We did love someone dearly....But if the love is so strong in
the first place.....Becareful!!!
This article is not mainly on guys juz because it end with a
her(HOOK,LINE,AND SINK HER),gals also do this kind of
things too.....
HOOK, LINE, AND SINK HER!
Falling in love with the commitmentphobe is the easiest thing in
the world to do! The thing about the commitmentphobe is that he (or
she) usually comes on very strong in the beginning stages of the
relationship. They will hold nothing back to win the heart of their
'victim'. They spend money freely, lavish you with gifts, smother
you with attention, compliment your every move, rush to help you
out, paint your living room, change your oil...etc. They quickly
make you feel extremely special - and lovable - and very desirable
- and wanted - and attractive - and wonderful - and, well, you get
the picture 
It is
hard to resist falling in love with the commitmentphobe! How can
you resist someone who thinks that you are just so incredibly
special and adorable? They will even make references to the future
using the 'we' word, making you believe that a future with this man
(woman) is indeed possible - and probable! (If you question the
commitmentphobe about past relationships, they will probably tell
you about many failed relationships - but make you believe it was
just because they hadn't found anyone as 'wonderful' and 'special'
as you!)
Beginning Stages
-he comes on strong and shows more interest in you than you do in
him
-he tells you that you are special, or indicates your specialness'
in other ways
-even though he has many failed relationships, he makes you feel
that it was just because he has never met anyone like you
-he goes out of his way to impress you
-he comes on as needy' and vulnerable', you almost feel sorry for
him
-he hints around that he is looking for a more permanent' and
stable relationship, and drops clues of marriage
-goes out of his way to be with you, do things for you, even
canceling other plans and disrespecting his friends
-he calls you up just to say hi' - often
-he refers to you both in the future sense, "when 'we' go to
Bahamas 'next year', I want to buy you that..."
-he acts as if you are the number one priority in his life
-he is sympathetic to women's plights, and often belittles other
men who treat women poorly
-he goes out of his way to earn your trust
-he tries to convince you to commit' to him exclusively or
sexually
What can I say - by now you're sunk!
Once he has won your heart over is when you start getting very
subtle hints and clues that there is something very terribly wrong
about the relationship. But you are so 'brainwashed' from his
massive 'win-you'over' campaign that it doesn't even occur to you
that this man has problems. After all, he is MADLY in love with you
he would never leave you!
Middle of the Relationship
-he seems to be very slowly and gradually diminishing his time,
calls, and attentiveness towards you
-he is sending you mixed messages and confusing his emotions, "come
here - go away"
-he compartmentalizes his life with you and his life without
you
-he is uncomfortable in your territory', i.e. your friends,
family, and social group
-he starts to make you less of a priority in his life and he has
rational' reasons why - which you buy because 'he is just sooooo
in love with you'
your sex life changes - he may become less aggressive, leaving you
to initiate sex more
-your time together starts to become scheduled. You feel more like
a duty' or a chore' of his, then an actual part of his life.
There is *His Life* and then there is *His Life With You*. You are
not allowed in *His Life* - you are excluded from meeting/knowing
his friends, family, career associates, etc., they are considered
'forbidden territory' to you. You are not included in his hobbies,
sports, weekend activities, children, etc.
-he twists your simple expectations, accusing you of pressuring him
with 'demands', and he turns your innocent requests into
accusations that you are 'nagging' and 'trying to control'
him
-your needs aren't getting met, and you feel as if he isn't really
listening' to you, or hearing' what you are saying
-he points out the good things about you, but acts almost resentful
and uncomfortable when you display these things
-there seems to be some issues that make it hard for him to easily
visit you or stay with you (i.e. you live too far, he doesn't like
your cat)
-he starts major fault-finding, and blatantly points out your flaws
- real or imagined (this is the stage where your ego is crushed and
your self-esteem takes a massive nose-dive. He will concentrate on
the one thing about you that you CAN'T change - such as your
religion, your height, your skin tone, your family, your financial
status, etc.) He exaggerates your faults and flaws to enormous
proportions
-you start to suspect he is seeing others
-he lies to you about his life outside' of you
-he agrees to change and makes a big show of remorse. He acts
confused and conflicted - you actually feel sorry for him
-the relationship stops growing, and he refuses to talk' about the
relationship, or avoids making committed changes
It is at this stage in the relationship that you think you just
need to love him stronger, or do even more 'wifely' things for him.
You cook his favorite foods, wear your sexiest negligees - etc. BUT
the more you love him - the more you end up pushing him away. The
more you try to be an 'understanding wife' figure, the more he
feels the impending threat of 'commitment'. Your loving intentions
only serve to drive the commitmentphobe further away.
He will start to find fault in you - this is his way of always
having an 'out'. He stores these 'flaws' subconsciously, thinking
to himself, "well, I could NEVER marry her - I couldn't possibly
spend my life with a woman who is only 5'1" - I love long legs!" He
needs these flaws to use as an excuse when the time comes to exit
(and the time WILL come!)
The problem with the Middle Stage is that in your mind you are
still in the Beginning Stage. You still think he is madly
head-over-heels in love with you and would never, ever leave you.
You are still delusional from the intensity of his 'beginning'
love. You start to think that maybe you are doing something wrong,
and so you try harder to show him your love. You even do 'wifely'
things to show him how good a wife you would be if he were to marry
you. All this does is drive the fear of commitment closer to his
conscious mind and he starts to panic! He needs to get out of the
relationship because he feels like he can't breathe. Being around
you causes him anxiety attacks. Unfortunately, since he is a
commitmentphobe that means he can't commit - either way. He can't
commit to being with you forever, yet he can't commit to not being
with you forever, either. So, he can't find the courage to leave
you. Thus, he decides that he will make you do the leaving!
The End of the Relationship
-he finds constant fault with you
-he starts dating other women, in hopes that you will catch him
(yet, surprisingly, if you do catch him he will cry and beg for
forgiveness - that's because he still can't commit to not having
you!)
-he spends less and less time with you
-he ignores your needs and wants
The hardest breakup in the world is that with the commitmentphobe.
You are left confused, wondering what you did wrong. He loved you
so much that you must have done something terribly wrong to kill
that love. You have been belittled, insulted, and nit-picked to the
point where your ego is crushed, you have low self-esteem, you feel
rejected, unloveable, unworthy, unacceptable, and excluded. You
wonder how anybody would ever want to be with you - you are just so
horrible. And the funny thing is is that you want to get him back
because you believe only he can make you feel better. Because it is
he who made you feel so bad.
The commitmentphobe isn't a bad person - he just simply has a
phobia of being 'trapped', much as a claustrophobic fears
confinement in small places, or a demophobic fears being in crowds.
This fear is so intense that, even though he can love another very
much, he feels an intense need to be 'free' of them. Feeling
pressured for a commitment can cause him to have a panic attack. He
searches for a way out in the end just as hard as he searched for a
way 'in' in the beginning.
Any comments?
