guy problems

borntolive SG

online friends r not trustworthy….

shade343 SG

Wow...Play Maple can get into a relationship? I think I play more maple... Laughing

shade343 SG

Btw, Im level 47, can I be your "kor"? Laughing

Chin Eng SG

Unker Eng is here! Laughing so all you kids keep quite.... shhh! (just kidding)

Hey serenewwjd... You'd noticed that most of the nice folks who responded will tell you the same thing - focus on your studies. This is probably the most genuine and possibly the simpliest advice anyone can give.

Having said all that, young people with raging (and changing) hormones do get involved in all these lurvy-durvy stuff - nothing unusual, part of growing up. The problem comes about with the MANAGING of your emotions.

When we are in love (or infatuation or whatever word you want to use), our judgement is impaired. We either become super sensitive or super agitated - meaning, what we see and think may not be accurate.

In our relationship (platonic or otherwise) we need to place ourselves in the other fellas shoes. Some of the other boys that you like, may like you too, but may not place you as part of the priorities at this point of their life, ie, some like you, but may feel that the studies are more important, others may like to fish a little bit more. Your account of all the boys are a little long, but I guess I get the picture.

The point is, emotions in teenage years (may extend to young adults) is experimental at best - we experience all kinds of new emotions and sometimes it is difficult with all these changes. In order not to get confused - set your priorities right. As yourself what you want to do in RGS? Do well, or muck around? If your answer is (and I think my guess is correct) to do well acadamic, you need to understand that having bgr problems is the last thing you ever need at this point in time. You might also need to ask yourself some questions: why the need to have a bf? is it to satisfy the need to feel loved? or to be part of the in-crowd (ie your class mates who also have bfs).

Trust no one - even if some of these boys are your church friends. This is one of the biggest misconceptions - that church people are all saints. Every individual in church have their own level of spiritual maturity (some masquerade it very well). Others do not have control of their own emotions. Just because one individual may be a pastor's son, or a leader's son, does not make them spiritual individuals.

Online friends? I'd be very very cautious on this one. There are scums that prey on pretty young things like yourself. Chat if you have to - do not reveal your name, address, identity or even agree to meet them anywhere, no matter how attractive they say they are. Consult your church leaders on this one, please!

May I recommend you a book: 7 Habits for Effective Teenagers by Sean Covey. My recently-turned-teenage son read it when he was 9 and it helped him tremendously and he is so focused that it scares me.

I hope what I've given your are some good fatherly advice and are helpful in your decision making process.

Devil1976 SG

Originally posted by serenewwjd:
hi. i read thru some of the posts on this site, and found it pretty "useful". ie, people really try to help, unlike other forums. i should start with a self intro :

i am a Christian girl from singapore, 14 years of age, currently studying in Raffles Girls' Sec Sch [lets call this "premier school"]. okay i maintain my viewpoint that i am NOT showing off: you'll see the connection between schools later..

14yearsold, very young. yepp, so i would like to find out a few answers here..

1st thing. You are young? Only 14... Mr. Green I don't wanna belittle you because of that.. In fact! This is almost the age where you starts to get curious about human relationships... Not only BGRs but also many others.. However, note that your studies should be picking up and in about 2 years' time or so, you'll be coping with your 'O' levels..? So if you find that you can't really handle so many 'relationships' at the same time, it's wiser not to go too deep in thinking into them...? Wink

basically, i have guy problems. -.-

(lets name the guys with the first letter of their name.)

Guy A1 is in my tennis class. i see him every sunday for lessons. he's also 14 and studying in Saint Patricks' (which is just around Marine Parade; neighbourhood school). i can tell he likes me cos'
1. the coaches never gave him a break about it; kept teasing him especially when i was around. my friend from the class before me, overheard one of the coaches and his conversation and it went something like "you like serene arh ?" and Guy A1 has no reply. He's a Christian too by the way, i believe he doesn't lie.
2. he always always goes out of his way to make small talk. if we get paired, while waiting for both our turns, after the doubles' game when we were supposed to pick up the tennis balls, after the lesson, during water breaks...you name it.
3. major giveaway : when the coaches tease him about liking me, he just refuses to look me in the eye or even in my direction. i just act stupid and pretend not to hear, or "huh?".

he is quite a nice guy overall, "good feeling" about him, but no crush or infatuation. yet. but im still awkward being around him and well, don't know how to act when im with him.

