How to get rid of the insecurities?

pinksnowie SG

I know my current bf thru a mutual friend.

Both of us just broke off with our exes... And we were sorta keeping each other company, lending shoulders to cry and listening ears. After a very short while, we fell in love with each other. And we have been together till now...

we have been together for 4mths. Somehow I cant help thinking about his previous relationship. Cos he loved his ex alot, even proposed to her and she agreed. And they had been together for abt 4yrs! And he even cried when he talked about her (when we were just friends)... Sometime I wonder why I worry so much. Sometime I am worried cos I love him alot and dont want to lose him...

Another thing is, he has wandering eyes and sometimes his eyes will follow wherever the girls go. According to some of my friends, I should just let him see the girls. I know I cant restrict him to keep his eyes on me, but why should he keeps his eyes on them wherever they go? I told him how I feel. He said he is only just looking, not thinking of them (to me, oogling them is bad, must lest the thinking of them!). And he also says he can only look and cannot touch them, so why should I mind so much? From then onwards, whenever I mention a beautiful person, he will say he dont dare to see lest I am jealous. Erm... So what does this mean?

Conclusion: Both of us are madly in love with each other. I am more vocal in my feelings, and he will say I am too sensitive or paranoid. I dont want to be seem as so, yet I cant control expressing my feelings... And I want to get rid of these insecurities and he is not helping... What should I do?

Peppermint SG

are u someone i know? your situation and nick is familiar….

sgboy2004 SG

mi think mi know who u r liao Very Happy

M©+square SG

Dear Pinksnowie,

May i get this clear?
Your boyfriend cannot help you curb your insecurities. Emotions and feelings do not easily bloom from situations or problems.
It is created. Yes, It is created from yourself.

You may really wish to go back to your former relationship which failed and conduct a review the reason it failed.

Your insecurities may not be from him(not solely from him)
It may be from your former relationship and your ideal values.

Cheers

Peppermint SG

then maybe we both know her ;p

drx SG

" Cos he loved his ex alot, even proposed to her and she agreed. And they had been together for abt 4yrs! "

Then why they break off? Just curious.

You never say why you break off with your ex also leh..
Need to know a bit more to help you. Just the basic lar no need details.

Guys see girls normal lar. As long he never touch them can liao. Please lor if a handsome guy walk pass you, do you swear you never ever look at him meh?

Yunhaier SG

What's completely secured? Is there such a thing? Even the 'Best Love' you could hold this lifetime could never give you a 100% security.

You two had just left your individual relationship shortly before coming together; let me reassure you that it would be impossible for him to completely sever his connection (heart, mind and soul) with his ex of four years in such short span of time. Your insecurity is not unfounded, but it may not be wise to step into it so quickly.

The more intense the flame burns, the faster it dies.

You are madly in love with him; and love made you have the desire to possess his personal three realms (Physical, Psychological and Psyche). To be afraid to lose your relationship is normal, however to be overly paranoid about it will actually cause a subconscious impact into the relationship, straining it.

Trust and your own security is like seesaw - the more trust input, you feel more insecured and this shouldn't be the case. It should be proportionate and not inverse.

P.S: Here's a question for you to consider: do you think that your love could be just companionship after an aftermath of a failed relationship? You speak naught of your previous relationship; I suppose you have already moved on.

But him? Idea

Cheers

mahai102 SG

just enjoy the sex & think of brad pitt while he's poking you...

Laughing

pinksnowie SG

Maybe it's true the insecurities come from within me. Cos my ex slept with a girl. And I forgave him cos i loved him too much then. It seemed I was stupid enough to forgive him and continue to be with him. In the end, I found out that he had been 2 timing me for a yr. The feeling sux.

AS for him, he told me his ex no longer loved him...

Anyway, true that I will look if a handsome guy walks past, tho I dare to say my eyes would not follow wherever he goes. I know different people different characters and I cant expect my bf to have the attitudes as me.

Still...