I am a male, 31 years of age. Ive been married for almost 4
years now. I have been quarreling with my wife quite often e.g. at
least once in a month average. Some quarrels are quite bad while
others are not so bad. All these quarreling have been going on
after one year of our marriage.
I have quite a bad temper and she is stubborn to the core. If I
raised my voice a little bit shed go berserk and start to mention
the D word. We had some fights before, but I must say that I was
being forced to hit her because she would pushed me around and
scratch me very hard on my neck, arms, thighs and shes also very
hurtful with her words. I would dare say that shes the one started
it first. She even kicked my spine when I ignore her questions! Id
promised her Id never hit a woman but I guess I broke the promise.
I feel really, really bad after that. I need to apologized
profusely before she would forgive me, even if she started it
all.
Third year of marriage, even more D word flying around whenever I
did something wrong. I was a smoker when we knew each other. After
marriage, I promise her I will quit. But as usual, its very hard
to quit. Ive tried many times to quit and theres a time I managed
to stop smoking for about 3 months. However, Ive started to smoke
again whenever we quarrel. If you want to know what we are
quarreling about, I will tell you. Most of the time, we would
quarrel over trivial matters, really. Sometimes we would quarrel
because she has her way of doing things while I have my own, Id
give in eventually.
She earns more than I am. Shes contributed to the flat more than I
am. She had more education than I am. But I am catching up, as I am
about to complete my studies. Somehow, I always feel that she would
threaten me with the D word whenever we quarrel, just to make me
give in? Or does she really mean it? I would always worry and feel
bad whenever she mentions the D word, hence, I would apologize to
her eventually. Sometimes, even both parties are in the wrong, I
would still apologize while she would most of the time, not
apologize. I really dont know.
Recently, weve got ourselves a maid. Actually, we had a maid
almost a year ago but we send her back in less than a week because
my wife accused me of having a thing or two with the maid. I swear
by the name of GOD I am innocent. She accused blindly just because
I was being too kind hearted that I actually take the maid out to
buy stamps for her postage to be send back to Indonesia. I was in
disbelieved. Ok, we send the maid back. Then now, after a year or
so, weve got a new maid. She starts to suspect this and that
again. Saying I was too kind to her and all that.
Almost two days ago, the maid was complaining that her alarm clock
dont work anymore. So my wife took the clock and does some
monitoring. The clock is still ticking but it will stop after some
time. I was home after a soccer game and she starts to complain to
me that the maid has lied. My wife said she put the clock on top of
the TV and set the time correctly but after about 45 minutes, the
maid pointed to her that the clock failed again. So my wife accuse
the maid that she had deliberately place the battery slightly out
of the battery compartment. I told my wife to investigate further
and without notice she accuse me of not believing in her and trust
the maid only.
Thats fine. So I took the clock and went into the bedroom and set
the time correctly and monitor it myself. About half and hour later
my wife came in and told me, Hey look the clock has stopped. I
didnt notice until she told me that. So I told my wife there,
shouldnt have accused the maid. She got mad. I was wondering what
would have benefited the maid by actually telling my wife that the
clock has stopped? Is it that if the maid tell my wife that the
clock is spoilt she dont have to use another clock hence need not
wake up on time in the morning anymore?
I was trying to stress my point to her but she just wont listen,
as usual. She even suspects me of stopping the clock deliberately.
I was again, in disbelieve! Then she took the clock and put it on
bedside table. She wants to monitor it again. Early in the morning,
she told me look! The clock is working, which is indeed true. I
tried explaining to her that maybe the batteries are not in good
working condition anymore. But she refused to accept it. We had a
quarrel. And as usual, she starts to hurl words, which really hurt
my feelings like I am not worth it. Then, I got really worked up
and asked her if she mean, lets divorce? She replied, "yes, why
not?".
From that moment onwards, I knew something is going to happen. And
that something is that the D word will no longer come out from
her mouth ever again. And I will initiate the divorce petition to
end this, forever.
However, I do not know if this is the right thing for me to do as I
have daughter. Sorry if this thread is too long but I could still
go on some more but I guess that wouldnt be necessary. Thanks for
reading and I hope to see some of your views.
1. Should I apologize, again?
2. Divorce
I think I am now ready to choose option 2 as I cant take it
anymore. But I just need to see what your thoughts are before I
really make the decision. Thanks.
