a job-related chasm. helpp!!!

tick tickle ticklish SG

My bf and me have been together for about a year. Hes been all nice and sweet, except for one thing: we cant seem to agree on his choice of career. He wants to be an accountant, much to my regret.

Accountants, as the very nature of their jobs dictate, suffer the tragedy of working long and tiring hours. To top it all, he is bound to spend most of his time staring at facts and figures that never add up anyway.

Ive spent countless futile attempts persuading him to change his course of study ( he hasnt entered the uni yet so its not too late) into a more meaningful and desirable job, like a vet or a pharmacist. Everytime the subject matter is raised, he tells me that Im being unfair to him.

This is my dilemma: as a gf, Im well aware that I should be supportive of his future endeavours. However, I cant visualize myself spending the rest of my life with an accountant. (yeap I do go for long term relationships). Can anyone, experienced or not, pls give me your two cents worth?

MooKu SG

a career is for life!

would you like the one you love to do something that is not what he really wants?

maybe you should start to plan and think of how you can work together with him to make married life wonderful even with the time constraints that might arise.

walesa SG

How old are you? From your description, I doubt both of you are hardly out of your teens.

Truth be told, I can imagine very few guys(sane and sound ones anyway Mr. Green ) allowing others - and I include family members in that assessment - to dictate what choice of career they should pursue. I suppose the people around him can influence, counsel or advise him at best, but I just don't see much hope(and neither do I find it appropriate personally) of you changing his thoughts on this matter. I mean, at the end of the day, how is he going to survive spending decades on a profession which he might not have much interest in?

And an even more pertinent question, what's your main concern really? That he can't spend enough time with you? I mean, in all seriousness, if you really had such an aversion to marrying an accountant(for whatever reason unbeknown to me) that you can't see this relationship working out because of that, I suppose both of you would be better off finding someone else.

With no disrespect, but if such a predicament - of having to choose between a woman and what I should do for a living - was ever put to me, there is only ever going to be one outcome. Mr. Green

tick tickle ticklish SG

that he will end up neglecting me in the course of his career. i supposed that you wouldn't blame me for being proned to such an aversion, for which woman would want a union characterized by the virtual absence of her other half?

you have espoused this matter very well from a guy's point of view. at least i now know how he feels...

Devil1976 SG

How do you know that if he take up other courses, he'll be more 'free'? Would you be blaming him for not earning enough if he's 'free' enough then?

Personally, I would say... RESPECT HIS DECISION. If he's UNHAPPY with his decision, high chance would be that he won't be happy being stuck with this career in the future... And GUESS who should take the BLAME for that? Don't suffer such a kinda 'handicap' for a relationship... It might really goes MUCH FURTHER than ya thought...

Discuss your concerns with him and see how he may address to them... Or at least he should be aware and take note of them...? See if you people can work out an alternative...? If not...? REMEMBER... It's HIS CAREER... RESPECT THAT. Wink

PS. If you can't trust him enough to handle this, I think you might be having trust issues in the future already yeah? Wink

oxford mushroom SG

i understand how you feel but is there a job that does not demand long hours in Singapore? If there is one at all, the pay must be low and the job can be lost at any time. If you can come to work at 9 and leave at 5pm sharp, your boss will consider getting rid of your job and let your colleague cover your duties. Save one post and pay another overtime to take over the job.

Accountants work hard, but only if they work in the private sector. Your bf can consider a job in the Civil Service (join the tax collectors) or teach accountacy in a poly or one of the private business schools. The pay will be lower but the hours are better.

walesa SG

I suppose your concerns are not totally unfounded, but you've got to realise your concerns are hardly altruistic as well?

Just put yourself in his shoes : for instance, how would you like it if he expressed concerns about this relationship simply on the basis that you are not willing to remain a housewife in the long term? Or for that matter, having him dictating what friends you should hang out with? That's basically what you're putting him through if you're even attempting to talk him round to pursuing other careers despite knowing accountancy is what he really wants to do.

There're certainly other ways to go about addressing your concerns than the measure you've resorted to IMO. Moreover, I suppose you should look at his determination on pursuing a career in accountancy a positive sign - at least, he knows what he wants and is prepared to stand firm. For starters, that quality should stand him in good stead - and to your benefit as well - to stand by you in time to come when the occasions demand it. Mr. Green I'm sure you wouldn't want a boyfriend/husband who is indecisive and can be easily persuaded to renege on a commitment/decision, would you?

Wind6 SG

Let him choose lah, if he likes it , go ahead. he is not ur puppet Laughing

FORGET-ME-NOT SG

Yes, Accountant is a tough job and there is a limit in earning. Usually, men don’t like this bound to table job. But it has its pros too, they are busy usually during month end only and they don’t need to entertain guest. That mean they don’t have to go to those ‘KTV’. I rather my SO to spend long hours on work then on other things, Is a good thing he has an ambition.

Gwangetto SG

in my opinion, u ought to support him and respect his decision to do something which he likes doing.

think of it this way, if the job isn't to his liking he might do very badly in it and perhaps not get promoted or worse, get fired. it's only by doing what he enjoys and if he finds his passion at something, the more u should encourage him more and support him morally.

as for spending time with u, it could be during the weekends? but even if there're limited time, it still boils down to time management. how u both handle ur time together and apart is very important. again, this takes effort and lots of communication.

i'm sure that if he's the guy u really love, no matter how busy he is, u'd still be there for him. continue to love him and support his dreams and desires. in that way, he'll feel more at ease and he'll be able to excel in his career.

i'm speaking as a man's point of view. to a man, his career is everything. if he can succeed in his career, it could mean that he can be able to provide more for his wife or family.

so learn to love and give without expecting so much in return. at the same time, think of some ways in which u can also enrich urself.

