Whose fault is it when it ends??

mal_colm1979 SG

Hi guys....

We have always receive console and advice when we break off - "Learn from your mistakes and not make them again in future r/s..."

Why do we keep hearing these statements?? Is it true that we are always 100% at fault and we got to keep learning and changing for future r/s?? In that case, how we know when should we stop changing for our partners??

Is it meant to say if we are unlucky and get dump always, we must keep changing for our future partners??

Does it meant that the person who walks away from the r/s doesn't need to change??

ArchEnemy SG

Not necessarily in that context, as many here would agree - there are never lines drawn between parties to determine who's right and who's wrong. More than often we tend to let our mistakes blind ourselves from the practical options that are presented before us.

Put it this way, you broke off with this person mainly for the fact that there is some one better out there for you. Which then again may not necessarily be 100% accurate, given the possibilty you might fall out of that said r'ship. It's a vicious cycle but that's wat many of us go through before we manage to find our ideal partners.

It also depends on the mindset of the individual. Are you still opening your options despite the fact everytime you meet some one new and you decide to commit but can't actually bring yourself to? That's when all the "mistakes" and "misgivings" come in.

Bottom line is, people WILL change. All of us will definitely learn something from any r'ship we are in. Be it good or bad. Who knows now you are estranged from some one only to realise in future you are smitten with him/her again? Fate plays a cruel game on us sometimes. But I try to tell people I know to start and think HOW you are going to move on rather than WHY has the r'ship ended this way. Try to think positively and not attempt to comprehend as to "why we so suay? why must she do this to me? why, etc etc." If others have moved on and u are here moping around, it's quite obvious who's on the losing end.

Hope that helps. Cheers.

Smile

Devil1976 SG

Let's start off with the walked off person... Walked off liao, so doesn't matter right? Mr. Green Question

Then talk about you...?

Often then not, nobody's really 100% at fault during a break up... So no matter how minimal the % of responsibility, there usually are some things which you can learn from it... Making better judgements, things that you should or should not do... Things which you have the tendency of doing and should avoid... If you think your ex. made alot of mistakes, don't be like him or her.... etc?

Of course, sometimess nobody's really at fault during a break up... If nothing to learn in those cases then don't learn lor? Mr. Green

Btw, when to change for your partner and when not to change for your partner is also a part of the 'lesson'... But often, there're just no definite answer to that....

Yunhaier SG

Usually this statement applies to both parties; and most of the time, lessons absorbed and actual enlightenment is usually not more than 75%.

You don't exactly CHANGE for your partner; you evolve and improve yourself to the extend where your next relationship is more breathable, easier to handle, mantain and lead.

Seriously, relationship is more than just luck. It's not really a gamble even though many people may perceive it as one. Either your relationship turned out to be a fixed match, or its within control of your own hands. Leaving a relationship to mere luck is usually delusion of karmic relationship. Had a friend who re-entered a miserable karmic relationship after being successfully left it for sometime. Marriage card is thrown into the picture and now she says that 'In life, every woman has to gamble with the fate of her marriage.'

Wtf?

P.S: Cosmic lesson taught and resisted will bring forth history repeats. Idea

Cheers

ha8n SG

some will blame it on their fate ,but there always will b sunshins\e

mahai102 SG

it's quite obvious ur girl is a stupid wanker...forget her & walk away...u'll feel less hurt than if u keep pondering on it...

sms her with the message: "u want to sell urself in geylang? i buy $10 for 2 shots"...if she shows remorse, give her 2 tight slaps for being so stupid, shag her, then dump her...show her who's boss...

Laughing

Siaobell SG

Nobody is 100% at fault, in a relationship, both are responsible for any problem that happens, just that one may be more are fault than the other, the fault will not lie solely on one person.

As for changing yourself for your partner, it depends on whether the changes are good for you, and if it is reasonable. You will be willing to change for someone you love, but know ur limit and use ur brain, see the reason to change.

People will always change over time, this is life. Whether a person who walks away from the r/s need to change or not depends on whether the person sees his/her mistake or any need for change...

Imperfect SG

It actually means that u r at least 50% at fault, meaning both contributed to the failure of the relationship.

littlestream SG

Originally posted by Devil1976:

Let's start off with the walked off person... Walked off liao, so doesn't matter right?

Then talk about you...?

Often then not, nobody's really 100% at fault during a break up... So [b]no matter how minimal the % of responsibility, there usually are some things which you can learn from it... Making better judgements, things that you should or should not do... Things which you have the tendency of doing and should avoid... If you think your ex. made alot of mistakes, don't be like him or her.... etc?
Of course, sometimess nobody's really at fault during a break up... If nothing to learn in those cases then don't learn lor? Mr. Green

Btw, when to change for your partner and when not to change for your partner is also a part of the 'lesson'... But often, there're just no definite answer to that.... [/b]

+ 2 Smile Smile Smile like this one!!!