Here is an article from a dating service which I hope to share
with anyone who are experiencing the same...
"We have noticed recently that members give the reason for not
meeting again as no chemistry. No chemistry? We do not expect you
to discover chemistry with a person you have just met. The longer
it takes for chemistry to develop the more likely it is to last.
The chemistry you see between two people on TV and in movies that
results in happiness forever after is an illusion. If any of you
experienced instant chemistry that lasted forever, after the age of
30, you wouldnt be single now. It just doesnt happen or if it
does it is very rare. So rare that you may as well forget about
searching for it. Develop a more practical attitude to finding a
partner and get on with it.
When you were 18 20, there was instant chemistry, but once you
are over thirty you look less like an 18 year old and so do others,
so one has to rely on a lot more than just looks, namely ones
personality for attraction. For a lasting relationship, one must be
looking for matching core values rather than just looks.
The reason a person does not have chemistry at first is because
their appearance is not like: your mother, your sisters, your
female cousins and the girl next door (if you are male); or your
father, your brothers, your male cousins and the boy next door (if
you are female). These are the looks you are familiar with.
However, it does not mean you cant find others attractive too.
When you meet new people, when you first join a club, the people
you meet may not seem instantly attractive to you. However once you
see them in action, i.e. performing, you change your mind. When you
see actors on the screen they are not always attractive instantly,
yet you warm to them as the film progresses. You become more
familiar with their looks, but more importantly, their personality
wins you over.
True love doesnt happen instantly its like peeling layers or
plucking petals off a rose. It takes time to discover if a person
has the core values or inner qualities that you are looking
for.
Lets look at Chemistry
It is a fickle emotion. If you feel there is a chemistry, but he
doesnt phone you when he says he will or he cant remember what
you told him yesterday, the chemistry fades very quickly. If you
think a woman is absolutely gorgeous, but she offends or insults
you the chemistry will disappear. Yet I hear of chemistry igniting
between two single people who have been plutonic friends for
ages.
Regarding physical appearance
When people form a relationship, they think their partner is
absolutely gorgeous. So stop worrying about the physical features.
They are not the factors that are going to make the relationship
work or last. If someone doesnt look like your father or brothers
and so are not your style of looks but do look presentable, dig a
little deeper to see if that person has the qualities you are
seeking. You may never know unless you are prepared to dig a little
deeper.
Dont look for faults because if you do, thats all you will find.
You may not find 10 good features at first if you are not practiced
but keep practicing and it will become easier. Form trial
friendships before relationships. If you are not adept at forming
friendships, you will miss out when you meet a Mr/Ms Right. The
friends you make dont have to be perfect. Because no-one ever
really is perfect. Look at your friends do they have a uniform
height or a perfect figure? By making friends, you are broadening
your opportunities because your Mr/Ms Right may be the best friend
of one of your introductions and you will never know unless you
make an effort. If you refuse to meet an introduction a second or
third time, you are not giving that person the confidence they need
to make it work for them. If you help enough other people get what
they want, you will get what you want.
Do not use text messages to set up meetings or get an initial
discussion going between yourself and your introduction. Text
messages can all too easily be misinterpreted as feelings and tone
do not come across in a text message. It is OK to use them to let
your introduction know if you will be say 10 minutes late to your
agreed meeting place, but if you wish to cancel a meeting, have the
courtesy to at least try to call rather than just texting
them.
Most people learn about marriage and relationships through
observing the marriages of parents, relatives and friends. Powerful
(and often unrealistic) messages about relationships are also
delivered through television and magazines. You might have already
experienced marriage and/or a significant previous relationship
which, when combined with the above factors, may mean you and your
partner hold quite different views on relationships.
All couples experience relationship problems at some time or other
its part of sharing your life with another human being. The
difference between relationships that work and those that dont is
how well the challenges and problems faced are dealt with. Couples
typically wait until their relationship has already started to
break down before considering doing any work on the difficulties
they have. The best time to learn relationship skills is at the
start of a relationship. This allows plenty of time to practice the
skills youve learnt which means youll probably avoid major
relationship difficulties further down the track."
