Recently, I choose a thai ger over my ger of close to 8yrs, and
I confess my actions to me ger..hurt her bad and at the same time,
I felt real bad and pain in myself that I really duno who to turn
to. Perhaps alot of you will say I deserve it, but I need to do
something before things turn even bad.
Before I go to thailand for work, me and my gf have already decided
to get engaged, got ourselves wedding band, and already inline for
BTO flat..I felt so great that hey, things decided to settle down
for me after close to 8 yrs together,so much effort time and money
has went in.
Things started going topsy turvy while I'm in thailand..I get to
know this ger, working in a night bazaar selling food..quite
cheerful and friendly looking and initially, I told meself, not to
get involve but eventually, get to know her. From the start,
nothing really goes on, just like normal friends..cox she's bit of
outgoing type and fun-loving, so I let me guard down. I also did
not tell her I have gf back home.
After a few meetings, she told me alot of things about herself, and
that, deep down-inside her, she needs lotsa love as she comes from
a broken family and has been quite messy in life while she was
young.She has stopped studying at 15 and party and lead a wilful
life till few backs, her mom came to look back for her for the
first time in her life. She stays in a rented apt and I been to her
apt before and I felt that she's very independent in life..due to
fact that environment has turn it this way. I must agree that she's
good looking and great figure and her softness...in no way a sg ger
can match...till now I still think so.
One day she asked me,what do I really want it be...just normal
friends or be her bf. I don't know what I'm thinking and I told her
be her bf. Gosh....I tot it might just be fling and that she's prob
not treating it serious since I'll only there for a short period of
time. She also says she's afraid that it'll be a wrong choice for
her since I'm not a thai and I don't live there. One day, she told
me that whatever will be, will be, nevermind bout the future how it
will turn out, she just felt happy with me that I care for her. All
this while, I did not let me gf(sgp) know. I know its bad but I
just couldn't fight myself way out.
As time goes, she becomes more attach to me and one night, she
slept with me and that she says, she really loves me and she's
willing to do it with me. She took pills to prevent pregnancy and
over 2 weekends, we stayed together at the hotel and she allows me
to take pics and says that I can keep it because she wants me to
look at it when I'm back home to help me remember her. What
surprises me is that she quite spontaneous in bed and got me quite
worried, like shes know her stuffs. Before she likes guys...shes a
les before,had a couple of gf. Now that she turn over new life, due
to fact that she lost hope on thai guys (2 failed ones).
All this while, I did not tell her that I'm not single and she has
fear that my heart is like a condo(multi heart)
I left thailand for home, she called me on my mobile and its not
cheap to do so to call from overseas, esp she does not earn that
much, and shes willing to go thru this...it gives me a sense that,
she's willing to put her heart to it.She even called when I'm in
aus...even more ex...and she says that her misses for me overrules
everything.
I felt that, she can adapt her environment well and even in harsh
condition, she's stilll optimistic in life and I now have tot of
bringing her over. She's ok with me and tells me, as long as I'm
with her...it supercedes anything. All this while, I communicated
in very little english with her, and she talks thai with me, though
i'm not very good at the language, all the way I can manage to
gather what she means. Now. she oftens takes picture of herself and
emails me and i try phone her as much often n I'll be visiting her
soon.
OF course..alot of worries cross me mind..like, if there's a
future, how will it be with her.like, getting a status for her in
sg, how she gona survive,interact,etc etc.
Right now..problems i need to solve is my BTO flat,my wedding
bad,duno how it'll turn out. I really broke my gf(sgP) heart when I
told her and I know its unfair to her. Y can't i broke up with the
thai one instead and a few mths wins over a few yrs relationship?
Is it fair for both the gers. However, till recently, I know that I
will prefer a thai ger more than a sgp ger...its just that I do not
have the courage to tell everyone...being the sterotype thinking in
most of people that, hey, the thai gers just wanna get out of there
and that, they will try at everything.
I made a mess in my life now..and I will not say that its my
gf(sgp) fault though she over the years, has mad some impact in my
thinking of spending time with a sgp ger.
I'm a jerk thats all.
