Situation #1
Some men are too immature to be honest and straight-forward with a
woman
Sometimes men are just being dumb and giving themselves ego strokes
by flirting with you, even though they never really thought they'd
call.
But they get your number anyway to feel good and to have it "just
in case" they got some random urge or reason to call you in the
future.
Plus, getting a woman's number is a kind of "trophy" to show to
other immature men.
Situation #2
They were just looking for a hook-up and you weren't "fling"
material (which is a good thing, unless that's all you're looking
for).
Often times men think they just want a woman to be "physical"
with.
If you're out at a club or a bar and you meet a man, often times
he'll have "hooking up" on his mind.
If you meet a guy like this and, in his eyes, you're the girl he'd
bring home to mom, then you might not be the girl he'll want to
spend his time with... at least for the near future.
But in spite of this, he takes your number, in case he gets the
crazy foreign idea in his head that he'd actually want a great girl
for a real relationship.
And guess what?
He doesn't come to that realization for a very long time - so he
doesn't call.
I'm not saying it makes sense, but that's how some men
operate.
And in a strange way, men who do this are doing you a favor at that
time in their life.
The timing wasn't right.
Situation #3
They thought they were being "polite" by getting your number, even
though they never felt like calling
Have you ever given your number to a man who asked for it,
meanwhile you were already dreading his call and wishing inside
that you had given him
a fake number?
Exactly...
And I know it sucks to think about this, but have you ever thought
that the tables could be turned?
See... if men enjoy their conversations with you but aren't that
interested, they sometimes feel a polite "obligation" to get your
number.
It's a kind of way to end the interaction on a positive note...
even though they never really thought about if they intended to
call you.
I know it sucks, but men aren't often up front and assertive either
when it comes to the opposite sex.
Situation #4
They were interested in you at first, but after a little while they
started to feel like something was "off"... maybe even after they
got your number.
And while you were trying so hard to create random reasons for you
to see each other again and to not have a guy get your number and
not call again, they could sense your subtle fear and
discomfort.
And so the attraction and connection they had just started feeling
with you changed and was "broken."
Situation #5
They lost your number or forgot to call.
Ok, now let me ask you...
Did you figure out what each of these situations has in
common?
I'll give you a hint:
It has something to do with your feelings.
Give up?
There are 2 things actually.
First off, none of them have ANYTHING to do with you being a
"loser", like you mentioned. See, the fascinating thing is that in
each of these situations, it's YOUR CHOICE to make the MEANING out
of them that you want.
Unfortunately, it seems like the meaning you've chosen to make has
been NEGATIVE.
In other words, you've actually started to criticize yourself and
think even more negatively because two guys didn't pick up the
phone and punch in your number.
Talk about a way to make sure you keep screwing up and feeling bad
about your love life.
And worse, men can actually sense these things when you meet them
and will instantly categorize you as a woman that they don't want
to be around
if you've got that freaked out, negative, over- attachment to the
casual conversation you're having with them.
Here's the second thing each of these situations has in
common...
Of the ones that don't involve men just being weird or
"unavailable" for more than a casual fling, there's a common theme
going on.
They weren't FEELING ATTRACTION.
See, there's something I don't think you see you're doing
here...
You seem to know about an important concept when it comes to men -
teasing and throwing in certain kinds of "challenges" to attract
their
interest and attention.
But... there's a huge difference between KNOWING what these things
are and actually DOING them.
The thing is, almost all women KNOW that they SHOULD tease and
excite a man to dial up his interest.
But when it comes to actually doing these things in a fun,
consistent, and exciting way, they fall short.
Why?
Because who wants to bother?
And isn't it better for someone to just like you for you?
Maybe.
But what if there's a real and genuine "you" that men just need
some help to see with so much other stuff going on?
And what if you're hiding that away because of your frustrations
from the past or fears about what might happen in the
present?
Here's a radical thought...
With things not going exactly how you want them to go with your
love life - imagine if you actually changed a few of YOUR everyday
patterns
of behavior with men to try and get a few different results.