I think he feels as awkward as you feel about him..? If you're really interested in knowing him more, why not 'extend' your meet up session with him to outside of the tennis court...? Wink

Guy R is from my church. i (used to) crush him. he's 16 and homeschooling. we have an "sms relationship" which dates back to jul04 (last year). november he was going to cambodia for mission trip, and well..i guess i was a little afraid he'd get blown up or something -.- so i told him i liked him and he replied with "actually..i like you alot too ((:" but i said no when he took another step (ie stead), and gave him all the waffles about having to spend more time on my studies. i wasn't ready for that commitment yet. and so after that, smses consisted of the "norm" and also the occasional "i miss you"s.
in feb05, the sms relationship started to "die". smses got less frequent, and more one liner answers. since then, its a hot-cold relationship. hots are around 2 days, colds can last up to 2 months. now he still calls me sometimes just to chat. approx time : 45mins on one conv on the phone. when i see him on sunday, he comes over to talk to me only when both our gangs are not around. he plays guitar for the youth worship you see, so sometimes when he's onstage doing last-min rehearsing he stares at me. yea i ignore him (tsk he sposed to be concentrating !).
[b]problem : in his smses, he comments on how rarely i sms him nowadays, and somehow never fails to drop a "she" referring to another friend of his. i know hes trying to make me "jealous". one of my used-to-be close friend told me he changes crushes "like changing clothes liddat". and he has crushed this close friend before. because of a church project, this girl and me had contrasting views and we fell out. about a week after, he smsed me to tell me about the church project and HIS views and said i shouldnt be so harsh on that close friend. i got very very pissed with him. cos' i apologised to her on the phone 5 days before he smsed me about the harshness thing (ie 2 days after the fallout). and conveniently added in "i was just having a nice little chat with [name of close fren] and i think you shouldnt be so harsh on her...." he still looks at me in church tho. it's bad. he still calls me, but i never initiate convs with him thru sms or reallife anymore. i dont know what i should do with him. i dont even know whether i like him anymore.[/b]

I personally feel somehow there could be some 'misunderstanding' between you and this guy...?

Guy A2 is from my church as well. 14 this year in a neighbourhood school. he has crushed me since jun04 and still does until now. he's good friends with Guy R and he knows i like Guy R and vice versa. but he still continues to "pester" me. including trailing after me thruout J8 for one whole hour, "stalking" me when im in church, sticking to me whenever i'm on gaming MapleStory. basically he's the irritating guy. i have already told him countless times i don't like him cos' he's not my type at all. i go for the good guys. he has done smoking and inhalents before to "try", didnt get hooked. constantly gets into fistfights.. that type. if he were good looking, he would be labelled as a flirt: crushes around 3-5 girls at once. any ideas how i can further convey that i do not like him at all ? i have told him more than three times and ignore him when gaming and on msn.

STRAIGHT in his FACE.. That he IRRITATES you..? Or if you're afraid that might provoke him and make him do nasty things to you (he knows about your interest in Guy R?), perhaps better to just quietly distance away from him...?

Guy C is also from my church. 17 this year in Poly. i was helping him get over his previous relationship problems and he suddenly turns around and says he likes me. i gave him more of the waffles about studies and being too busy. he accepted it but still stares at me in church and comes to talk to me frequently. or "try to". after a cold period, i thought he didnt like me anymore, so we went back to our "kor-mei" (brother-sister) relationship. good friends still. then he comes and asks me to stead him AGAIN. more waffles about studies and pointedly gave him cold shoulder till now. refusing to talk to him at all. i have no idea what to do with him either.

I think you're clear about what you wanna do with him? Just need to get some messages across... However, personally would advise you not to be too bother over this guy...

