just thought i should repost this...
When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life
partner,no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a high divorce
rate , it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their
approach to finding Mr/Ms Right!
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting
married, they'll say: "We're in love."
I believe this is the ...
#1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner
should never be based on love (alone). Though this may sound not
politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love (alone) is
not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a
good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love
will come. Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime
relationship on love alone. You need a lot more.
Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious
about finding and keeping a life partner.
QUESTION #1: Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so
important? If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time
to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all
that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share
something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life
purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow
together, or you can grow apart. To make a marriage work, you need
to know what you want out of life.
QUESTION #2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts
with this person? This question goes to the core of the quality of
your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly
with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust!
Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to
marry.
QUESTION #3: Is he/she a someone who is a refined and sensitive
person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. i) Do they
work on personal growth on a regular basis? ii) Are they serious
about improving themselve. So, ask about your significant other:
What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic?"
Usually, a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority
is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people
in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and
people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in
life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing
the right thing.
QUESTION #4: How does he/she treat other people? The one most
important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to
give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person
pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others
or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure
this, think about the following: i) How do they treat people whom
they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi
drivers, etc? ii) How do they treat parents and siblings? Do they
have gratitude and appreciation? Do they show respect? If they
don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything,
you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you - who can't
do nearly as much for them! iii) Do they gossip and speak badly
about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves
others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will
eventually treat you poorly as well.
QUESTION #5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this
person after we're married? Too many people make the mistake of
marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them
after they're married. You can probably expect someone to change
after marriage for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this
person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous.
The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less
with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you
are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to
the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you
wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself
in trouble because you didn't do your homework.
