Hello, may i ask a question? Is this what you exactly
desire?
You want to become a person who
could cherish the other party and at the same time they return back
by cherishing you?
*I do hope i use the word cherish correctly
Looks like I am in the same boat as you 
You know, sometimes, the best way to cure emotions is yourself,
even if you seek psychiatrict help, but if your heart is not there
it wont be cured.
I know how it feels...like for example, I cant remain eye contact
with others because, i fear that they may laugh or feel disgusted
because of my ugly face.
Sometimes, you hide yourself in the nutshell, you keep everything
to yourself, you feel very lonely, you wanted someone there to
light you up.
So the best way is to open your heart, leave all your past
mistakes, instead of depressing yourself, learn from them, build up
your character.
Heres a song for you( Do hope it relates to you somehow...)
Cherish by ai otsuka
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IC3vkYjLdHQ&search=cherish
the lyrics - translated
itsukaraka suteki Na koto wa
hitsuzen youshite dokoka O ushinatta
kokoro No tsunagari nor obiete
karada of umeyou to shita
fuan O gomakashita sounded mainichi No naka
anata wa soft atashi No kokoro No naka nor ita
I do not remember any more since how long
those which are formidable, by need
I lost some parts of them
I was so much afraid to have the psychological relation
that I tried to fill it by the body
I cheated, concern, during these days
you were already in my heart
moshimo futari fukaku omoetemo
itsuka koko of toki O oetemo
zutto atashi anata O aishite
you O nobashiteru to omoetano
if all two us aimont deeply
even if a day, here, one separates
I believed that I will lengthen the arm
by loving you for always
aijou wa nante mono kowai
nigetari motomeru will dakara
otona datoka kodomo datoka soft kankei naiyo
the love is so cruel
thus one flees and continues
there is nothing to see whether one is adult or child
marude hatsukoi mitai
unmei dato omoeru will kurai
daki aeba kanjiru
korehodo nor nai yumegoro
as if it were the first love
so much so that I believe that it is the destiny
I feel that when one tightens oneself
which happiness that this dream
moshimo futari deaenakereba
konna fuu nor waraenakatta
kotoshi ichiban shiawase nano wa
anata No soba nor ireta koto
if both we do not meet
I could not smile like that
this year, which is happiest
it is canto have been able to remain with you
moshimo futari fukaku omoete
itsuka koko of toki O oetemo
zutto atashi anata O aishite
you O nobashiteru to omoetano
if both like deeply
even if a day, here, one separates
I believed that I will lengthen the arm
by loving you for always