Guy S is an "online friend". 18yrs old. we have gotten to know each other quite well. and in a sense he is my "senior" cos' he's from raffles junior college [premier school]. i can't say i have "feelings" for him cos' after all, he IS an online friend. he has recently started minor hinting to me about being his gf. we were talking about further studies and he was worrying over the fact that he didnt have a gf. so i said "when you go US your uni will be full of smart people like you. sure have gf then." he was like "no la..im so dumb. nobody will want me de. lol when i come back to singapore with no gf you be mine can?" and there wasnt any "jk =X" or any of that sort following it. he is still a very good confidante and friend of mine now and i don't want to lose that because of a silly mistake.

How about telling him that you're VERY INTERESTED in a PARTICULAR GUy CONSTANTLY..??

Guy K is also an "online friend". 16 years old. he is my "kor" online cos' well, he's older than me ! we're gaming partners and recently he has gotten very possessive of me. online that is. i was at a map with some high level pro person waiting for a big monster to come out. he came and found me chatting quite happily to this stranger and got really mad at me. just waged a hokkien insulting war on this guy, and of course, the guy shot back with multitudes of hokkien words. i didnt understand hokkien so i just kept quiet. some words i could understand, but i pretended not to. when the pro guy finally went off to do something, kor lashed out at me. calling me names, scolding me. i tolerated. cos' i know he has problems managing his temper. but he really hurt me with some names.
so we had cold war again (we had one just before that incident, when he was still supposedly mad at me but he came to find me.) two days. and it was during his olevels. he has two accounts and from one he deleted me from his "buddy". i was even more hurt by that. and i went to my favourite place to destress in the game. when i came out of that place, i saw him there waiting for me. so i randomly said a "hello kor" [it was courtesy]. we talked abit but never brought up the two cold wars we had. so now the relationship is back to "normal" but i keep feeling that something that was there before is gone. he's from a neighbourhood school also btw. any help i could get for this "relationship" ? he's been quite a good friend to me..

Whatever both of you treasure of this...

i totally apologise for this long entry ^.^ and when dearest friends answer, you might wanna highlight copy and paste the question you are answering as a quote, instead of quoting the WHOLE passage which gets irritating as you try and scroll down xD thanks dudes !

No prob!! Wink

macjoe SG

Just my thoughts. Take it with a pinch of salt. Cool

Guy A1
you're not the only one who feels awkward - [email protected] feels awkward when they discover they're together with a secret admirer. just don't blow his cover. pretend you don't know and enjoy the good feeling/friendship. you may not be infatuated but the guy probably is. don't stick so close unless you're really fond of him too - let him open up in his own time but frankly, most guys (grls too) are scared to reveal their interest/feelings. a mutual understanding of keeping a little distance (that looks far apart but comfortably close enough) would be good for the two of you. basically, he act blur, you act blur also.

Guy R
some feelings come and go tested over time. the guy's true colors reveal to you the other side of him which you can see better now than if you were still in a crush.

Guy A2
i think the more you convey you don't like him at all, the stronger his crush for you grows. cold silence works better than repeatedly telling him.

Guy C
when you go help someone get over a past r/s, the chances are high that that person will like you. if you were the one instead, esp grls, you'll like him.
but the problem is the helper isn't fond, just helpful. so if the difference isn't communicated, convey it or cannot be understood, best to keep a distance than to give the wrong idea. if can and u think he'll accept it, make known the distinction by writing like email.

Guy S
silly mistake indeed. now he got the wrong signal. how about this?
"i suppose we'll still be friends but whether that close is unpredictable - people change after a long time apart. my/your waist and shape might balloon beyond recognition."

Guy K
an overprotective guy perhaps who never trust anyone getting fresh with you? may have same problems everytime he sees you chatting up with guy strangers and friends. good r/s can become ugly if he doesn't manage his temper well.

sgFish SG

my advice, don't get too emotionally attached to anyone at your age. i'm 16 this year (no O's, through train =D), i got myself very emotionally attached to a few girls so far. some liked me, some didn't, and sometimes we even got touchy.

but what adults tell us are true. even at this age, where our rebellious streak and all tends to try to tell us how independent and emotionally stable we are, and we look around and see how many people are attached at this age and all, it is far better that we stay clear of all emotional attachments at this age. As far as i'm concerned, I used to think i could handle any emotional problems with the opposite sex well. But after something happened recently, i'm not sure about that at all anymore..

