Dear everyone,
My best friend, C has a problem which I am at lost to advice
her.
I hope you guys can shower me with your opinions and advices.
I've known C for 7 years and all along, C has been a prim and
proper girl.
C is at a marriagable age and has a serious boyfriend, D for about
3 years now. D is her first boyfriend and she treasures him alot.
They got along well at first but their relationship starts to
strain when D's family comes into the picture.
There were times when C stayed overnight at D's place after helping
in his business. (C has her own full-time job as well) After
sometime, D's eldest sister (in her 30s and has given birth) found
out and confronted the parents.
She started to question the parents on why she and her husband
can't stay in the house whereas C can stay? (She is living at her
husband's place now)
The younger sister (whois not married yet and still staying in the
house) was also not happy and started to hurl abusive and dirty
words (cheap maid, bitch, slut, etc...) on C whenever she stayed
overnight at the house. The sister started to accuse C of coveting
the money or family inheritance, so to say. Because of this, D had
a fight with his sister. C wanted to leave but D insisted her to
stay.
D's parents dont stay in the house (in other words, they stayed
elsewhere and only D and his sister stay in the current house
Above is the summarised story.
We know that every marriage will involve both families and because
of D's family conflicts, C tells me she sees the future as bleak.
She is starting to contemplate whether if she should marry D. I
suggested to her not to stay with D's parents after marriage BUT
she can't hide from D's family forever as there will be at least
one dinner every week. In addition, D will make it a point to go to
his parent's place on a frequent basis and fix anything (from
computers to electrical bulbs) that is spoilt. What i remembered is
D told C that she contributed to the house much more than his
sisters and so, he feels she deserved to stay. The obvious reason
why the sisters can stay in the house without contribution is
because they are the daughters, right?
She finds D's family dinners are dragging her life and both the
sisters are too artificial infront of the parents. So in my
opinion, the siblings are fighting for the parent's inheritance so
perhaps, the sisters see C as their competitor (as well as their
brother, D) It sounds stressful to me.
Putting the family issue aside. Before this incident happened,
whenever C was helping D, D would often criticise/scold her and
sometimes, infront of his siblings. She was unhappy about it and
they would quarrel. She told me she understand how stressed up D is
to cope in such a family and that, she couldnt perform up to his
standards. Many times this year, she mentioned breakup to D but D
refused to let her go.
Well, I have been wondering. Why is my friend, C still sticking
with D? Knowing her for 7 years, I know its not because she is
after the money. (No doubt many married couples separated due to
financial issues.) They got together in overseas for about 2 years
and during those times, he was okay and easier to get along with.
They were happy together. But ever since they came back to
Singapore, things just changed. She feels bitter towards his family
and resentful towards D (because she claimed he kept criticising
her). But I think she sticks to him is because she is holding on to
the 2 years of good memories, thats why she overlooked the present
situation and stayed with D.
Perhaps, D wasn't that bad afterall. He is filial, responsible,
hardworking. Those type who makes a good family man but a lousy
lover. (Sorry)
D wants to marry C but C is hesitant.
Yesterday, she asked whether should she marry or breakup?
How should I advice? Thanks.
Cheers!
"Spare the rod, spoil the child."
