Active or Passive: Striking a Balance

social_misfit SG · 2006-03-16T00:03:57+00:00

machiam play tennis, sometimes the ball is in your court, sometimes she starts. but dun try to act cool and pretend u bochap, she will think u not interest...

social_misfit SG

Hi all,

Got over my sob story for you guys who frequent this forum. Not longer dwelling on the past and I guess I stepped down graciously successfully.

Now met a new shy bespectacled nerdy gal, yet I find her so cute for some reason. I sent her a online greeting card giving her my contact information whe I learnt of her email address and she in turn added me to her MSN messenger contact list, and also SMSed me which provided me with her HP number.

Things seem fine for now. Good enough to be casual friend. I can tell she isn't really attracted to me or anything, but I guess I left her an OK impression or at least she doesn't find me irritating or repulsive. Last nite, she SMSed me to wish me good nite. Was quite a big surprise for me.

So now in a dilemma: should I be more proactive to try to chat with her more often on MSN, or not to overdo things. I read that gals hate guys who keep trying to talk to them which in the female perspective, see the guys like wussy who like to cling to them. The idea is for guys to avoid talking too much to retain some sense of mystery and to generate some interest in her mind. Yet if I sit back and do nothing also means waiting for something to happen; and to wait for the gal to express interest? Isn't this ridiculous?

I need to strike a balance somehow, to avoid being overly aggressive when I'm not close to her yet, yet not appear too aloof, distanced and cold as if I'm not attracted to her a single bit. But always feel the temptation to initiate a conversation. For the past 3 days, I've suppressed my temptation to initiate a conversation and not spoken to her at all.

How? how?

M©+square SG

Cool

Qing^.^ SG

Perhaps u shld start intiating?

I dun tink having a conversation with her once every few days will hurt. Doubt she will tink its irritating also..

Anyway if u wanna be frens with her i doubt not intiating any conversation will help rite? Wink

yuko-ogura SG

yes.

yet the art of seduction can only work when there is attraction.

create mystery and intrigue and increase her attraction for u by not answering her qns directly and turning it into a playful reply.

engage in conversation with her once in a while.

clingy wusses tok on msn or sms women everydae for fear they might lose their gurl.

do u want to be one?

M©+square SG

Originally posted by yuko-ogura:

yes.

yet the art of seduction can only work when there is attraction.

create mystery and intrigue and increase her attraction for u by not answering her qns directly and turning it into a playful reply.

[b]engage in conversation with her once in a while.

clingy wusses tok on msn or sms women everydae for fear they might lose their gurl.

do u want to be one?[/b]

Rolling Eyes Laughing

yuko-ogura SG

wad's wrong domo? Rolling Eyes Smile

M©+square SG

Just by simply stating AOS without the form is non executable.

It's like substance without form.

That's why you don't see Yunnie and those who have knowledge will state AOS.

Good attempt nonetheless.

Domo! Cheers

yuko-ogura SG

dun understand..cheem.

Cheers anyway.

M©+square SG

Hmm...i suggest you grasp the theory behind before presenting then.

It might be misleading for viewers if mere text were typed and ambiguosity was created. When asked to clarify or prob further on how to execute.
You're stuck.
Moreover, you're stuck on your own probs yeah? Wink

Read more - experience more.

yuko-ogura SG

any books to recommend?

M©+square SG

Seriously, the best advice and book i'll suggest is:

The book of experience - written by yourself.

You need to see and observe the world(local context).

yuko-ogura SG

ok.

congrats too..

DA ranked #41. Mr. Green

M©+square SG

Thanks.

I know my post are alittle hard to swallow.
But...i choose to tell it straight to the point.

Very Happy Let me know if you mind.

Devil1976 SG

Personal advice for you now is just to be yourself... Talk to her if you want to / like to and she respond equally in a positive manner.... Sometimes it's hard to state what's too much talking and what's not.... It's varies between people and even possibly within the same person.... If you're afraid that you might be pestering her too much, just set a line so that you don't overstep it... And also... You can be more senstive to her reaction and even ask her yourself (but don't do this too often or you might start to sound like yuor grandpa...)... Conversations hold so long as both patries are willing and comfortable... Better still if interested and attracted... All these don't only happen between different genders but is in fact applicable to the same gender too...

Regarding the 'drawing far' to make yourself desirable thingy... I think you can forget about it... I doubt you're really much of a 'player' yourself, so playing the court which is not your game could probably only means unnecessary trouble eventually... If you're genuinely interested in this girl, it is thus not recommended to play by those set of rules....

drx SG

you are too afarid to love again cos of your past experience.
Take it from me, chat with her as a friend and with share your problems with her and see how she respond.

As a friend you need not worry so much. Have fun lar. life is too short to worry so much.

FeowFeow SG

Hi Social Misfit,

Hmm, somebody has been listening & taking into account different opinions Wink And I thought I'd never see the day Laughing

Alrighty, here's something from a WOMAN's perspective, yah?

Listen to Dev. His advice about being yourself is correct, although he may sound cliche. Some girls may find the tongue-tied guy who keeps tugging at their shirt sleeves charming & adorable, but that's Not always the case. Some girls hate it (myself included) when a guy keeps hounding them because they like their own space, their independence, & blah blah blah.

You can't cater to every single girl's tastes, otherwise there wouldn't be the saying, "There's someone for everyone". But you will charm some people, & who knows, you might find your partner amongst these.

Moreover, if you're Not being yourself, chances are, the girl will know Wink Women rely VERY HEAVILY on intuition, & we DO have an eye for detail, especially body language Laughing

Just relax & be a friend to this girl. Get to know her better, & let her know you. Treat her as you would treat a friend, No pressure, & have easy conversations. If she can open up to you & trust you, then you guys can take it further.

FeowFeow

dokono SG

I beg to differ.

Just being yourself is not a very specific method to attract girls. Rather than just be yourself, I believe you should take some proactive steps to make a difference in your life. Learn what kinds of mistakes you have been making last time. Learn the correct postures, attitudes and mindsets that will make you attractive. You don't just wait and let things happen. Learn to improve yourself. There's nothing wrong with personal improvement. You are still you but better than a loser. Ever heard why the loser ultimately becomes the winner because he wants to improve himself? Because he's willing to put the effort to do so.

Good things don't come easily. Im not asking you to rush. But do strike while the iron is hot. Just being yourself doesn't help you go far. You need to learn the correct things from people who are successful.

Women already understand men and they have been getting more help than ever from those self-help books to help hook their men even more. Guys who are really bad with gals need help the most. And there's nothing wrong with a little self-improvement on this aspect of their lives.

Wink

FeowFeow SG

Erm Razz Ok, these are the kinda guys that I'd AVOID Laughing

But to each his own Razz

FeowFeow

Boo777 SG

Being yourself is good, like wat Feow said. But dun be full of it, like I did and got outta control Laughing

Boo777 SG

I agreed with dokono too, the self-improvement part. First impression counts IMO. But I dun agree with "Women already understand Men". Hell, opposite sex can't understand each other, unless they communicate.

So, u have to tok to her more, joke around, fill some joy into her life which she'll remembers it. Not just this "Oh, he is just some guy I met some place." Ask her out, have a TCSS session. Talk about everything under the sun.