I had problems with a good friend. I don;t think there's any way
to change things but I'm still looking for closure and trying to
understand what went wrong so that hopefully, i may learn something
from it. Basically my friendshop with my good friend went to hell
after a simple misunderstanding where she got an interview with an
MNC that she did IA with, and she got mad when i told her to be
thankful for her situation (out of 200 people, only around 15 got
selected for 2nd interview) and to stop complaining. she then said
i was only sore. i was sad that i didnt get it, but not sore. I
became even sadder that she said it this way.
below is an email to a mutual friend with whom i've drifted apart
with but still remained on cordial terms-- please help and provide
any constructive opinion and suggestions.. thanks!
Hi,
Havent written to you for some time. Hows your work?
I just had a weird dream dreamt that A was throwing your things
on the floor while you looked on cuz you were neutral abt the whole
falling out incident.
I think you may not have time to read this and reply to my email,
but I really hope you will. Im just trying to find the closure for
the way things ended with A. Until today, I still dont get it, and
had a few dreams abt it.
I guess you didnt really get why I acted the way I acted when we
studied together. You should know I used to like you (I emphasized
used to so that there wont be any discomfort on your part). It
wasnt easy getting over it, youve been there, you know it. And
then the friendship thing just complicated issues. Like the time I
told you 2 I was going home when I was actually going to study
alone. It was because I felt you 2 were closer friends than me. As
to why I felt like this, it was compounded over a period of time.
When theres something to get to me and A, she would be the one to
get the msg. when we sat together in the LT, I literally felt
excluded. During the break, you 2 would chat without me. I was not
angry at this, after all you were friends before me. You have every
reason to be closer to each other. But the feeling of exclusion was
enormous. I had that feeling of exclusion even right up to during
the DP period, when materials were exchanged thru A. I dont
understand cuz I think you did see me as often as you saw her. At
this point, you have to understand that I have always known you 2
were friends; thats it, its not the kind of jealousy that M felt.
But I felt excluded very often. Even when you never introduced your
gf to me. Did you think I wasnt over you yet? (I was already
attached by that time
. And have been over you for quite
long)
And then the whole issue with A. What saddens me is the way she
chose to end things. Until today I really cant comprehend it even
a little bit. You break up with bf/gf, but you dont break up with
friends. You may drift apart from each other, but you dont just
cut them out like this (unless they cheat on you with your gf/bf or
something drastic). What shocked me was the reasons A offered not
to be (good) friends anymore. When she told me others sympathized
with her for being my good friend, do you know how downright rotten
that feels? First of all, I dont think an argument with a good
friend is something you go confiding in so many people abt, and
the way she said it, she suggested that quite a few people felt
sorry for her for being in a friendship with me. As you said it
last time when I asked you how did you and J remained best friends
for so longits give and take. You accept your friends shit, you
dont question it, because hes your friend. I thought it was the
same with her. There are parts of her that run headlong with my
values and beliefs, but I made my peace and compromise cuz we were
good friends. Its not nice to save someone seats when 90% of the
time shes either late for the lecture or didnt even show up. Yet
I still saved seats for her. To the stares of so many who wanted
the seats. I did that because she was my friend. And she could tell
me things like she couldnt put up with me anymore. It really
hurts.
You would know she sometimes made a hoo-ha out of things, given
that incident with you and her which made her avoid you like a
plague for a few weeks. You would remember the tube top incident
that she got mad abt and didnt want to talk to me for some time
too.
I seriously dont know if its because of me getting attached that
she became this way cuz she felt angry at me for not spending
enough time with her. She should know right, having been there.
There were times in year 2 and 3 when she rushed me to finish work
so tt she could be with her ex. Somehow I feel its because of
something else, from her tone. To her, I am this unbearable person
whom she has put up with for way too long and she had decided that
she would crack if we remained friends. I admit I have my faults,
who doesnt? But I know it when I provided the care she needed when
she was down and I know it when she provided the care when I was
down. Its friendship; just like any other relationships, its give
and take. I dont think I have never given to her that she has to
resort to such an extreme.
You said that sometimes I say things sarcastically. But sometimes I
didnt mean to be. I really felt that it is a possible scenario.
Like, when you took very long to reply to my sms. Ordinarily anyone
whos a friend (or thinks she is a friend) would feel upset. But
Im just trying to make myself feel better by thinking you could be
that busy that you couldnt reply sooner, though Ive never
personally been in such a busy position before.
I hope you can tell me anything you know and how you feel. Will
help me in this closure thing. I know we are not friends like
before anymore, but I still hope you can take the time to provide
me an objective viewpoint on what happened. I tried to get closure
from A, but to her, it became a issue of just being plain mean and
unforgiving. Thanks.
