Relationship in gray area: Advance or retreat?

social_misfit SG · 2006-06-22T20:43:58+00:00

yar! but don be too direct or she will freak out. let her know ur feelings for her then she may open up to you. gook luck!

social_misfit SG

Absent for a few months from this forum. Now crawling back for advice after hitting a deadlock again.

I'm not ashamed to admit my love life is as barren as the desert but I'm making effort to change myself and get a life, though still not reaping any rewards from it yet.

I realised I was a no-life bum who would just stay home on weekends and work on weekdays. So I changed myself. I started to go out, be more worldly and be engaged in some activities such as hiking, watching movies and doing window shopping in shopping malls on weekends instead of sleeping at home or hiding behind the computer to surf the Net.

A couple of months back, I got to know a girl when we attended course together. She was shy, quiet and introverted and bespectacled, so looks more like a girl-next-door than a hot babe that everyone would queue up for. But she caught my attention. We got to know each other a little better and exchanged contact information.

I'm a shy guy and I would never had summon my guts to date someone out previously. But I don't know where I got my guts from and I dated her out. Since then, we have gone out for 3 times to catch movies and have meals alone after work. And I made it a point to see her home each time.

Once, she came over to my cubicle to say hello when she saw me there. And during a lunch organised by the company, she came over and stood next to me to talk to me when I stuck with my group of colleagues from my own project team. But then she never initiates any conversation over MSN if she sees me online and we've never talked for days. It was always me who initiates conversations and dates. But she was always obliging and cheery when I do.

She has not indicated she likes me. Yet I'm not sure if she's waiting for me to initiate something. So I'm in the gray area. I've dated her a couple of times and although I might not have "performed" well on our dates, I showed her the due respect and treated her well to the best of my ability.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm clueless, lost and at a deadend as to what to do next. It seems like I'm in a quagmire - neither advancing nor retreating but stuck at a point. I'm wondering if it is time that I should just do the ultimate and make clear to her about my feeling so that she can:

How? It has been 3 months...And I cannot be a irritating parasite to pester her to go out with me every week as well.

Yunhaier SG

That's strange.

Why would you think that you are an irritating parasite pestering her to go out every week?

Why wouldn't you think that it is quality time spent with people (a.k.a friends) worth going out with? I mean if she accept your dates, it goes to show that she relatively enjoys your company isn't it? You can't be going out with someone you are annoyed with, could you?

You are walking along the right direction. You could maintain status quo to deepen your spell or cast it if you think it is the right time to do so.

Since you have mentioned that you have evolve your lifestyle, learn to appreciate those new routes you have just began. Idea

Cheers

R3SsH|n SG

you like her?

or is it just some crush or hope that you will have a girlfriend?

browniebaobao SG

keep it slow and steady.

she hasn't rejected u so far, so u are doing well neh.

lonestar86 SG

hi social_misfit,

u gonna be straightforward..
pop the question to her..
ask her if shes interested in u..

lonestar86 SG

all of us here r supporting u..
jus do it..

killstyle SG

Exclamation

HolySniper SG

hey bro go for it.. we support u! Very Happy maybe it's time for u to pop the qn... maybe she's waitin for u to ask her too... Wink

Devil1976 SG

Try shifting the direction of the datings a little... Try to get a little more comfortable with her... Drop little hintings along the way and see how she react...?

zeny SG

try this giving her flowers or a nice present even is not for her bd.

Is the best you can do

pwnz0r SG

Inform her that you enjoy spending time with her.. And then see what she says. That way, its a subtle indication in which you can judge her reactions.

Ask her how she feels about spending more time with you, cos you really like spending time with her, for the next step.

If the above 2 statements go well, then I guess you're getting there. If those 2 go great, maybe you can try holding her hand and see how it goes.

Taking her hand and not asking would be the best approach. At most you kenna slap only Mr. Green

pierre^^ SG

at least u got a date… my snoobish keep finding excuse nt to see movie using my coins…

antoh SG

My experience tells me she is keeping you on the list. See if there is anyone better than you comes by.

So do not waste your time on her. She is not matured in her relationship.

pierre^^ SG

u dun anihow advise la~ maybe she is jus too shy.

lonestar86 SG

I gonna say this..

she agree to go out with u means uve hope..

so go for it..
dun miss it..
gd luck..

hyperactivechatterbox SG

Continue at that pace! Jia you!

alexkusu SG

advance if you think you can win

and have a strategy to win

Xcert SG

since U know the "worst" outcome that can happen...what's holding U back?

social_misfit SG

OK. I managed to get another date with her. But I've not told her about how I feel yet. But I do feel threatened and jealous when I think about losing her to another guy.

Anyway, I think it's kind of a rushed decision to just want to jump into a relationship. All in all, we've only 3 movie dates so far and I need more time as well to get to know her better to see how committed I am as well.

My frustration is more about how to move into the next higher level, to be her good friend and be more involved in her life. For now, we've not yet moved beyond friends who come out occassionally, say once a month. I do wonder how to expand the variety of things we can do and increase the frequency of our dates.

I think the answer will be clearer if I can ever move beyond the current stage. I certainly hope that one day I can be at least her good friend whom she can confide in and invite out to share in her activities.

1bigmess SG

the fact that she accepted your dates meant that she is interested, so dun fret Wink
try telling her what you are saying to us now i.e. " I think it's a kind of a rushed decision to jump into a r/s but i do feel threatened and jealous when I think abt losing you to another guy.... " and about your frustration..

You'll be surprised, think she will be touched by your sincerity. Very Happy
At least I am... Embarassed