Wink

drx SG

you cannot control a person dreams and wants...

From your point of view is becos of the tiring hours that you are afarid of but don't you think is very selfish of you to want what you want?

Let me ask you, if you want to be a vet and your bf object will you still go ahead?

Most important of all is he loves you... If he does not have the heart of you even he can be with you for 24 hours it does not matter at all.

Put it this way he may be doing long hours at work, but he do not have a chance to fool around at least you will be feeling more secured.

dcx SG

Well....for i don't see anything wrong being with an accountant....afterall, despite the work load they'll be facing and lifestyles MIGHT be changed....they're still your loved ones...

Perphaps you would like to understand n communicate with him that work's work, family's family...try not to implicate family into work, vice versa.

Since he wanted to be an accountant in the future, instead of supporting him, you're actually disagreeing with him....That's good...at least you let your worries and thoughts known to him....Communicate well...see what're his plans and tell him what you'r thinking....Compromise...

One thing, you can't pass a verdict on his amibtion of being an accountant due to your knowledge of an accountant...every occupation has its pros n cons...

How he's going to manage his job in the future, say, being an accountant, i'm sure he'll need your support....vice versa....Work things out and things will turn out to be pleasant...who noes?~ Wink

My fiancee also wanna be an accountant..in fact, she studied accoutancy and she has decided to further her studies in accountacy...well...i do have the same worries like you do have....but after some thoughts about it, shldn't i be helping her? Wink

Praetorian111 SG

The job of an accountant in this day is relatively easier. Computerization of the accounting process has reduces accountants having to manually record the entry one by one. The most busy time of their time will be during the auditing period, it is either by internal auditors or external ones. Other than that, most accountants are generally like all office workers working 8-5.

If his interest is really into accountancy I believe you will have to learn to accept to the fact and support him. Maybe you do have negative steorotypes against accountants in general however trust me it is a relatively respected profession that commands a decently high salary.

mistyblue SG

I think you should be supportive instead. Its his life, not yours, even if you are bf/gf or husband/wife.

elindra SG

Seriously, find me a job that does not include long hours these days.

Anyway think of it this way. If he decides to study banking and finance, he has to work long hours anyway and might have to entertain clients as well. At least as an accountant he is desk bound.

A vet? You gotta be kidding me. You might as well ask him to be a doctor. It's easier studying to be a doctor anyway. At least you only study the human body whereas for a vet, there are so many different kinds of anatomy to study. Being a vet is not exactly desirable as not everyone wants to handle animals and animals can smell.

Be glad that he has a goal in life and knows what he wants when most people his age are drifting around. You should be supportive of him and an Accountant is considered a professional as well especially if he goes for the ACCA certification. It's a highly respectable job, plus every company needs accountants Laughing

Uncle_MooMoo SG

Nothing wrong with an accounting job, know of a few accountant husbands that are able to spend a decent amount of time with their family. Besides, time changes, who knows what will happen in 5years time. Maybe Vets would be the new OT job.

sgFish SG

If he wants to go ahead to pursue his choice of career, the best thing his gf could do for him is to support him in it. I think there wouldn't really be a lack of time for you two to spend together if he is an accountant, so there isn't really any problem

Unless the reason why you want him to not be an accountant is because you might think your friends might not think highly of your bf as it isn't really a
'glamourous' job. If this is the case, i think a mindset change would be the solution...

all the best to the both of you Smile

kopiosatu SG

don't be selfish.

tell him how you feel and work to a compromise.

ur happiness doesn't mean he'll be happy. and he being an accounted, you're not happy.

talking about it and trying to find a solution TOGETHER is what i suggest.

parn SG

You know...I've always wanted to be the President of the United States Crying or Very sad But that's out of point isn't it? Smile

Ok...you need to remember that he's just your bf at of this moment, so whatever he chose to work as in the future shouldn't be of any concern to you now. Reason is simple, you don't own him and neither does he need your permission to go ahead with his ambitions. So you shouldn't waste your time concerning about what career choice he should make, but instead focus more on him as a person and determine if he is really the one for you. When he's being nice, concern, caring, sweet...it's really is a standard operating procedures for him to show his concern for you as his gf. But, does he make any effort to do things beyond that? You should know if he's serious about you and the relationship right? Smile

Let him do what he wants in his life, especially if it is to his interest. He might excel as an accountant for all you know, so do keep your faith in him. I don't think he will take a risk and let you drink porridge everyday for the future. Smile

Don't think too far ahead when it isn't confirmed that you will be spending your future with him. Take a break and zoom your visual back to the present world. It's easier to gain more happiness and enjoy your relationship if you would just take a step back go with the pace of your relationship...rather than fast-forwarding it to preview the anticipated future. Smile

You can disagree with his decision, but do try to stay within the fine lines of a concerned gf and not a possessive gf. He is who he is and you will love him as the person he is to you, never to the kind of occupation that he's holding.

For now, please make your top priority to strive for a good, happy and healthy relationship with your bf. For all you know...a lovely relationship will make him adjust his priorities on his own accord. So you don't actually need to worry so much about it. As long as you're getting more and more lovable to him, he will definitely have to reshuffle/rethink all his present and future decisions for the sake of not losing you in his world. Smile

Good luck. Smile