Wow, it seems that you've been through a lot.
I'm 20 years old as well, and i don't know what's love either. So i
don't say i have loved anyone before.
How to start?
You have a boyfriend who's 15 years your senior, currently married
though separated, and is so busy that he rarely has time for you.
He's also an insecure person who's so scared of leaving you, that
he forbids you to work, and to be in contact with any males.
When he found out about the guy who leaves stuff at your doorstep,
he flares up and blames You for it.
He keeps in contact with you as and when he cans, and trys to meet
you up whenever he's free.
However, he would initiate break-ups ever so often, and cause you
deep hurt. When you initiated a break-up saying you can't take it
anymore, he cries and pours out all his sweet words he has been
saying all the while.
His wife has also threatened the both of you should she see you two
together.
You have stopped working, and probably cut off all contact with
your friends either, because you said you're alone.
Day in and day out, all you're living for is his messages and phone
calls. Your stack of bills slowly pile up, and you cannot pay them
because you refuse to take his money, and also because you're not
working.
That kind of sums it up right?
Now lets begin..
____________________________________________________________
Ashley, WAKE UP!
Can't you see what you're doing..?
You've given up your ENTIRE life, your friends, your jobs, your
relationship with Everyone.
And for what..?
For a relationship that has been persecuted by everyone. A rocky
relationship in which both sides are suffering. One that has no
winners.
As i said, i don't know a lot about love, but i don't think Love =
Suffering + Not having a life!
No, its definately not that. I think you got your defination of
Love all wrong.
You want to leave him, but you couldn't. Why..?
1) You still like him alot, and think about the good things he has
done for you.
2) Your entire life is messed up, and you're afraid to let him go.
Because he is the Only familiar thing in your life. Even if he
causes you pain, you know that he'll be there.
But Ashley, BEcause he is there, that is why your whole life has
gone down the drain! You're not living for anything else anymore.
You're living only for HIM!
And is he worth it.? Ask yourself. Is he worth it?
Is he worth it, for you to stay at home all the time, leaving you
all alone in this world, forbidding you to make any male friends,
forbidding any contact with males at all.
Is he worth it, for you to cry tears and tears for him, when all he
does is to treat you mean? Yes, he treats you well sometimes, but
do you not admit he hurts you... alot?
Ashley, you're 20. Twenty years old. You should be having the time
of your life, enjoying all the beauty that Mother Earth gave us,
living a carefree life before you start work.
But at this rate, i don't know where you will be in 5 years time,
10 years time.
Probably still living this life, probably not. But are you going to
endure another 10 years of pain? Can you even possibly marry a man,
10 years from now, who has dealt you so much pain, robbed you of
everything Life has to offer?
Do you not think that you have dedicated enough of your time to
him?
It is time to make a decision in this lose-lose relationship.
What will it be?