Originally posted by starExcaliblur:
to be loved is a blessing, but will such marriages lasted
?
"The greatest thing you'll
ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return."
- Eden Ahbez
Guess it depends on the individual. People who marry those that
love them probably have some liking for the partner as well -- it's
quite hard to imagine a marriage with a person for whom you have
absolutely no positive feelings.
Wouldn't know if such marriages last -- there is no way of
verifying it with statistics -- but there is this couple I know of
which the wife initially did not love the husband as he loves her.
When they first knew each other, she had merely thought of him as a
friend, perhaps "best friend", and didn't hesitate to let him know
when he first professed his love for her. The best friend was
naturally hurt and she probably was prepared to lose this friend,
but he chose to remain at the sidelines as her friend.
At that time, the lady had been through a few traumatic
relationships and had been hurt by a few men whom she loved deeply
but who somehow had not loved her as much as they had claimed. Some
had been unwilling to commit, some had left when the love died out.
And all this while, the best friend still continued to be by her
side supporting her, while silently suffering to hear her relate
her relationship problems with other men.
The turning point came on the day the lady realised she was
pregnant from a recently-ended relationship. She sought out the man
who was responsible. He was not willing to accept the
responsibility, but was willing to pay for the abortion. Too hurt
to accept his money, the lady had wanted to abort the baby herself,
but being an independent working lady, she had also wanted to bring
up the baby alone. Confused, she confided in the best friend.
In a generous move that proved that his love for her was true and
unwavering, the best friend offered to be the father of the unborn
child. The lady was deeply moved by his gesture, but the thought of
marrying the person she had rejected and had always regarded as
just a friend troubled her. Though the best friend was not an
effeminate man, it was like marrying a "jie mei (sister)" to her.
So she asked for more time to consider, while putting off the
decision to abort her child.
It was not known what changed her mind, but after more than a
month, the lady finally gave in and said "yes". She probably
thought that marrying a man who loves her in spite of her condition
was much better than marrying one whom she may love but who would
never accept her child. The couple was married a few months later
with the bride carrying an embarrasingly-distended belly at the
solemnisation ceremony.
The baby son was born soon after, and true to his word, the husband
treats him like his own. The couple had another child two years
later, and till this day after five years they are still happily
married. It would seem that the lucky lady has finally found "the
man" -- the best friend whom she had liked but not loved and the
husband whom she has grown to love.
A story I've heard from among my circle of friends, though I
suspect some details may have been embellished for dramatic effect.
I'd guess that sometimes when people get hurt so much by those whom
they love but who do not love them, accepting those who love them
may be a welcome relief to the battered heart.