and don't worry too much about whether you can get married and all in the future. You're a christian right? theres a passage somewhere in one of the gospels, about God taking care of the sparrows, other birds and what not (sorry my bible knowledge isn't very good >.<), so of course He'd take care of your life too right? So just concentrate on your studies now. you're an RG girl, and the sec3 and sec4 workload is very heavy as far as some of my friends are concerned, even though you don't have to take Os.<br /><br />yep. all the best, and don't get your head too messed up =)

Prophecy_Master SG

Originally posted by serenewwjd:
hi. i read thru some of the posts on this site, and found it pretty "useful". ie, people really try to help, unlike other forums. i should start with a self intro :

i am a Christian girl from singapore, 14 years of age, currently studying in Raffles Girls' Sec Sch [lets call this "premier school"]. okay i maintain my viewpoint that i am NOT showing off: you'll see the connection between schools later..

14yearsold, very young. yepp, so i would like to find out a few answers here..

basically, i have guy problems. -.-

(lets name the guys with the first letter of their name.)

Guy A1 is in my tennis class. i see him every sunday for lessons. he's also 14 and studying in Saint Patricks' (which is just around Marine Parade; neighbourhood school). i can tell he likes me cos'
1. the coaches never gave him a break about it; kept teasing him especially when i was around. my friend from the class before me, overheard one of the coaches and his conversation and it went something like "you like serene arh ?" and Guy A1 has no reply. He's a Christian too by the way, i believe he doesn't lie.
2. he always always goes out of his way to make small talk. if we get paired, while waiting for both our turns, after the doubles' game when we were supposed to pick up the tennis balls, after the lesson, during water breaks...you name it.
3. major giveaway : when the coaches tease him about liking me, he just refuses to look me in the eye or even in my direction. i just act stupid and pretend not to hear, or "huh?".

he is quite a nice guy overall, "good feeling" about him, but no crush or infatuation. yet. but im still awkward being around him and well, don't know how to act when im with him.

Guy R is from my church. i (used to) crush him. he's 16 and homeschooling. we have an "sms relationship" which dates back to jul04 (last year). november he was going to cambodia for mission trip, and well..i guess i was a little afraid he'd get blown up or something -.- so i told him i liked him and he replied with "actually..i like you alot too ((:" but i said no when he took another step (ie stead), and gave him all the waffles about having to spend more time on my studies. i wasn't ready for that commitment yet. and so after that, smses consisted of the "norm" and also the occasional "i miss you"s.
in feb05, the sms relationship started to "die". smses got less frequent, and more one liner answers. since then, its a hot-cold relationship. hots are around 2 days, colds can last up to 2 months. now he still calls me sometimes just to chat. approx time : 45mins on one conv on the phone. when i see him on sunday, he comes over to talk to me only when both our gangs are not around. he plays guitar for the youth worship you see, so sometimes when he's onstage doing last-min rehearsing he stares at me. yea i ignore him (tsk he sposed to be concentrating !).
[b]problem : in his smses, he comments on how rarely i sms him nowadays, and somehow never fails to drop a "she" referring to another friend of his. i know hes trying to make me "jealous". one of my used-to-be close friend told me he changes crushes "like changing clothes liddat". and he has crushed this close friend before. because of a church project, this girl and me had contrasting views and we fell out. about a week after, he smsed me to tell me about the church project and HIS views and said i shouldnt be so harsh on that close friend. i got very very pissed with him. cos' i apologised to her on the phone 5 days before he smsed me about the harshness thing (ie 2 days after the fallout). and conveniently added in "i was just having a nice little chat with [name of close fren] and i think you shouldnt be so harsh on her...." he still looks at me in church tho. it's bad. he still calls me, but i never initiate convs with him thru sms or reallife anymore. i dont know what i should do with him. i dont even know whether i like him anymore.

