Seen what u had written and you had my sympathy¡K Love¡K.. u
must have wonder why is it always so painful when a romance goes
wrong?? I myself also wonder at that question so much that it
sometimes drive me craze¡K..I had often seen great sacrifice that
people had made in name of love. They will die for the loves one
even they either rejected or accepted. I understand the phases that
u are going through. It can be one of the worse experiences that a
human being can go, for us humans are soft-wired to suffer terribly
when we are rejected by someone we adore and it is for a good
evolutionary reason. Romantic love is as powerful as hunger and it
is no wonder people around the world will live and die for love. It
can be used partly to explain for the human ability to sacrifice in
times of great stress and needs for a love one
Enough of the sympathy words and to get to the logical part of all
these ¡K. Please try to understand the logical despite the
difficulty in understanding and accepting the facts when all those
emotions are over taking your logical thinking.
Anyway u are asking for advise and this is my advice. º Btw u
aren¡¦t a bad guy and if u are one, u in the first will not ever
ask us for advises and do the unthinkable things to get her back.
Even u think you did some nasty stuffs to her. Please remember no
one is PERFECT!! Everyone had their flaws and your flaws define who
you are and your principle of life and being yourself. I myself did
much stuff which I am not proud of but I do regret and try to
improve myself. That is the most important way to go around. Dun
blame but improve. Stop blaming yourself is the first thing for the
fall out.
As I can read.. u still love her and that¡¦s natural but I hope you
can think more carefully about your future plans in going around
this relationship.
The problem now which I can see (please note this is what I
understand and it can be wrong) is that you facing a probability of
a good relationship being broken up where u do not want her to go
cos u love her.
Next I want you to I want to evaluate the situation¡K.. what are
actually the true reasons for the probability of breaking up?? The
various reasons which I am speculating from my read¡K is like a
third party, lost interest of relationship or maybe not spending
enough time understanding her¡KPlease note I am speculating .. but
I want u to really think what is actually going on. By
understanding what is causing the problem is important. Think cause
and effect. If possible sit down and have a serious conservation
with her and understand what is wrong. Women always complain we men
do not listen lol¡Kmaybe and try to work with the relationship.
Once u know the problems and the reasons for the problems, next
think of solutions.
Thinking of solutions to resolve those problems. I believe if the
problem is about not spending or understanding her good enough, you
should be wise enough to go about solving it. U know buy her roses,
spending more time, trust her more, etc. But if it is concerning,
and I apologise being rash about the realities of life, third
parties or the fact she do not love you anymore¡K the solutions to
solve will take u deeper and harder.
Here are the list of my solutions for those scenarios .. and if u
had more that is better¡K I am quite a narrow minded person so my
views might not suit your views. But anyway here are they;
1) Dump her
2) Try to woo and reconcile with her again
After thinking of all the solutions, next is to think about them.
This is the hardest part¡K I want you to contemplate about all
these things which we had mention. Find a quiet place and think¡K.
I want you to think about on how to go about these choices. It may
take you days to months but so be it.
Here are some insights of mine of choosing the 2 options mention
above. My insight can be ignorant but again I hope other will set
in their insights.
For the first option, love is supposed to be an unconditional and
mutual understanding bond. Even you love her and she do not love
her, the whole relationship is pointless. It takes two to tango u
know¡K. Instead u can be unknowingly adding her stress and
frustration which can be harming her by continuing the
relationship. To a certain extent, you are making yourself to
suffer a lot due to the desire of affection which cannot be
obtained.
As Lord Buddha said, attachment is the cause of all
suffering.
When we like, we hope, once we hope, we desire and once we desire,
we attached and with attachment we suffered. By dumping her, you
will release part of your suffering. Even the great Musashiden, a
Ronin in ancient Japan, did mention "Life only starts when one is
able to relinquish all attachments." ( my interpretation of what he
mean is leaving the path of moral desires and needs) The path to
dump her is best if she love you no more. The ethic of love is
never let the love one suffer. If she is suffering due to you, you
must leave her for her to be free from her suffering. Most
importantly if u love her u must ensure she is happy. If your
presence is not doing so, leave her. That is the ethics of love.
Please note that ALL of us who are rejected will first protest the
departure and try to win back the beloved, and later to give up
utter, dust ourselves off and redirect our energy to fall in love
again. U are not alone 
For two, it is basically to continue to do what u had being doing
for her and hoping that you can win her over. As Hobbes said, there
are thing in life we must do to get the thing we want. We are self
regarding creatures and sometimes by being self interest (the
virtue of selfish) we can obtain happiness. By continuing courtship
and strong resolution to get what we desire, may allows us to
obtain the objects of what we desire, which is her love. By
determination and enduring the hardships, we can obtained things
which we desire. As Cao Cao once said, ¡§I rather fail the world
than let the world failed me.¡¨ So what you failed the world but at
least u had obtained your happiness. Remember this, the world owes
you nothing and its fate is not your concern. If u live up to the
world expectation do they care?? No I do not think so¡K as Hobbes
said we are just self interest creatures. We only live one time in
our life time and we do not want to live this life full of
regrets.
These are some insights but the choices are yours. The most
important point is taking the choices that are in line of your
belief and principle. If u take some path and going against your
principle, u are just betraying yourself. But most importantly, I
believe right now is to talk her and understand what actually the
situation is. After that think of the paths aviable and made final
decsion. Dun be like a hare ensnared in a net where it runs in
rounds and rounds, thus prolonging its sufferrings.
From what I read, there are lots of factors also affecting this
relationship such as age, etc which I personally think might impose
a problem but again I am in no position to say so. But I hope my
advise and method to go about will help you. Once u choose the path
u must find the equilibrium path where u balance your belief and
the way to solve your problem. Good luck!!!
Cheers
