asking for too much?

~Lyn~ SG

case 1: is it too much to request ur bf/gf to stop chat sms wif the opp sex whom ur bf/gf noe that party is interested in him/her? the thing is the other party knew ur bf/gf is attached le..

and case 2: is it too much to request ur bf/gf to refrain from sms the opp sex? knowing that the other party might develop feelings for ur bf/gf?(the other party dunno that ur bf/gf is attached)

guys do u feel irritated if ur gf requested for the above?

Takumi2eLimit SG

i won't... Wink

~Lyn~ SG

you wont feel irritated? den will there be a concept that ur gf dun trust u at all?

Takumi2eLimit SG

see how u look at it lor...different ppl different views... Wink

~Lyn~ SG

okie thanks Smile .. i need more views anyone?

cornyfish2000 SG

Since both parties are not married to each other (yet), i dun think either party has the right to restrict who the other party interacts with lor.. Even if it is a married couple, there should be a certain level of trust between husband and wife, as long as there is no evidence of cheating whatsoever.

Anyway i feel that there is no such thing as cheating if the couple is not married. Don't think it is healthy for a relationship to be sustained merely by one party tightly controlling who the other party interacts with. Cos ultimately this leads to lots of mistrust, discontentment and unhappiness. Not everyone can tolerate their partner regulating who he interacts with.

grief00 SG

I would have done that in the past, as I would feel rather insecure, knowing that my gf is being chased after by other guys. But, I've come to learn that as long as your gf loves you wholeheartedly, you should give her the freedom to do what she wants. For my case, I've given a lot of trust towards my gf, and don't mind her sms-ing/talking to her male friends.

However, letting her meet up with her EX would be a totally different thing. Oh well, at least for me. I lost her that way.

By the way, I would always try not to get too close to girls when i'm attached. But I wouldn't be too happy if my gf told me to do this or that, etc. Smile

RaTtY81 SG

is ur bf the flirty type or guai guai type?

~Lyn~ SG

I'm sorry abt that..soi guess allowing them to go out wif the person they are chatting wif isn't really safe either?

~Lyn~ SG

he did promise he wont get involve in a r/s but he just like the feeling of sms girls.. anyway i kind of think dat i shld let go and let him msg whoever he wants this decision is supported after reading the 2 other posts.. how abt letting him go out wif the girl?

grief00 SG

I guess that as long as it's just a normal fren (e.g ex-classmate, sch mate), it should be ok..

I did regret letting my gf meet her ex. But I guess if she didn't love me much enough, such situation would happen sooner or later. At least now she knows who she loves more, and she made up her decision to go back to him.

For me, I definitely suffered a fair bit, but at least it happened sooner than later.

Bottomline is, just be open towards each other, and give more trust towards ur partner. Smile If you tie him up too much, the r/s might end up undersirably too.

Hope this helps!

cornyfish2000 SG

Ultimately if he finds that u are the girl for him, u will not have to worry about him going after the other girls. No point trying to tie him down, cos u can't and it may very well get him irritated with u, bad for the relationship.

what is meant to be yours will be yours.

~Lyn~ SG

thanks i told him so to keep it open.. at least let me be aware of it.. but he's a bit reserved on dat cs he thinks i'll be very mad.. end up we keep round abt on the same spot.. it takes courage to let him do the things he wants and it's hard for him to trust that i'll be happier if he will be open to me.. i noe it's not good to be too possesive.. but any suggestins on wat both of us can do to develop the trust? this question may sound silly but just need to be open to all the options..

grief00 SG

Well, it takes time to get used to it. Let both ur bf and urself to get used to being more open towards each other, ya? Also, remember not to pull a long face when he tells u things that u don't approve. Try to always keep a smile on your face, and be interested in his matters. Once he realised that you're sincere in listening to him (without throwing any temper), he would not hide things from you in future.

Meanwhile, if there's some things that u don't approve of him doing, try to talk it out to your friends, or post some qns in the forum to see how others respond to such situations. Then, you'll get a better picture of what is wrong and what is right, and also know how to react.

~Lyn~ SG

heehee thanks a lot! u've been great help.. hahaa maybe i'm too paraniod cos got bad experiences before.. heehee will keep ur words in mind.. tried it before but gave up half way cos let anger get over me..

grief00 SG

No problem. wish you all the best in your relationship!

Tuatau SG

Originally posted by ~Lyn~:
case 1: is it too much to request ur bf/gf to stop chat sms wif the opp sex whom ur bf/gf noe that party is interested in him/her? the thing is the other party knew ur bf/gf is attached le..

and case 2: is it too much to request ur bf/gf to refrain from sms the opp sex? knowing that the other party might develop feelings for ur bf/gf?(the other party dunno that ur bf/gf is attached)

guys do u feel irritated if ur gf requested for the above?

If you let him, he would have you as a girlfriend and the other girl as a best friend.
If you don't, he woud have you or the other girl as a girlfriend and best friend.

Your choice -- trust is ultimate key, but remember if you can allow him to do it, he has to allow you to do it as well. "You do 1st; I do 15th."

If you don't like it and can't take it, let him know.
If he doesn't like it and can't take it, let him go.

Zimmerman SG

In love.....One must trust....Nonetheless, we must be prepared for the worst....always....

What will be yours, will be yours. It will come back to you even if you chase it away. What will not be yours, will not be yours, coz it will eventually go away no matter how you control it....

The person just does not love you enough, he will stray no matter what you do.

grief00 SG

Well said. Neutral

~Lyn~ SG

ya i understand prepare for the worst.. but it just gets a bit tiring at times.. so haf to try to implement some restrictions thinking that it will just ease the situation.. but it seems that it just get worse.. he'll try all means to keep it frm me.. now trying my best again to let him do it trusting him that he wont stray..

u think he'll stray even with the freedom (he wanted) is given? so hard to keep a man by ur side? give in too much he'll take advantage, too restricted, he'll just be scared off.. do u guys think it really hard to haf a guy to be faithful and wont bother abt other girls?