Guy A2 is from my church as well. 14 this year in a neighbourhood school. he has crushed me since jun04 and still does until now. he's good friends with Guy R and he knows i like Guy R and vice versa. but he still continues to "pester" me. including trailing after me thruout J8 for one whole hour, "stalking" me when im in church, sticking to me whenever i'm on gaming MapleStory. basically he's the irritating guy. i have already told him countless times i don't like him cos' he's not my type at all. i go for the good guys. he has done smoking and inhalents before to "try", didnt get hooked. constantly gets into fistfights.. that type. if he were good looking, he would be labelled as a flirt: crushes around 3-5 girls at once. any ideas how i can further convey that i do not like him at all ? i have told him more than three times and ignore him when gaming and on msn.

Guy C is also from my church. 17 this year in Poly. i was helping him get over his previous relationship problems and he suddenly turns around and says he likes me. i gave him more of the waffles about studies and being too busy. he accepted it but still stares at me in church and comes to talk to me frequently. or "try to". after a cold period, i thought he didnt like me anymore, so we went back to our "kor-mei" (brother-sister) relationship. good friends still. then he comes and asks me to stead him AGAIN. more waffles about studies and pointedly gave him cold shoulder till now. refusing to talk to him at all. i have no idea what to do with him either.

Guy S is an "online friend". 18yrs old. we have gotten to know each other quite well. and in a sense he is my "senior" cos' he's from raffles junior college [premier school]. i can't say i have "feelings" for him cos' after all, he IS an online friend. he has recently started minor hinting to me about being his gf. we were talking about further studies and he was worrying over the fact that he didnt have a gf. so i said "when you go US your uni will be full of smart people like you. sure have gf then." he was like "no la..im so dumb. nobody will want me de. lol when i come back to singapore with no gf you be mine can?" and there wasnt any "jk =X" or any of that sort following it. he is still a very good confidante and friend of mine now and i don't want to lose that because of a silly mistake.

Guy K is also an "online friend". 16 years old. he is my "kor" online cos' well, he's older than me ! we're gaming partners and recently he has gotten very possessive of me. online that is. i was at a map with some high level pro person waiting for a big monster to come out. he came and found me chatting quite happily to this stranger and got really mad at me. just waged a hokkien insulting war on this guy, and of course, the guy shot back with multitudes of hokkien words. i didnt understand hokkien so i just kept quiet. some words i could understand, but i pretended not to. when the pro guy finally went off to do something, kor lashed out at me. calling me names, scolding me. i tolerated. cos' i know he has problems managing his temper. but he really hurt me with some names.
so we had cold war again (we had one just before that incident, when he was still supposedly mad at me but he came to find me.) two days. and it was during his olevels. he has two accounts and from one he deleted me from his "buddy". i was even more hurt by that. and i went to my favourite place to destress in the game. when i came out of that place, i saw him there waiting for me. so i randomly said a "hello kor" [it was courtesy]. we talked abit but never brought up the two cold wars we had. so now the relationship is back to "normal" but i keep feeling that something that was there before is gone. he's from a neighbourhood school also btw. any help i could get for this "relationship" ? he's been quite a good friend to me..

i totally apologise for this long entry ^.^ and when dearest friends answer, you might wanna highlight copy and paste the question you are answering as a quote, instead of quoting the WHOLE passage which gets irritating as you try and scroll down xD thanks dudes ![/b]

kid, u think too much. 14yrs only study first. u talk about bgr when u are above 16. get it ? no sex no love. man love because of sex while women sex because of love. Mr. Green

rainee SG

kaoz...you are still young la. Dun think any r/s that you get into will last very long anyway. So save yourself from trouble and concentrate on your studies instead. There will be time for serious r/s later on in ur life Wink

WiNtEr'SkiLL SG

wow so many guys
u have so many choices , why so many
just concentrate on ur studies..

zeny SG

so young already know how to flirt..
no wonder people say young girls cannot make it nowdays..
please lar all the guys u have mentioned only want to bed u thats all..
u think hor they will care after they have ONS with u?

dzylim SG

i dunno who is it tat she thinks that christians don lie. really meh? she is a christian herself and yet she lies abt not studies and everything so as to get guys off her back.

Chin Eng SG

If we are trying to help this child, we ought not post negative remarks.

