Need some help abt long term r/s

xAcc SG

I've been with my current gf for abt 3 yrs. Now its sort of tiring me out as i feel tad i'm not able to do alot of things as im young, cuz being attached u have to commit to each other. But its like all of a sudden i see so many of her flaws n start to think abt taking a rest w/o a gf. Our r/s has been perfect w/o any quarrels but as time goes i slowly feel tad she lack the personality i seek for. e.g She aint really tad motivated abt her future n mine. Which i think is very important..cuz going in long r/s since 15 aint really a right choice i guess. Sad

I've been very troubled n have no idea wad to do so hope u guys can help me Crying or Very sad

starlightz SG

since u chose this path to be with her, u shd b responsible.. how can u live her when she is commited to u? mayb u can fix a schedule with her for the week? so that u will have ur own time, and have time with her as well? every1 have flaws.. dun tell me u no flaws? mayb she already seen ur flaws long ago, but she still loves u and wants u? imagine if she love u so much accepted u for who u are, and now u treat her like tat, how will she feel?

well, sometime human do think alot and sometime on the negatives side.. so thats where ur "support" from ur love 1 comes.. shes not motivated? then u motivate her la.. give her the courage in her future..

i am sorry, juz giving my views.. hope i dun sound harsh, but hope u dun give up cos its not easy to go so far in a r/s and somemore seldom quarrel.. i understand tat u need ur time, for me when i see my gf i feel happy.. u can sayi lost contact with ard 50% of my frens already but i dun mind.. u have to sacrifice for a r/s ..

ilovemyrolex SG

Don't feel bad about it.

The fact of life is that things change, and people change too! Change is probably the only constant in life. We change with our life experiences.

A long term relationship leading to marriage should be based on two individuals growing and changing together, have common goals you are living towards, in addition, and of course, to feelings for each other and care about each other's personal growth.

Talk to her about your concerns, if she doesn't grow with you, you'd probably grow apart anyways.... then it's a matter of sooner than later....

it's your life, it's your call.

just my $0.02

Yunhaier SG

At your age, seriously, to explore and develop your own definition and mindsets regarding love, is the most important thing. At your age, marriage would probably seemed like an urban legend, somewhat distant and unimaginable. Even if you do see certain pictures of it, I am sure you are not anywhere near its vicinity.

You are losing passion and in the process, discover repelling flaws of your partner. And thoughts of giving up flash across your mind at times.

Speak. Communicate. Make Mistake. Learn.

It would probably be too fantasy to say that you would end up with her for the rest of your life. Don't focus and worry too much about making the 'right choice' when the right choice will only surface when the wrong choice is being triggered. At least when you did all you could and look back years later - it will be a good relationship. Idea

Cheers

starblue SG

whatever it is, don’t get fixated on a single thing. you should have other things in your life to motivate you. only when you’re in top condition then you can think clearly through what you want to do with this relationship. may the force be with you.

asparagus SG

wait until u have served army, my boy. then ur perspectives will change. on her part, she’ll go to uni and meet guys who are two years older than her… so anything can happen.

rumie SG

well said.

take a break from your r'ship. you probably need a break before you carry on.

xAcc SG

thx for all the advices u provided me guys Smile appreciated it. but how do i tk a little break? Confused

Tuatau SG

Originally posted by xAcc:
thx for all the advices u provided me guys Smile appreciated it. but how do i tk a little break? Confused

For a short respite, perhaps you could contact your buddies and hang out together somewhere to unwind. You could also encourage your girlfriend to do the same. Sometimes a little absence might make you appreciate her more.

However, if you are thinking of something of a longer term, like a "cool-off" period in which you could test the waters by dating other girls, then it is advisable to discuss with your girlfriend first. Bear in mind that she would also have the same right to date other guys as well.

Should negotiations fall apart, maybe it is time to re-evaluate your relationship. Do you want to carry on as per normal and let nature run its course, or do you make a clean break and not waste each other's time? Think carefully when you choose the latter, for you may never get a chance to go back again.

M©+square SG

Para 2 is strongly not advised to consider.

Idea Foundation of each individual and values in relationships should not be compromised.
Any breach of values will reap undesirable effects, hence form unfulfilment between two parties.
Dating girls/guys other then the supposed partner does not give any solutions or answers to the present issue.
Messy situations may appear, or worse, long term of hurt and unforgiveness and self infliction.
Too many assumptions here. Not advisable.

Para 3 is agreeable,
re-evaluation in a relationship is effective only when two persons involved engage in communication.
Win Win Situation.

Dear xAcc: You might be starting to realise that there is more to what you possess now.
This relationship may have reached it's reality check period; to find oneself and set pace in life(Yun on defination of life). The relationship with her have reached a wall which you're walking towards, you may thought.
From your first post in this thread, it seems like you've already lost half your heart to let her go. If that is already your decision, then you can stop your read.

Communicate first before making any decisions,
not get a decision ready and then communicate, this is unfair.

There are many reasons why she had been doing those things which you didn't like now...'your realisation of her flaws'
You might be able to see things from her perspective and savage this relationship.
Thereafter you can discuss on working things for the better or to take a break. Learn to handle a relationship carefully and thoughtfully.

All in all, remember, if you really wish to end a relationship. Leave with a good closure.

Cheers

M©+square SG

Anything could happen, so pre maturely predicting the army-uni scenario could also be sterotyping?

It happens all the time, but then again. Anything thing can happen...including miracles? Smile

Cheers