Why?

Snoops88 SG

ok, when school just started for me last year, somehow i was close friends with this female classmate of mine, we chatted on the phone and watched movies, she has jus broken up with her ex and sometimes tells me about him.
i would tell her about this nice gal i met and would like to woo her.
we would talk on the phone few times a week and this went on .

somehow that nice gal got attached and we continued like this for 6 months.
there were guys chasing her and she would tell me about them.

Then somehow, i got attracted to her and gave signs in my blog, i think she realised it and somehow started to avoid me by not calling me to chat anymore, does not talk much personal stuff to me anymore. and she happens to find out she herself is attracted to some other guy .
She also asked me about my blog thing, and i sort of confessed but she didn't have an answer and said something like if cannot be couple still can be friend.

why the sudden change in behaviour.

then recently, she told one of my secrets to some other guy in my class which she thought i would not know since the guy also promised her not to say anything out. and she personally promised me not to tell out my secret.

actually the secret is me liking her.

so i went to confront her about it, and she admitted, and now she expects me to forgive her, saying its part of human nature or some rubbish and she has said sorry, now we no longer talk to each other.

what should i have done? we'r no longer good friends, not even friends i might say.

FBI SG

i dunno why she told her friend. But i can say she only treat u as a friend but u think otherwise.

Next time b4 u do something pls considered the consequences.

Snoops88 SG

but she kind of betrayed me and expects me to accept it, expecting me to be the one to speak to her again

dokono SG

u made the mistake of giving ur signs in ur blog. nothing much u can do. dun do anything. that's the best u can do.

FBI SG

jus pretend nth had happened. see how she will react to this. Then u will find your answer whether she is considered your friend or not

Snoops88 SG

ok thanks alot, till now, we’ve not spoken to each other

FBI SG

if she takes the initiative to talk to u then she still can b forgiven if not don give a damn abt her anymore

Snoops88 SG

ok..thanks so much

Magnus SG

She broke the confidentiality clause in "making friends 101".
And disclose it to a guy somemore.

It's good that that you know now than later.

The next time she came looking for you. Beware.

Devil1976 SG

Even friends make mistakes... It's seriously just about how much you treasure the friendship and whether you wish to forgive and forget... You're now still relatively quiteyoung... As life goes on, you'll realise that as a friend gets closer and closer to you... There're bound to be mistakes and misunderstandings coming up in between from time to time... Wink

Angles SG

Betrayal of trust is the most painful tt can ever happen to anyone. A friend who treats you as a friend will nt betray u of ur trust for them. to me this girl is not keeping even as a frien. When she came to you, was out her loneliness or subcousiously unaware that she is giving out wrong signals? Bt obviously when it ended, all she wants you to be is sometink she can rattle everytink to and not interested in a r/s or worse nt even a friend bt someone who she can make use of. She needed someone at the point of her breakdown and u happens to be thr. But what past let it past, you cant revive wat oreadi happened. live ur life to the fullest for ur future.

Afterall, she aint the only tree in the forest.

curiousOrange SG

She is right about something

Would you sit down and discuss with a bear how to split the fishes both of you have caught for dinner?

The bear is always hungry.

The bear doesnt care about promises he made when he is hungry.

So he decides to have all the fishes and YOU for his dinner.

I was in the Arts faculty when I was in JC. Then I studied Accountancy.

The women outnumbered the guys in my classes all the time so its not difficult to spot a few traits along the way.

I met a few nice women who can keep secrets.

I met a lot of women who couldnt.

Women who couldnt keep secrets, enjoy talking and digging out secrets.

Next they will go, Noooo.of course not! I will not tell a soul about that

But they cant contain the excitement when they have information in their hands. You know what is going to happen next.

The girl is right when she said its human nature.

Some points you should consider:

About control

You cannot control the external environment.

To be precise, you cannot control what people want to do when they have information.

But you can seek to understand the nature of people and act accordingly.

Always observe carefully for a period of time what a person is like before you disclose something important to him or her.

Friendship or love?

When she said that she is not interested and wants to be a friend with you, she does not automatically qualify.

You have to qualify her first.

Once you decide she can be a friend, you treat her like a friend.

Would you stand for it if one of your male friends shows you bad attitude even though he knows he is in the wrong?

The problem in this case is that you failed to draw a clear line.

Now she thinks its alright to piss you off with her bad attitude on the basis that you still have weak knees for her.

To get out of this mess, start thinking what exactly do you want from her.

If you are not capable of being friends with her and still decide to stick around hoping that she will change her mind, I will see you in a few months time and you will be writing a new post:

Help me! Nice guys finish last! Boohoo!!

