Mum's affecting my social life

Devil1976 SG

Family outings... REMEMBER, it's about quality time and yes... FAMILY. It's about breaking the ROUTINE... It's NOT about getting somewhere for the sake of it... It's about TIME.. For your family to be TOGETHER... When things break out, talk nicely to her... (at least for a starter?)

Mum's not listening... TRY HARDER.. Wanna show her your COLORS..? Well.. At the suitable time, it's ok to have a FIRM STAND on CERTAIN THINGS... It's not like asking you to TURN THE TABLE DIRECTLY... INSTEAD, be FIRM... You wanna go out with your friends, just let her know and go... (or go then let her know if it's gonna make things any easier?) One way or another, she's still gonna NAG and be UNREASONABLE... It just doesn't make any sense for everybody to lose their own lives because of her yeah..? Wink

PS. Don't condemn her, but don't condemn yourself too!

nuchio SG

i read all the suggestions...

this is one more.

try threatening her. give her a taste of her own medicine. whatever she says like killing herself, tell her the same thing when she threatens you.

example

MOTHER - will you be home by 8 tonight?

YOU - no. i will be out with friends.

MOTHER - why not? do you want to leave me alone.. i am your poor mother...blah.. blah... blah... do you want me to die? do you want me to jump down? do you want me to kill myself???

YOU - why cant i have a life? i am just your son...i am 20 odd years old and i hardly have friends... i dont even have a gf for now. do you want me to be alone for the rest of my life? do you think i can have my life for a change? what do you want me to do? do you want me to kill myself? i think there is no difference whether i live now or not... i am actually thinking about it... there isnt much for me to live anyway... all i do is spend time with you... my boss thinks that i am lazy because i cannt work late... the company is going to sack me for sure... times are so bad... they will retrench me first... i cannot go on like this.. better not live... why me? why is this happening to me? why am i so unlucky? why was i born???...

i know this is rather dramatic. but you get the drift. your mum is playing mind games. so you play her game... let her know what you are doing and let her feel for herself what it is like to be on the receiving end.

good luck !

viciouskitty74 SG

BTW,

There is no such thing as mother being a co-owner can give up the flat w/o the other co owner's consent.

And the flat cannot be reprossed if any of you in the family is willing to make the effort to contribute yourselves.

And being owner of the home, does not make you a ultimate owner of your family's behaviour.

The Den SG

My ex-gf called today.

Her dad is having a celebration on his promotion. Actually I have already known it because I have been visiting her blog to keep myself updated on her life.

I told her I do my best and try to make it. (Downtown East.)

As usual, mum calls at 1759 hrs demanding my presence:

Mum: "Where are u?"
Me: "I'm in the office, mum."
Mum: "Can you come back for dinner? I'm cooking."
Me: "I'm going out with a friend, mum, I'll be home at around 10?"
Mum: "So are you going to tell me have dinner alone again? You know boy and your stupid dad of yours are out and not coming home tonight."
Me: "Mum, Can you manage alone until ten? I'll be home at ten exactly.."
Mum: "I'm your mum, and this is what I get for bring you up..." (voice trails off)
Me: "I'll call boy? (younger brother)
Mum: "He just left for work 10 mins ago... I'll see you back at 8 for dinner or else you can expect something to happen to me..."

(Phone slams... "click")

Now still in office pondering what should I do....
Neutral

The suggestion is good, but I have a feeling that it would end up to the segment above I've just typed and been through...

countdracula SG

i do think your mum has some form of mental illness or at least psychological issues. perhaps it is time to seek professional help. frankly, i would not give in to her, as this would only encourage her to be more unreasonable. this is no different from my child who would sometimes make unreasonable demands. 2 choices for me, submit or ignore, trust me the second one works very well. give your mum some stick and the sooner she realises she cannot make unreasonable demands on you, she’ll learn to respect you. make you the dominant in this relationship.

The Den SG

I couldn't agree more with you. But what if one day you come home to see your mum all dead and splattered on the ground floor as a result of ignoring? I will live in guilt forever.

I have applied for a night part time job in a warehouse nearby, and hopefully I'll get the job.. I guess its the only way to beat the "system."

Sometimes mum makes all of us feel that life is not worth living anymore. Confused

countdracula SG

i’m not qualified to dish out any advice but this is what i’ll do. ignore her for a couple of times to show her you’re no pushover. as for killing herself, i’m more incline to the phrase ‘a barking dog seldom bites’. she’s just trying to gather attention and i think your brother and father have somewhat succeded. you can either help her get involved with some social activities or simply life your own life. otherwise, the one who will be spilling blood is not your mother but you. you need to get out of this bitter cycle and soon i reckon.

seraphsigma SG

do give counselling a try…

The Den SG

I really apreciate your reply. Dad and brother had somewhat "escaped" her clutches, so she's clinging onto me.

She's an expert in mind games. Sentences like:

"I brought you up and this is how you repay me"
"I thought I had a good son, I was wrong"
"This is what I get after been so nice to you"
"Why are you always against your mum? Do you want lightning to strike you?"
"Don't call me mum if you are not home by eight this evening for dinner."
"First is your bastard dad, now it's you, and boy (younger brother) will be next"
"I know you just want me to die so that you can be happy"

Utimately.. thanks for listening... I feel better after letting it all out...
Smile

seraphsigma SG

Hey cool. GLad to know you’re better. Fill us in if there’s anything else u might need. All the best!

nopulseisgood SG

worse come to worse,pack up and leave home but u most prob end up worse than wat u r now. I kn how it feel to hav a unreasonable parent,u cant beat them up but u cant made them understand no matter how u try.They tok weird thing like u hate to c them happy or thing like u wish them dead or some other unbelievable stuffs. But in the end,the situation will not change unless u do something abt it and i suggest a one week disappearance to made them kn how much they miss u.U got to however leave a msg w someone that u r alive and not kidnapped.U dun want to end up on the night news.

The Den SG

Where to? Friends' house? I'm saving up for a trip to Malaysia, maybe for a 2 week break.

I went for a full one week holiday few months back after informing her. No change in attitude at all. She insisted on auto roaming too..

As usual, you can find me at home most of the time before 8pm. My younger brother said I was "soft", but she's my mum afterall, how far should I bend backwards for her Confused

Yeah, I guess it's Emotional blackmail at it's best.

Check out today's special from mum:

"Don't you want to come back for dinner with your lonely mum? I know it's only me, but I hope you won't be like that sh*thead dad of yours, going out with friends all the time."

She uses vulgar words, and taunts you to fall into her trap.

Click. So perfect.

countdracula SG

as much as i feel for you. i believe you have already found your own solution. the only thing left for you is to act upon it, provided that is what you want. like others who contributed to your thread, we are merely 3rd party looking in and have no say in your situation. on a personal note, if it's happening to me, such a monster's untimely demise will be welcomed to free myself of this parasitical entrapment (please note it's not an advise!!!).

go for your trip, ignore the situation and let her sort herself out. by the time you return, 2 outcomes, one is where she is so pissed that she ignores you...hurray!! second is that she learns to respect you and be less unreasonable..the smaller consolation of the 2.

regards..

akino SG

If u really wanna help ur mum n ur family i think u should consider counselling.
It really helps. I think ur mum is suffering from depression.
it can be treated!

All the best my friend

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