What are the odds that part of the common denominator here is YOU,
and not that all men have the exact same problem or issue with
calling back?
Would it be too much to ask that you at least try a few different
things that were outside of your "natural" comfort zone of what
you've always
done or what makes sense to you?
I don't think so... and you sound more than open to it and have a
positive attitude.
So let's talk about what those patterns are that you need to break,
and what to try instead that WORKS with men.
CREATING "REASONS" FOR A MAN TO CALL YOU BACK
Your email lets me know that you already "get" some of what to do,
like teasing and challenging,but that you don't quite know yet how
to put it to work in your dating life.
Let's change that.
Here's how...
You need to start creating exciting reasons for a man to want to
see you again.
I'll repeat that so you hear it again and take the time to let it
sink in...
You need to start creating EXCITING REASONS for a man to WANT to
see you again.
I'll give you a minute to think about what that means...
Ok, come back.
There's something lots of single women do when they meet guys and
want to see them again.
And it makes it so that the man isn't very interested or excited to
reconnect with the woman afterwards.
It's when a woman tries to come up with any old reason under the
sun to "reconnect" with a man, not realizing how important the
"reason" actually
is.
It usually goes something like this...
Woman meets man.
Man and woman start to connect.
They talk about "interesting" stuff and the woman becomes
interested in the man.
The man enjoys the conversation and talking tothe woman, who's a
great person and seems attractive.
The woman feels a connection and assumes that he must feel it too
since it's there.
The man asks for her number and she kind of "lets down her guard"
and becomes very friendly with him and feels comfortable.
The woman then starts talking about the things that they can do
together when they see each other next, based on the conversational
topics they had.
The man's attraction, intrigue and interest in the woman suddenly
drops off.
End of story.
So what happened here?
In short, the woman stopped doing the things she was "naturally"
and subconsciously doing at first that made the man feel attracted
to her and
instead, started treating him like a sort of "best friend."
A friend of mine has a name for this...
The "super-sized friend approach."
This approach is usually followed up by offers to do favors, run
errands, or give gifts.
Translation - ZERO ATTRACTION.
And it's further destroyed by trying any excuse, no matter how
mundane, to make future plans together.
See what's happening here?
And yeah, there's always exceptions to the rules.
Women who are so naturally attractive to men, physically and
"socially", can and do take the more casual and friendly
approach... and it works
great for them.
But we're not talking about those situations.
We're talking about the situations where things unfortunately don't
fall into place so effortlessly.
Ok, so back to creating "reasons" that actually get men to call
back.
Let's start by talking about why the "reason" is so important...
and then we'll get into a specific example.
The "reason" you create for a man to reconnect with you is
important because it builds the entire CONTEXT and MEANING in a
man's mind of how he
thinks about you after he leaves...
That reason you give is a large part of what determines, in his
mind, HIS reason for calling (or not calling).
So here's how to create great "reasons" with a man...
First off, stop making future plans with men for first dates around
things that are BORING, everyday, and PREDICTABLE.
Yes, trips to Europe can be fascinating, cool, sophisticated,
cultural and all kinds of great things.
And yeah, talking about Europe, travel, sites, art history, etc.
can interest a man intellectually.
And I have to admit that traveling to Europe has involved some of
the most romantic moments of my life.
These are great things to talk about with a man in random
conversations.
But guess what?
Planning a man's trip with a man is NOT going to make him FEEL
those romantic feelings with you just because you've become his
travel guide.
Planning travel can be looked at as a kind of chore for some
people... especially men.
In other words, you could hope that the romance of Venice or
Florence rubs off on you somehow through some magic "transference"
as you talk about them...
Or...
You could start doing the things that will make him FEEL ATTRACTED
and romantically interested in YOU.
With me here?
Good.
You've got to remember...
Attraction isn't created by "logic."
A man doesn't talk to a woman about Europe and become fascinated
and sexually charged by her knowledge of the Duomo, the Sistine
Chapel or the
fine wines of France's Bordeaux region.
