My story begins when i was in secondary 3. On the very 1st day
of school, the moment i step into class. I was attracted by her
¡°Simin¡±. I didn¡¯t know why. Maybe just a crush or maybe I really
have fall in love with her. I never tell this to anyone. As i think
it¡¯s not really important. So for that entire year, no one knew
that i like her. And that time i was a very timid boy. I wouldn¡¯t
dare to talk to the person i like. So, for the whole year, we talk
less than 10 sentences. I didn¡¯t care much about it also.
Then, the 2nd year. We are in secondary 4 and still in the same
class. In this particular year, i found that i have fallen for her.
But i still dare not tell anybody. Although a lot a lot rumours is
spreading round saying that i like her. Because i feel that i¡¯m
not good enough for her. So, i just continue to ¡°°µÁµ¡±. I tried
all means to get close to her, let her feel my existence. But, the
feeling she gave me is, ¡°i¡¯m nothing¡± like that. Of course i
will be sad. But i just think that maybe because i still dare not
talk to her, that¡¯s why she never talk to me at all. But soon, I
found out that the guy she love most is tommy, in the very first
place, i was not at all sad as we really never talk a lot and i all
the way feel that maybe is just 1 sided-love or maybe just a
crush.
So, in a very very very short time. I can say to be never go think
about her le. Even if i still love her. I stand no chances also. As
i always heard from them or herself saying ¡°tommy tommy tommy¡±.
Although i will feel uncomfortable. But what can i do? This kind of
thing cant be forced. So, as time goes by. I slowly slowly slowly
forget about her, i try not to think about last time i have once
fallen in love with her. After that, I will still be hearing things
about them. And i also know how close they two are in class or
outside school.
End of secondary 4. She did not make it to secondary 5. It was
quite sad. But i did not really feel anything as i think the
feeling towards her have really depleted almost completely. Life
still continues. In secondary 5, although i have fallen for another
girl ¡®Liang Jue¡¯. And it was really spreaded. A lot people know
about it. But in the end, we were not together. Soon, secondary 5
was over le. During the holiday period when the result was not out
yet, i was always out together with shinyun, lifang and of course
simin. We went out very frequently. And this time i did talk quite
a lot with her. And very soon, i found that the person i still love
most is her. I dare not tell anyone yet. I want to get to know her
more, and see if she is the right type of girl that i will really
love a lot.
For the next few months, we have been spending time meeting and
going out together. I really had a great time whenever she is
there. Then one particular day in march, at toa payoh snooker zone.
We were playing pool. And from the way and what she talks to me. I
feel that she is trying to hint me. As in willing to accept me as
her boyfriend. Of course i did tell her that i love her. And we are
together. I was so happy. That night i was too happy till i can¡¯t
get to sleep. I didn¡¯t expect to be with her. I always thought
that it will always be ¡°°µÁµ¡±. But, i didn¡¯t expect us to end
after 2 days. Early morning when i woke up and about to go bath
then to work, i saw her sms. Saying that staying as friends might
be better. This sms really spoil my mood for the entire day at
work. Although she ask me not to hate her, and i did reply her that
i won¡¯t be angry as it was not completely her fault too. I have to
stand at her place and understand. Although i say i was not angry
at all. But it was all lies. I was completely depressed and sad.
For the whole day, i can¡¯t even concentrate on my work. Tears just
rolled down my cheek. After a few days, i tried very hard to try
not to think of it.
From that time onwards, whenever she is out, i will try not to
attend. But this didn¡¯t last long. I feel that although i was
really very heart broken. But we still can remain as friends. And i
did it. We are still friends. And we are back to our normal days.
Going out in groups of friends. But, who knows. I did not manage to
forget my love for her. I find that i still love her a lot. And
with some of my friend¡¯s help, on my 18th birthday. She accepted
me once again. But this time, we both are prepared. And i feel that
we will be quite stable this time. I was really really very very
happy on that day. And all my friends are also happy for me.
Especially my mum.
Then, we had a lot happy times together. At 1st we are only going
out. Just like stranger like that. People see us also wont know
that we are couple. As i don¡¯t even dare hold her hand. 1 night,
on the way when i was seeing her home, I tried holding her hand,
and i even use a very lame but special way which nobody has used it
before to hold her hand. I hold her hand and i say
¡°ÕâÑùËãÊdzÔÄãµÄ¶¹¸¯Â𣿡± That night, i was really so happy. First
time holding the hand of the girl i love deeply.
After that, we are getting closer and closer. We meet out
frequently. One day, we went shopping at Suntec City. Then, sitting
by the esplanade and chit chatting. Enjoying the breeze and the
romantic view there. That is the time when we kisses each other on
the cheek. I never expect myself to be so fortunate. I was really
really very happy to be in love and be loved by her. I feel so
blessed.
And, very soon, 1 day when she came up to my house. We were
watching movie using my laptop. And we had our first kiss on the
lips. We were both so shy. Her cheeks were so pinkish, so
cute.
After those happy days together, we were very very close to each
other. Seeing each other almost everyday. Many people were so
¡°ÏÛĽ¡± when they see us so loving. I was really very happy to see
myself happily together with her. And i always think that we will
stay together like this forever.
But, ever since the 3rd month anniversary, i have a feeling that
her love for me is depleting. And i will always feel that she is
always lying and keeping things from me. And we will have argument
quite frequently. Although each argument wont last more than 1 day
and we will be okay and fine. I used to tell her not to be so
sensitive. But now, i don¡¯t know if i¡¯m sensitive or my 6th sense
is correct. I really don¡¯t wish to continue my life like this. I
really hate it. I don¡¯t know why i suddenly will become like that.
My life everyday sucks. I¡¯m always thinking about her. And i even
think of doing checks on her by keep calling her and asking where
she is all that. But i know it¡¯s not right to do this. And i even
imagine if 1 day i really found out that she lied to me. What will
be my reaction be? And what am i going to do about it? I really
don¡¯t wish to think about this. It¡¯s really hurts my heart
whenever i think of it.
Whenever i am working, i will tend to think of her and the happy
days we spent together. When i saw couples coming or walking past
the shops. I will tend to look at them. And i will feel very sad.
My mind will tell me ¡°how come other couples can be together
happily without worries? while i am always encountering with a lot
of problems.¡± But in the end, i will end up telling myself ¡°I
will be happy together with simin too.¡±
I know i should not have this type of thinking. Thinking that she
will lie to me or whatever. But i just can¡¯t help thinking of it.
As i really really love her a lot. I can¡¯t imagine if 1 day if she
were to leave me. What am i going to do ? What will i become
like?
For the past weeks, i never sleep really well. Everyday during work
i will feel headache. I feel that i¡¯m really not a good boyfriend.
Suspecting my own girlfriend. I really feel very bad. I want to say
sorry to her. And now i really hope that i could get over it soon.
I don¡¯t wish to spoil my relationship with her. All i wanna tell
her is ¡°I really love her a lot a lot. I can¡¯t do without you. I
really hope that u can be frank with me in everything. And of
course i will also be frank with you in everything. I promise! I
will love you forever. Nothing can change my love for you.¡± And i
hope the girl staying by my side for my entire lifetime is ¡®YOU¡¯.
I really hope we will get over all this problems and remain as
loving forever. I promise i will do anything for your sake. I
won¡¯t do anything to break yr heart. And i promise i will love
you, ONLY YOU.
