Am I a dumping ground?

last SG · 2006-01-05T12:21:07+00:00

If I were you, I will just tell your friend's bf straight to the face: "you are so fcuk-up."

babyreyes SG

Neutral Yea...im just wondering......

A brief history: Clara & Me are gd frens. Clara dates Roy who is a soccer addict. Roy is also gambles on soccer bets. Ok..Clara doesnt like his gambling habits. Well..Roy hasnt changed a mere bit even though he promised to change. Then it lead to numerous conflicts btwn them. But this gambling thingy isnt really the main issue that i wanna talk about.

Roy spends most of his time on soccer. Seldom goes out with Clara. Even if they do go on dates, he made sure he is updated on his soccet bets and everything. Back then, Clara would hang out with my ex n I. Sometimes it would be me Clara and a couple more frens. While he betted and watched soccer, we hung out with Clara. Roy joins us after his soccer matches. It happened quite often.

Its like when he isnt free, he suggested Clara to hang out with us. And even when we 4 were out otgether, he would suggest he go back home 1st and meet us later just becoz he wanna monitor his soccer bets. He knows Clara isnt happy with it. But still he does it.He said that She has us to accompany here.

Well it sorta hurt to see her suffer like tat. But she loved him too much. Advises went to deaf ears.

After my ex and I split for 5 months, more conflicts came in between them. I hang out with her a couple of times. Each time he would drop by for a meal with us then scoot off back to his home to concentrate on his soccer.

Then it leaves me n an upset looking Clara all the time.

I personally felt that im a dumping ground here. Its like when he isnt free, Clara asks me out. Else when we are out, he show his face for an hr or so then disappear to hug his tv. He sorta just dump Clara to us. Its like since theres her frens ard, its ok to leave her there.

Then when they had a conflict, ive to sit n listen to their agonies. I really feel damn disappointed..really feel like a dumping ground....

sigh..................................

beavan SG

tell her to leave her guy, how can money be more important than ur gf.......?

not a dumping ground,just being a good friend

zanza SG

thats sad.

I tink u should advise your friend to chose 1 or the other Evil or Very Mad . His habits smells of Gambling addiction btw.

You don't need to be their "dumping ground" . Maybe you should make your feelings known to them becos i tink your just trying to be a good friend and help out but sometimes, its better to tell early to spare future sufferings

KopiKia SG

start charging hourly rates or get some commission from his winnings (that is if he wins) for being his dumping ground. Idea

laosu SG

Hahaha...then why don't you and Clara get together instead?
Sound mean but that seemed to be the way.
He can't blame you guys for betraying him cause he's the one who keep pushing the gf to you. I despise this kind of guys. Free then look for the gf, when not free then push the gf to other guys.

charlize SG

Dude, the only time a man will change is when it involves his clothes and underwear.

And even then, it's not as often as some women would like. Laughing

chanff8 SG

Don't think of yourself as a dumping ground. Your friend needs a listening ear and from what I see, she is in a worse state than you. Just give her the support she needs and I suggest you to maybe have a private chat with Roy regarding his bad habits Wink

Devil1976 SG

Is she your friend Question

Such gambling habits can really cause more serious problems in the relationship for the future... What is your friend doing about it

Puremilk28 SG

take it easy dude

Saint` SG

the person who is at wrong is the bf .. nt ur fren .. ur fren probably thinks u r her bestie n so she has no one else but u to look for when she is lonely .. nt a dumping ground as u hav mentioned ..

Kenashi SG

Question
yr friend still haven't blow her top over this???
sure got nice temper or maybe she is blind Laughing

weijian SG

don't look at urself as a dumping ground, but look up to yourself that others confide their problems in you, as they trust you more then anyone in their social cycle, you should be proud of it.

if your getting sick of the pushing around of his stead to you due to his gambling habits...then do something about it, like find a time and chat with your fren over his gambling habits...and the feeling of his stead to make him understand her better...

babyreyes SG

Thanks for all ur replies. Appreciated it.

Ytrday history repeated itself again. Again he "dumped" her to me. = / Woah..just to stay home for some games.. = /

Kinda disappointing though.

Being their fren, i sat and listened to their woes.

Ive tried hinting her to break up with him. Gave her tons of advices. Yet she choose to be with him. Ive decided to say no more already.

Ive tried encouraging roy to give up his gambling habits. But its quite obvious he didnt really wanna change. And since he really didnt wanna change, no point for me to add more words to him.

Somehow our frenship..me her n him has already been shakened. They both didnt wanna break up yet one doesnt wanna give up gambling and one couldnt accept gambling. Im quite pissed n tired of hearing their story le

I suggested them to break up since both wanna be stubborn. In the end, they sorta disliked me in some ways coz im like not encouraging them to be together anymore.

After telling them how i felt over the whole story of he n his gambling, we had a cold war. After tat they still come back to me with the same old story.

I really dont know how to tell them about this dumping ground thingy. how do i put things to her? hai

babyreyes SG

weijian..ive talked ot him numerous times already.... Face to face...on the phone...even smses...... I even sat down with him over a cup of kopi..since he asked me for help.....I met up with him with a heart on trying to help him.

then he will say he will change he will change...

then tell me he regret making her cry all these...

then guess wat....

Not long after........clara found out about his gambling bets again..then she told me all her woes..

tats when i realised what he said were lies.

Perhaps too many lies have already made me feel tat talking to him is a waste of time n saliva.

i really dont know how to put things to his girl already......Haix.

Devil1976 SG

She's your friend. If you feel like going out with her, go out with her. If you don't feel like it, don't. Nobody ask you to be a 'dumping ground', least to speak you see it that way?

It's her relationship and her choice. Next time she tells you her woes, tell you "I told you already. He's YOUR CHOICE and DECISION."

weijian SG

since the both of them are so persistant in carrying on with the relationship...and after some much help from your side...

i believe it's time that 'you wash your hands off the both of them for good...'
just occassionally help the gal out let lending her your ears and share her bunden, just listen, no comments needed...since they prefer to let good advice fall on deaf ears....so be it..let the gal experience the pain herself...

this is the last way le...

Parka SG

Inspired by this post to draw the following.

AlexJS SG

On one hand I think Clara is being rather stupid, but then again you could say she is the type who can really stick through thick and thin. Pros and cons.

Thus, the best way for you to go, is to hear her rants when you are feeling up to it, and decline when you are not. You don't owe either party any service. And I think you've already been really nice for a long time.

You are not a dumping ground, but you are a concerned friend. Nothing else. Don't stress yourself up over this Smile

drx SG

sorry to hear about your problem.

my advice for you do not borther to give both of them any advice.
Since no one wants to listern why care?

Guy will not give up the gambling habbit. Girl will not break up with him since she love him so much. So to them you are someone who they can vent their fustrations at. Poor guy why let them use you like that? Since when they ever treat you like a proper friend anyway?

Is up to you to keep advicing them. But if I were you I will not be borther with them anyway. Just go out to make new friends who are more worth my time.

heavenlyfire SG

more things to add on...just like devil say, its your friend....and its your choice whether to keep her company or not, just wan to share something.

i have a friend who is in a similiar case, i have told and advise him alreadly, until everytime i feel i am repeating the same words..
everytimes he call me just to complain, until i cant stand it anymore...

now i don feel like seeing my friend anymore, it is not about accompany and spending time with him but it is more frustrating to see him not heeding your advise and seeing him suffer....

i rather not see then.