Originally posted by Depressed...*sigh*:
OK, I have some problems regarding about my past and I
can't seem to let go?
Actually quite uncomfortable to write these..but haix, here I
go..
[b]Family
So when I was young, I had a fairly bad childhood, always having
all sort of illness, hospitalised and so on. After that when i'm
well again, things took a change..
My parents were divorced, but it's ok, at least if they both love
me still, it will still be alright right? But no, that wasn't the
case.
My father being the heck-care type took me and my sister in, by
living with him and my stepmum. On the other hand, my mum, being a
compulsive gambler (maybe a b!tch) dumped us and didn't really
contact us after that.
Ok so why I say my father was the heck-care type? Because everytime
him and my stepmom quarrel, he would send us to different
relatives' places and put us there...maybe even forgetting that we
are there at the first place, and the last straw came when he has
to put us up in my uncle's place permanently.
We were quite happy there at the first place but after my uncle and
aunty give birth to their first child, we feel like second citizens
to their family. First of all, they don't give us freedom and likes
to restrict our every movements. Once even commented to a stranger
while I was serving tea to him that I was his free maid.
Like wtf, I feel so sad that he thinks of me that way that I
decided to rebel so that my father would take me to his home again,
and rebel I did, so I finally was sent to my father's home..leaving
only my poor sis to my uncle.
but luckily she's still coping well, so I felt a sense of
relieved..but my nightmare doesn't ends there...
(do note that I didn't write a full story of my bad past, only
leaving some out like for e.g my sister and I were thrown into
different places before settling down on this uncle's place 'cause
the relatives didn't like us, but just took us in cause of pity and
because of that, I have to change sch often)
School
So I kept changing school right? And sad to say, i'm always the new
girl in the sch during my primary sch days..but it's ok, I made
some great friends, but in the end? I had to change school and
places, so my friendship stops there. We did contact, but couldn't
meet cause we are not staying close to each other and my relative
doesn't allow me to go that far a destination to meet
friends.
In the end, we stopped all contacts together.
But never mind, in this new school I go and made some great friends
again, but during primary 6, backstabbing amongst us starts to
occur and I suffered the worst
I was beaten up by a guy 1 yr younger then me (but he's
stronger..oh i'm a girl mind you) and my so called best friend
joined him to go against me and make me suffer mentally and
...physically.
It was a painful period and during one time, I had started my
menses earlier and I was feeling kind of sore down there and this
guy came and whollop me down there (uterues, or however you spell
it) and he kept hitting and punching me too. It was painful to
write this as I recall
Ok, so I graduated from primary sch and my so called best friend
snub me and so are others (except for 1 or 2, but they went into
different sch cause they were best frens together..but i'm only a
good friend to them)
So I had this mental barrier that I couldn't overcome and went in
to sec sch with a negative attitude and also, shun most people.
Morever, I was posted To NA and this doesn't help with my already
bruised self-esteem.
So some classmates of mine took advantage of me and you guess
it..bullied me back and forth. I was miserable throughtout this
whole period..humilated and insulted.
Anyway, things were cooled and but the hurt is still there and some
b!tch in sch tried stealing my crush cause she knows I like him (I
do not think she likes him, just that she's been a b!tch)
Oh well, though my results worsen somewhere there. I manage to pick
it up this year, hope fully I can get into a poly course I wanted.
But the problem is..how..like how do I overcome the disgust I had
for people over the years..*sigh*
Yours mentally scarred,
Depressed...*sigh*[/b]
Very complicated family background. It requires
more than just a post to change all these negativity you have
accumulated throughout your developing years.
To overcome your disgust with people, you got to first overcome
yourself. Please understand that although we cannot control who our
parents are, we certainly have absolute control over our own life
and what we want to do with them. You may have encounter terrible
family experience and is likely to instil certain corrupted mindset
towards relationship with people, but that is only if you want to
set your perception in bending towards such negativity.
You have to find ways to improve your overall esteem and to seek
for your confidence. Self love is essential, if you desire to
improve relationship with people around you, or at least, remove
the contempt you had for others. 
Cheers
