Should I divorce?

last SG · 2006-07-08T14:04:14+00:00

Why dont you just make yourself disappear for a short while.. make him re-think of your importance vice visa haha

ToLetGoOrNot SG

My sister-in-law detest me since I was dating my husband and my in-laws are from a foreign country. Everytime we went back, there will always be an issue. His sister will raise the alarm, badmouth about me to everyone in the family. And then everyone is rude and showed disrecpect to me. I have not done anything wrong at all.

My husband is very protective of his family, especially his younger sister. I have come to realize today, that he failed to protect me as his wife. I am crying alone. The twins are 4. Its been 10 years since we met and married.

Should I just let it go? If a divorce would make them happy, shouldn't I? And I don't wanna make things difficult for my husband. He never listens to my woes. His sister will always be right. How to go about divorcing? Sad

mhcampboy SG

Wow. Its very sad. Crying or Very sad

Divorce is such a strong word. Are you prepared for it? Are you financially stable to be alone? If not, are you prepared to let go of your kids to your husband since courts will issue custody to a parent who can support the children.

It is always said, the one who will suffer most will be the kids. Can you bear to see your children grow up without both their parents by their side?

Have you talk to your husband about it? Seriously, if your husband can't even support you emotionally and morally, he is not a man anymore.

Its hard to make your in laws accept you. Have you tried anything to ease the tension between you and in laws? Perhaps you should call or visit your in laws often.

If the problem cannot be tackle, let me ask you. Do you still love your husband? Are you prepared to let him go? There are couples who divorced because they can't get along with the in laws. And its a chore sometimes just to put up a fake front. I salute you for being brave and accept the sarcarsm and critics from your in laws.

Maybe before you think about divorce, have you tried going for family counselling first? It might do you good. Its a different story if both of you are childless. But now, you already have kids. Do not think of divorce as yet.

Divorce is an option. But it will never be the solution.

missqi SG

speaking as a kid from a divorced family, i think divorce should never be the answer.

NotFromVenus SG

Why lose a husband because of his sister’s problem? You should highlight the hurt you are feeling ?!

Devil1976 SG

Hmm...

Have you really spoke to your husband?

Have you thought of going for family counselling?

monoslayer SG

how come recently always have new forumites coming to AA to post their sad stories ah.. somemore always at tis kind of hr one.. Confused

mhcampboy SG

Cannot sleep mah... feeling bery bery sad...

browniebaobao SG

erm.. if it's his family problem, then i think u can do something about it.

unless the love has died, if not, i dun think u should give up ur marriage?

kids are still so small.. 4 yrs old.. would u bear to let them grow up without a complete family?

pat pat ToLetGoOrNot~

monoslayer SG

arent u a little naive.. Rolling Eyes

mhcampboy SG

Evil or Very Mad

R3SsH|n SG

why u every thread oso say the same thing?

monoslayer SG

bcos i feel tat its too much of a coincidence.. Rolling Eyes

ToLetGoOrNot SG

I am just so hurt. Its been 10 years. They begin to dote on the kids until recently. I have been so disheartened. The main problem is my sister-in-law. I think of divorce only when I have given up. Its a longtime problem and its getting bad.

They had insults and called me names. Never in my life, someone have the right to do that but these people did.
I am thinking to walk out of this family in dignity. This family have just lost another daughter-in-law to divorce - threw her out of the house (when her husband was caught with a woman). He is my husband's brother.

What kind of world is this?

I love my husband and kids, no doubt. I have talked to him about this. He avoids the issue and threw into rage. Also he may also not be receptive to family counsellor because he refused to accept that there is a problem.

R3SsH|n SG

your kids...you love them right?
they are your source of inspiration...think about them before you make any decisions alright?
would i suggest...moving out?

mhcampboy SG

They begin to dote on the kids until recently? Meaning they dote them just recently or they stopped doting?

Well, like every man, your husband is stubborn and refuse to see your problem as a problem in a whole. Hence seeing a counsellor may deemed inappropriate for him.

The problem here lies with your in laws. Clearly its their attitude that is the problem here. Can I ask about your financial background and your in laws? Sometimes in laws whom are rich always try to appear superior in front of their in laws. This could be the case.

