Everyday when you wake up, how do you keep yourself going in the
day's chores?
What keeps you going on in life? What motivates you to do the
things you are doing now?
Time and again, I've been pondering over these questions. Till
today, I have not found a very conclusive answer. Everyday, day and
night, I'm living a life that I'm unsure of where this is leading
me to.
Living life up to graduation, getting a stable job and being able
to support my parents in the future seems to be the motivation for
me after so much thinking. But now, I'm starting to worry and it's
getting worse for me as time passes by, one day at a time. Can I
graduate successfully with a good result? Can I find a stable and
hopefully well-paying job? If I can't find a job, will I disappoint
my parents?
I'm by nature a rather shy and anti-social person. I'm very
unwilling to take on the burdens of others and have to worry about
them when I have my own "worries" to think about. Thus, I don't
have much friends. Often, I'm been accused as self-centred and
selfish but that doesn't really bother me since I'm so used to it
now. I have no looks and definitely no money. Certainly not a guy
that would interest any gal. Even though I have ascertained myself
that I will remain single, unmarried and be an old, happy bachelor,
I do wonder what will become of me in the future. When I am in my
later years, sitting in an old dingy chair, what can I hope for?
What are the things that I can look back on proudly? I don't have
an answer to this right now.
Am I thinking too much? Indeed, this is a comment that I have
received rather often as well. I suppose that when I am alone and
there is nothing occupying my mind that these thoughts will again
flood my mind. Is there purpose in life?
I really wonder.
Thanks for hearing my rants of sorts. Feel free to give your
comments.
