I hate being cruel. But I guess
sometimes in order to protect someone you have to be.
I guess the concept is very much like when my parents used to not
allow me to date or go out as freely as I would've liked to. I used
to get all upset and thought that they were just being cruel. Only
now though, I realise, that at that age...regardless of how
'mature' we deem ourselves to be, we are still susceptible to undue
influences and negative energy. In a way, they were protecting me.
'Cos they allowed me to come of age before releasing me to the even
more morbid World.
When I am better able to cope with the harsh realities of
Life.
I feel cruel now that I have to be the one to mete out the
'protection'. It does not make me feel good that I have to appear
all heartless and care-less, especially at a time when that person
needs a pillar of strength most.
I would have given everything material that I have for the
situation to not be as it is, but Fate does have its way of mocking
us, of entangling us and choking us in its powerful grasp. I did
for a time try to stand on neutral ground, but I realise that it
was often misconstrued, for he never did relent. The fine gray line
is a difficult one to tread upon, and for this reason alone, even
the strongest man does hold on to the last tatters of hope when
there isn't even a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.
Therefore I will have to walk upon this dreaded path, to be
absolutely immune to the outpouring of emotions and the affection
offered. It hurts me more than it would anyone else, but it has to
be done... for it's the only way.