Re-evaluate this girl in your life

Her: Let me tell you a secret. You know that guy blah blah blah.he wrote in his blog that he is interested in me. He also confessed face to face!

Two things can be said about this girl

She cannot keep her mouth shut when it comes to secrets.

(I dont have too much problems with thatits human nature as I mentioned earlier.)

She is an insecure little girl who loves attention.

For some reasons, she seems to have a constant urge to impress people.

She told you about the other guys who are chasing her.

Now she tells the new guy that you are chasing her.

She loves the attention she is getting from boysyou included.

People who have to go around telling others how desirable they are, are usually quite insecure about themselves.

Insecure people drag you down. Avoid rather than try to change them.

Time will tell you more about this friend of yours.

Observe her for the time being.

Good luck and take care.

Snoops88 SG

thanks for the repllies Embarassed
i feel better already.

actually mi and her and few of the other classmates were in a group together, but mi and her were closer, that guy who she told my secret to was in the group also. but now i've left that group of pple as i felt i deserved better.

and after the attitude change, i spoke lesser and lesser to her as its hard to try talking to someone who isn't really interested in talking to u

still haf many pple to go to anyway

LinLing SG

If she continues ignoring you, ignore her. But if she also comes crawling back to you, kick her away. She is just trying to find out more secrets from you so she can leak it all out and show-off. Evil or Very Mad

Snoops88 SG

no la.. she actually doesn't go around telling pple's secrets, it jus happens that the guy asked her about us, den she told him, but she noes its suppose to be kept secret and told the guy not to say anything,

somehow i got to know about it

curiousOrange SG

Snoops

I wrote a long post for you mainly hoping that by understanding the way of things, you will not have to resort to hating her.

My main concern when I read your post is that you, rather gullibly, make someone promise not to tell a secret instead of look at the persons actions to make a judgment whether you can trust her.

If she can tell you about all the other guys who are chasing her, she will not hesitate to do that again. This is regardless of whether she makes a promise or not.

I think she said it best

Just like the man who tried to negotiate with the bear, you fail to recognize that its her nature.

So dont hate her for that.

Im not sure whether burning the bridges with everyone in her group is a good idea.

I am concerned about how that will affect your reputation and image in school.

Just take it as she betrayed your trustyou have to re-qualify her as a friend. You dont have to do anything more about your relationship with her. Let her come to you.

But the others have done nothing to put you into the mess you are going through.

Be a man of reason.

There could be people in that group who care about your feelingsyou could be missing out.

Take care and think about it.

yuko-ogura SG

Originally posted by curiousOrange:

Snoops

I wrote a long post for you mainly hoping that [b]by understanding the way of things, you will not have to resort to hating her.

My main concern when I read your post is that you, rather gullibly, make someone promise not to tell a secret instead of look at the persons actions to make a judgment whether you can trust her.

If she can tell you about all the other guys who are chasing her, she will not hesitate to do that again. This is regardless of whether she makes a promise or not.

I think she said it best

Just like the man who tried to negotiate with the bear, you fail to recognize that its her nature.

So dont hate her for that.

Im not sure whether burning the bridges with everyone in her group is a good idea.

I am concerned about how that will affect your reputation and image in school.

Just take it as she betrayed your trustyou have to re-qualify her as a friend. You dont have to do anything more about your relationship with her. Let her come to you.

But the others have done nothing to put you into the mess you are going through.

Be a man of reason.

There could be people in that group who care about your feelingsyou could be missing out.

Take care and think about it.
[/b]

nicely written.

curious-orange..im also in a similar predicament too..

during the past few meetings where i could have met her, i would try to avoid doing so..

it's like wan to forget her..but she jus keeps harping on my mind..wad do u suggest doing,my fren? Sad

curiousOrange SG

Yuko

I will be away on a business trip on Monday. I will not be posting for a long time. With this long post, I have you and some other younger forumers (who might stumble upon this post) in mind.

I hope you will find answers to some questions you may have.

Regarding your current situation

You did not really walk away. You left her physically. That is all.

You are still emotionally attached to the possibilities.

In my case,

Walking away = Be emotionally detached from the possibilities.

I believe you are trying to do the same but is unable to do so because of your lingering feelings for her.

You do not have to avoid her to be emotionally detached from her.

Mindset

To be able to walk away, you need to understand a simple truth.

Everybody in this world is looking for love and acceptance from someone else.

If a woman rejects you,

Look beyond the remarks she makes.

Look beyond the flirting and mind games she once played on you.

Understand the simple truth;

She did what she has done because like you, she is looking for love and acceptance.

