Met a girl a yr ago. Met her at an outing with my friends. She
wasnt a head turner, a lil on the heavy side but had an attractive
and confident personality. We exchanged numbers and a week only
were we together. The first date ended well, subsequently, she
steered the relationship rather rapidly which often left me
confused and tired. I was what she was looking for, but for me, i
wouldnt mind being together if we had similar interests and
chemistry. Everything happened so fast that whatever beliefs i had
in what a proper relationship should start and be were compromised.
Overtime, through the months we were together, we quarreled often.
Many a times i was left thinking if all these were worth it. She
knew i would be leaving for overseas studies, and many a times the
fact broke her heart which nearly left me stressed out
myself...
I feel so responsible for her. I had to go overseas whether she
liked it or not. It was my last chance for greener pastures and an
oppportunity to make ig good once more. She constantly needed
assurance if she was in my plans for the future. She feared she
wasnt in it. Honestly, im confused if she's the one. Since the day
we were together, there have been too many differences which really
left me confused. Everytime we quarreled n made up, i secretly
prayed and hoped God n time would lay the path out for us. The only
thing i could do for her was to be as honest and truthful and
responsible with my words. She's from a rather complicated
background but all has been settled. She's financially tight that
often left me worrying for her when she spends unnecessarily.
Frequently i am often thinking of ending it all, but somehow i feel
guilty to think of such thoughts. What is it with me? Before, all
my previous relationships when the slightest hint of uneasiness
about the relationship i would have ended it there and then. But i
dunno what's holding me back. Her relatives all feel that she has
found the right one and often they nag at her to treasure what she
has. It has left alot of pressure on me. Whenever marriage is
brought up, i try my ways and means to evade it. There's so many
things i ahve not accomplished n done that i feel i want to
experience them before thinking about settling down. Also, because
of all these, i oftenlook at other girls. Thinking that i should
deserve a better one.
Is it because of my past experiences in life that has left me
compromising the best for second best? that all the mess i have
brought upon myself? Why? I needed to let it all out....i feel im
gonna implode. Help.