My opinion is that in Aunt Agony, we can't or wouldn't help, we should just stay out.

ejb SG

Contary to the belief that we need not post negative remarks, i beg to differ.
Nowadays, kids think they are too smart to handle everything.
Parents gives them everything, and they thought the world is all about enjoyment. Thus bringing abt spoilt brats.

From her post, it sounds to me that she is certainly proud of her charms, even though at a tender age of 14.
From her post, she does not looks to me that she's asking for advice, more like she want people to know about this "glory"?

If she's gonna choose either guy, and it fails, just let her learn from failure, which i always believe failure teaches a person most easily.

Side-note: Btw, sounds to me church is a "proven" good way to "sian" girls.
Just feeling a-tad pretty disappointed that church is being used for such clause, instead of letting people devote themselves to the teachings..

goodguy2219 SG

I SUGGEST THAT U TAKE ME
WE CAN BE GOOD LOVER

Shotgun SG

Wah... thats like a lot of guys that u have to handle.

However, my advice is this. U are 14. At this age, u need good friends more than boyfriends. Learn to build friendships.

Majority of good relationships grow out of friendships first. Going into BGR now, might give u a negative experience with relationships with guys. And that might not impact u well at all in future when u are more mature and really looking for a life partner.

Start building friendships first, with guys n girls alike. Observe what how guys n girls think and behave. And learn how to handle relationships with ur friends, both guys n girls. These would in turn help u to deal with relationships with ur boyfriend in the future.

Can tell that u are a very intelligent girl. So think about what I've said.

if u need further advice or counselling, please feel free to contact TOUCHline @ 1800-3772252

Uncle_MooMoo SG

Is it just me, or did she not state what her problem is? The post is just a mega blop of guys' profile and rants?
Anyway like most have mentioned, 14 is too young to talk about love.

However no one will begrudge you for crush-ing boys or even dating one.
Just realise that in a year or two, your ideal 'type' will change. In other words, at this point, it's more of a social comfort, puppy love and to put it crassly, an experience so you know what to look out for when you're older and looking for Mr. Right. Therefore if I were you, I'd choose the St Patricks guy (unless his looks really CMI) because:
1. He's your age
2. He's in a single-sex school as well

One can understand the complexities of teenhood, and it gets even more complicated for you since you're studying in RGS. If you're even mildly hot, you'd have been hit on numerous times in town by your peers from all-boys school.
Cross-gender contact is necessary and an important part of adolescent. This unhealthy segregation/deprivation, rather than serving its purpose of shutting out "studying distractions" creates even more. People who have platonic contact with the opposite sex in school daily tend to be more apathetic towards dating.
On the other hand, many of my friends from boys' school end up coupled with a girl they barely know (because each has their school stuff) just for the sake of it.

Also, most older guys are rarely interested in girls below 15, cause it's just weird bringing a little sister out. There's 3 possible reasons to why you're drawing so many older guys:
1. You're hot and look older than your true age
2. You are matured and intellectually adept (quite likely from your structured observation)
or
3. You're hot and gullible and they believe they can bed you

Finally, I wouldn't be too worried Guy K . Sounds like the average acne-stricken cyberthug who's really just a socially inept little boy in real life. Of course he's posessive! He's probably already imagining how your wedding with him would be.
You have yourself to blame for looking for friends in a MMORPG. What on earth is a "premier" student doing in there? Rolling Eyes

hyperactivechatterbox SG

Waaaaaah! I think that….you must be really chio…

hyperactivechatterbox SG

I agree with Uncle_moomoo.

Saint` SG

shld u be playing ur game .. enjoy ur studying .. Confused

then raffles girls then raffles girls lo ..

rjc then rjc lo ..

y label the extra premier school .. big deal .. the more u wish to explain the worst it gets ..

so many guys .. i reckon tat u mus be super cute or pretty .. well good for u ..
actually ur stand is pretty obvious .. u brush them off by saying u wan more time for ur studies.. ok thats it .. UR PART ENDS

there is nothing u can do when the guy continues to pester u .. mayb u can tell him nicely .. "i wish to be frens n nothing more .. n if u still wan to carry on .. u might end up spoiling the frenship" bla bla .. to whatever u wish ..

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