Understand this truth so that you do not have to resort to hating or avoiding anyone.

Also understand that some things in life are and some things arent.

You just have to continue your journey, without her in your consideration.

Techniques and tactics ?

You have seen me writing about techniques when it comes to relationships and you think Im some tactical expert.

Truth is, I am not. I merely write things here that reflect a mindset.

What I have written in this forum:

Dont attempt to buy her affection., Have humor and be funny.

Be busy and dont call her too often., Dont be desperate as it kills your game

If you perceive all these as tactics and techniques, you are on the wrong track.

Some believe that relationship advices are telling them to be actors.

So they pretend to be busy. They walk away from a woman, thinking its part of their tactics.

Its a wrong mindset to have.

You will never be happy when your life revolves around tactics.

The correct mindset you should have is to focus on yourself.

Understand that if you dont put yourself first, no one will.

To seek love and acceptance from someone else, you must be able to love and accept yourself totally.

Those advices are not tactics. Its a journey to constantly improve yourself so that you can accept and love yourself.

For instance:

You are not trying to act busy. You ARE busy when she calls because you have to focus on your life first instead of her.

You are not trying to act funny and humorous. You enjoy your life and you want people around you to feel the joy and have fun.

When you have the correct mindset, you will recognise that those are not tactics.

You will do things like that naturally because it is all a part of you.

Tactics is not something that can be substained over time. A mindset however can stay with you for life.

Dont live for yesterday. Yesterday is over.

You can think about yesterday. But dont live in it.

So when a rejection comes along, move on with life instead of ponder over what could have been.

Dont live for tomorrow. You can plan for tomorrow.

But tomorrow is an uncertainty. So never push/postpone what you want to do today until tomorrow.

Live for today. Enjoy today.

Take care.

Devil1976 SG

Originally posted by curiousOrange:
Yuko

I will be away on a business trip on Monday. I will not be posting for a long time. With this long post, I have you and some other younger forumers (who might stumble upon this post) in mind.

I hope you will find answers to some questions you may have.

[b]Regarding your current situation

You did not really walk away. You left her physically. That is all.

You are still emotionally attached to the possibilities.

In my case,

Walking away = Be emotionally detached from the possibilities.

I believe you are trying to do the same but is unable to do so because of your lingering feelings for her.

You do not have to avoid her to be emotionally detached from her.

Mindset

To be able to walk away, you need to understand a simple truth.

Everybody in this world is looking for love and acceptance from someone else.

If a woman rejects you,

Look beyond the remarks she makes.

Look beyond the flirting and mind games she once played on you.

Understand the simple truth;

She did what she has done because like you, she is looking for love and acceptance.

Understand this truth so that you do not have to resort to hating or avoiding anyone.

Also understand that some things in life are and some things arent.

You just have to continue your journey, without her in your consideration.

Techniques and tactics ?

You have seen me writing about techniques when it comes to relationships and you think Im some tactical expert.

Truth is, I am not. I merely write things here that reflect a mindset.

What I have written in this forum:

Dont attempt to buy her affection., Have humor and be funny.

Be busy and dont call her too often., Dont be desperate as it kills your game

If you perceive all these as tactics and techniques, you are on the wrong track.

Some believe that relationship advices are telling them to be actors.

So they pretend to be busy. They walk away from a woman, thinking its part of their tactics.

Its a wrong mindset to have.

You will never be happy when your life revolves around tactics.

The correct mindset you should have is to focus on yourself.

Understand that if you dont put yourself first, no one will.

To seek love and acceptance from someone else, you must be able to love and accept yourself totally.

Those advices are not tactics. Its a journey to constantly improve yourself so that you can accept and love yourself.

For instance:

You are not trying to act busy. You ARE busy when she calls because you have to focus on your life first instead of her.

You are not trying to act funny and humorous. You enjoy your life and you want people around you to feel the joy and have fun.

When you have the correct mindset, you will recognise that those are not tactics.

You will do things like that naturally because it is all a part of you.

Tactics is not something that can be substained over time. A mindset however can stay with you for life.

Dont live for yesterday. Yesterday is over.

You can think about yesterday. But dont live in it.

So when a rejection comes along, move on with life instead of ponder over what could have been.

Dont live for tomorrow. You can plan for tomorrow.

But tomorrow is an uncertainty. So never push/postpone what you want to do today until tomorrow.

Live for today. Enjoy today.

Take care.
[/b]

Hmm... I'm becoming as curious as this orange is...

So how old are you Orange? Smile

alexkusu SG

Laughing

be careful what u wished for Mr. Green