Part 4 (last)
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce
intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a
stranger. ! So when I carried her out for the first day, we both
appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, "daddy is holding mummy
in his arms." His words brought me a sense of pain. From the
bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten
meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly,
"Let us start from today, don't tell our son." I nodded, feeling
somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went
to wait for bus, I drove to office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on
my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her
blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman
carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more.
There were some fine wrinkles on her face.
On the third day, she whispered to me, "The outside garden is being
demolished. Be careful when you pass there."
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we
were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my
arms. The! visualization of Dew became vaguer.
On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such
as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while
cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even
stronger.
I didn't tell Dew about this.
I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout
made me stronger. I said to her, "It seems not difficult to carry
you now."
She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She
tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she
sighed, "All my dresses have grown fatter." I smiled. But I
suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could
carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had
buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of
pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.
Our son came in at the moment. "Dad, it's time to carry mum out."
He said. To him, seeing his father ! carrying his mother out had
been an essential part of his life. She ge stured our son to come
closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was
afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my
arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the
hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held
her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her
much lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a
step. Our son had gone to school. She said, "Actually I hope you
will hold me in your arms until we are old."
I held her tightly and said, "Both you and I didn't notice that our
life was lack of such intimacy."
I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was
afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked
upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I won't
divorce. I'm serious."
She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. "You got
no fever." She sa! id. I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Dew,"
I said, "I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage
life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details
of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I
understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth
to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have
to say sorry to you."
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then
slammed the door and burst into cry. I walked downstairs and drove
to the office.
When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for
my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the
greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, "I'll carry you out
every morning until we are old."
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