But alas, if you think divorce is the solution, do not do it on your own accord. Talk to your husband about it. If he really truly loves you, he will do all he can to rectify the problem.

Choose your way out carefully. Think of your kids. But of course, think of yourself too. Do not let your in laws chase you till you reach a point where you can't take it anymore and depression sinks in.

Think carefully....

OCEANOS SG

Merry Meet ToLetGoOrNot,

Sorry to know about what you have been going through. Well Divorce is really not necessary, there are many ways to solve your issue since the cause of is a third party. I do understand all the physical & mental traumas you have been going through but have you ever think carefully over this decision you are making, is it really a must. By doing so you only proved 1 thing, that is not walking out with dignity but you have shown them you are weak minded & your sister-in-law is right about you are never good enough, moving away from this issue does not solve it however will leave a mark in your live & those involved. End of the day its never a win win situation. If you are really not good enough, your husband would not have married you, he did so because he love you too. As this decison does not only affect you but everyone in general especially your 2 precious fruits of love. Are you going to let them grow up in an incomplete family? If you love your husband & them you would not make such a selfish decision. In monetary term, its also definitely a loss. If you would let me, i am sure i can help you solve your issue positively without the need to divorce.

Blessed Be,
Oceanos

Devil1976 SG

Then I think you've got quite a serious problem on hand....

How old are you? How long have you been married? Are you currently working or a housewife?

Devil1976 SG

Originally posted by OCEANOS:
[b]Merry Meet ToLetGoOrNot,

Sorry to know about what you have been going through. Well Divorce is really not necessary, there are many ways to solve your issue since the cause of is a third party. I do understand all the physical & mental traumas you have been going through but have you ever think carefully over this decision you are making, is it really a must. By doing so you only proved 1 thing, that is not walking out with dignity but you have shown them you are weak minded & your sister-in-law is right about you are never good enough, moving away from this issue does not solve it however will leave a mark in your live & those involved. End of the day its never a win win situation. If you are really not good enough, your husband would not have married you, he did so because he love you too. As this decison does not only affect you but everyone in general especially your 2 precious fruits of love. Are you going to let them grow up in an incomplete family? If you love your husband & them you would not make such a selfish decision. In monetary term, its also definitely a loss. If you would let me, i am sure i can help you solve your issue positively without the need to divorce.

Blessed Be,
Oceanos[/b]

Rolling Eyes

Cerebral_Assassin SG

Since talking to your husband and he avoids the topic, why not threaten to divorce and force your husband to communicate on this? This threaten should be for real. You will need to force him to talk, either thru hard or soft way. Hard way is quarrel or threaten divorce. Soft way is cry in front of your husband and bring up divorce topic, saying you cannot take it. I believe the soft way might work better also, based on the reaction from your husband before. Once your husband opens up to communicate with you on this, It should be better. Don't give up hope yet. Try all means to communicate, if all else fails then at least you tried! No regrets to divorce then.

You said the family threw out a daughter-in-law because her husband was unfaithful?..... I have nothing to say, the family ethics is rather wrong. However disclaimer is the daughter-in-law is at fault too for the unfaithfulness, full story needed for actual judgement.

A failed marriage usually is both parties at fault. Communication is key.

tiggersgd SG

dun do it.

try talking to ur hubby first and really resolve all issues if possible. it is YOUR MARRIAGE not theirs.

u both have a pair of wonderful twins, do spare a tot for them. they're really innocent. pls! dun do it.

as for why the sister keeps badmouthing u...shouldn't it be clear why ur husband chose u instead of any1 else when u both decided to get married? or is it from day 1 that sister has always been badmouthing u? this, u need to get it sorted out with ur hubby. ask him as a matter of fact things. get him to speak from the bottom of his heart.

no point arguing wif the sister bcos it is ur family affair. true as it might be that they are a part of this family, but they're still external in terms ur relationship wif ur hubby. get them out of the equation first and settle ur own problems. if a husband n wife sticks together, thru thick n thin, nothing can seperate u guys.

think of ur twins...pls.