**NEWSFLASH**
Attraction doesn't take place when a man thinks inside his mind,
"Gee, she's smart, cultured, well traveled, etc., I think I'm going
to feel
attracted to her."
That's not how it works at all... just like that's not how you
become interested and attracted in men.
It's MUCH more subconscious.
Think chemistry.
Can a man "reason" with you so that you feel ATTRACTION or
CHEMISTRY with him?
Didn't think so.
But he can DO things that will make you FEEL ATTRACTION, even if
you're not really "choosing" to be attracted to him.
Well, the same is true for a man who's just meeting you...
And sure, the things that are "logically attractive" like travel in
Europe don't hurt...but they're really just window-dressing for the
things that are going on underneath the surface in our minds and
emotions.
What makes a man feel attracted is the EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE he has
that a woman creates with him or guides him to.
Attraction is a largely SUBCONSCIOUS FEELING that comes in response
to the unexpected, the unpredictable, and the things that can't
help but
draw us in to connect in an emotional way.
So let's land the plane here...
If you want a man to call back, give him a "reason" that's
interesting, unpredictable, fun, etc.
But most importantly, it's got to be a reason that will make him
FEEL ATTRACTION for you. If you do something less predictable, like
tell
him, "Hey, since you're going to Europe, if you'regood I'll tell
you a few secrets about what makes the French such great lovers...
or great cooks...
whichever you're more curious about..."
Now that's sure to get a man's attention... and keep it so that
he'll call you back.
Notice that this still says everything you want to say to a man
about wanting to connect with him again.
But it does it in a fun, interesting, teasing,challenging and
unpredictable way that keeps himthinking about you and
guessing.
And it does it WITHOUT making him feel that you're desperate to
make sure that he's going to call you - or that you're just trying
the "super-
sized friend approach."
There's one other thing that's important that you asked
too...
"Should I just not accept that he tells me he's going to
call?"
Great question.
Here's the thing...
It's important for you to have "boundaries" with men.
It's important for your own good, to help him know what's fair game
and what isn't and to lay some constructive framework for a future
relationship.
A key step in every growing relationship is to communicate what
your personal boundaries are so that the other person can learn to
respect them.
But, in situations where you don't even know the person very well,
it's not as simple as just laying it out there.
So... it's also important that you don't communicate these
boundaries in a pushy, weird, needy, overly-sensitive way where men
will instantly pull away from you.
I know, I know... for lots of women this sounds like a
contradiction.
When they hear it they'll think...
"You mean I'm supposed to be "unpredictable"and create attraction,
but I'm also supposed to be assertive enough to communicate my
boundaries."
"This is too much hassle... I just want to be me, and if a guy
doesn't like it, then tough!"
It's no surprise that a lot of the women with this attitude (and
men) are single and home alone on Friday nights watching David
Letterman.
And wonder why their relationships just seem to fall apart after a
while... over and over.
The truth is, communicating boundaries and creating attraction with
a man are NOT mutually exclusive activities.
AND... if you know how, these kinds of situations can become
AMAZING OPPORTUNITIES to create attraction and GROWTH between you
and a man.
If you know how to communicate with a man in the right way, you can
get the response that you want (attraction) AND communicate a clear
message.
Which in your case might be for him to respect your boundaries by
calling if he says he's going to call.
But if you don't get the subtle specifics of how to communicate
with a man this way, then often times you'll come off as pushy or
"bitchy" like
lots of other women do when they try to assert boundaries early on
with men.
Try saying something like this in a semi- serious way but with a
smirk on your face... "You know, I might just decide to give you my
number, but I'm not sure if you're the right kind of guy yet -
because I'm VERY PICKY and I only
give my number out to guys that A) have their act together and B)
are smart enough to know what they're missing if they don't
call."
And then write down your number and hold it out
for him to grab.
But when he reaches for it, pull it away from his hand a little bit
so he misses it...
Then keep teasing him and ask him again with a wry smile on your
face...
"Well, do you have your act together? Because I really don't have
time for boys that don't call..."
This kind of thing will drive a man CRAZY and triggers a deep level
attraction response - that's not just a "physical" thing.
