Player,
I used to have the same problem.
I can think of two possible reasons why you find it difficult to
initiate conversations.
Lack of knowledge or interest in the subject
They talk about sports, fashion, investments or other hobbies and
you have no clue what they are talking about.
Find some activities or topics that interest you. Widen your
knowledge by reading up more on the topics so that you have a
deeper understanding in them. When the opportunity arises, use your
knowledge.
Or if you are already doing the above, then you might be mixing
with the wrong audience. Simply find people who have the same
interest as you.
Fear
Imagine you are giving a presentation to an audience and you come
across a word that you dont know how to pronounce
Are you likely
to:
1) Avoid eye contact with your audience and whisper the word softly
hoping that no one will hear you
OR
2) Say it loudly, you know its wrong but you say it loudly anyway.
Let them laugh about it because it doesnt bother you.
If the answer is (1), then your problem stems from your self-esteem
and your confidence.
If you are shy, chances are that you are afraid of saying the wrong
things because you fear how others will judge you. Their opinions
about you bother you so much that you rather keep quiet than say
the wrong things that might provoke a negative reaction.
To improve your confidence, go out there and practice.
The easiest place to start is to talk to those shop assistants in
shopping malls. Ask them to give their opinions when you want to
buy something.
Find all these people who are obligated to talk to you and practice
on them.
General
tips
1) Openended and closed-ended questions
During a conversation with someone..
You : Do you like scuba
diving?
(this is a closed-ended question he can only say yes or
no)
Him : Yes
You : When was the last time you went diving and who did you went
with?
OR
You : What is it that you like about diving?
(these are open-ended questions he will need to respond
with his thoughts and opinions)
Use a mixture of open-ended and closed-ended questions and gauge
which type of question is the other party is more comfortable
with.
2) Relate to your audience.
You see a female stranger in a store who seems to have problems
choosing between 2 dresses. You walk up to her and smile
You : The black one seems to go
well with your necklace and shoes
Relate to her situation without complimenting how she looks. Give
her positive advice that is real and sincere.
The wrong way to approach
You : I think you look beautiful
in that black dress
(compliment her when you dont know even know her. Her
shield will be up immediately)
Hope it helps.
