her your regards every now and then.

Communication is the key. But time is also an important measure you have to take.

Give her some space. She might need it. Wink

<Precious> SG

Methinks you had probably chosen to tell her this at a wrong time like when she's already downcast so no wonder it exploded. This only highlights the true importance of communication because you had failewd to detect her feelings/mood..........

Still, we all make mistakes. Juz take this as a learning experience lor!
Anyway, u can't cry over spilt milk so que sera sera! Wink

jeramy SG

no..i dun think so.. before i said all that, we were actually joking and laughing around and having fun, only because we sort of briefly touched on the topic then i decided to let her know my displeasure.

and then all hell broke loose.

Travey SG

do u know the reason for the perceived neglect over the last few weeks? was she busy with work or what?

no matter how calm your tone was, the term neglect is very strong esp if she is a nice gal.

u may put her at the center of your universe doesn't mean she should do the same back for you too. so end up she probably think you are too nice to her and she is feeling guilty. so end up thinking whether u are right for each other.

jeramy SG

yeh, somehow, my gut feeling tells me that this is the case...the last few weeks she was busy with school work..

being too nice makes her guilty...so does it mean that i should not be nice??

dokono SG

Hey guy... Im sorry to say when she said:" I NEED SOME TIME TO THINK ABOUT US" it's more or less over.

Back out now.

''Many people say you should let your partner know about your feelings.'' Where did you get that from? Wrong! We have all been brainwashed. The moment you spilled your guts out to her that's gonna make her turn off. Please don't do this! This is the mistake many guys make. Control your feelings. She's not your Aunt Agony, your gf for Pete's sake.

Girls communicate differently from us. They share their feelings with each other. But a guy shdn't communicate his feelings. Just keep it to yourself or talk it to your best friend.

Leave her alone can? Give her a lot of space.

U mean u guys broke up before? You know something? Once you break up with someone, the pain is already there. There's no point in going back.

Move on.

Im not trying to put you down guy. But you sound like a clingy guy to me and someone who is insecure. Make sure you dun repeat the mistakes.

jeramy SG

Originally posted by dokono:

Hey guy... Im sorry to say when she said:" [b]I NEED SOME TIME TO THINK ABOUT US" it's more or less over.

Back out now.

''Many people say you should let your partner know about your feelings.'' Where did you get that from? Wrong! We have all been brainwashed. The moment you spilled your guts out to her that's gonna make her turn off. Please don't do this! This is the mistake many guys make. Control your feelings. She's not your Aunt Agony, your gf for Pete's sake.

Girls communicate differently from us. They share their feelings with each other. But a guy shdn't communicate his feelings. Just keep it to yourself or talk it to your best friend.

Leave her alone can? Give her a lot of space.

U mean u guys broke up before? You know something? Once you break up with someone, the pain is already there. There's no point in going back.

Move on.[/b]

i know...i'm very familiar with that line already.. been used on me 2 times already.. (by others of course)

yes now i'm in regret.. i should never had told her...never..

i always thought that if i could reach such a stage that i can bare out my inner feelings to her, it would do nothing but good to the relationship...

i guess i'm wrong and i guess i've just been trying too hard.

i've got no choice now but to leave her alone...sigh.. no we did not break up before...the 'again' i meant was my previous r/s, which suffered almost the same fate as this.

dont worry, i wont deny that i am a clingy guy, and in a r/s i want and need lots of reassurances..i think if i could get a clingy gf who will cling onto me like a leech, i would be really happy..haha sounds nonsensical, but i actually feel that way...

then again i think i've strengthened over the years, in the past, i think im worst (eg more clingy and possesive)

by the way dokono, you seem to have a very different view on r/s compared to others...if you dun mind me asking...whats your story?

dokono SG

wait for her to contact you. dun think abt her. You can be lovey dovey, doesnt mean anything. Girls hide their feelings well.

jeramy SG

thats the terror word that i hate to hear...WAIT..

i dunno, why after so many happy times together, she can easily just give it all up? what's more nothing really serious happened?

or maybe she wasnt really happy when she's with me?

ah...always hear of others breaking up because of change of heart, because of third party, because of quarrels...

for me? breaking up because of nothing...

ah its hard to accept...its hard.....

dokono SG

Don't take it too personally. Move on to a new girl if possible. The most important thing is you learn from ur mistakes. The girl is not in love anymore.

Most people will say you have to understand her situation etc. To me, it's very simple: I will just back off first because I believe a lot in giving the person space. What is meant to be is meant to be.

My story? I guessed I have seen enough of how some of the games girls play and sik of it. I have also noticed a pattern in sgforums whereby most guys talk too much and make their gf sick.