I'm quite sure Im kind of tipsy now after a few bottles of
forbidden fruit, and I think that's why I'm actually able to make
myself share this with all.
I had never felt so lost before in my life! I always thought that
god has been real kind to me - giving me entirely the best thing in
life, and letting me meet my fiancée. Yes, we have been together
for seven years, and she is definitely the first woman in my life.
However, such generosity from god almighty is finally reaching a
junction!
Just half a year ago, I propose to her after finally sorting out my
thoughts. I realised that she is the woman of my life, and I
sincerely want to provide her with all the happiness she ever
wanted. I can still remember the sweetness of the proposal when she
accepted it. I really felt like Im nothing less than the most
successful guy in the world not because of anything, but simply
because both my fiancée and me are deciding to move together,
whether in the better or worse. I do not know what is happening
now, and definitely do not know why just after half a year, things
are starting to go astray. We have since gone separate ways for the
past two months after some form of confusion something I
seriously do not know (or maybe I do!). Perhaps the pressure of
commitment has really weighed both of us down. There seems to be so
many reasons why we are no longer together, but then again, it
seems altogether too vague at the same time.
Just to reminisce a bit, I started to take notice of her when I was
in secondary 2. However, I had never made known my feelings towards
her until I was secondary 4. At that time, sadly, a friend of mine
backstabbed me, and as a result, my fiancée and my friend got
together. However, this did not stop me from wanting to be with
her. She has always been in my mind, and I was ready to wait for
the best to happen to me. I guess finally my effort was paid off
after about one year when they break up. I decided that it is best
that I do something about it, and try to win her heart. Sadly, at
that time, she never took fancy of me at all. We remain as friends
for the remaining months to come, and I never gave up hope at
all.
As a friend then, I was always very encouraging towards whatever
she is doing, and always supported her decision. At the same time,
I never forget to constantly show my care and concern to her, and
making her feel appreciated. For at least six months, I would page
(pager was still popular then) her every night to say goodnight,
and will also send her letter at least once a week to tell her
about myself. At that time, she still did not feel anything for me.
But that did not stop me from wanting to grab my own happiness. I
was very lucky to have friends that were very supportive then, and
they always try to do whatever possible to help me. I guess my
effort finally paid off when after half a year, hints from my
friends suggest that my fiancée is finally taking notice of me, and
will worry at times as well.
Finally, I mustered enough courage to ask her if she was willing to
be my girlfriend then, but was rejected. I was sad, and was already
quite disillusioned then, having put in so much effort already!
Heaven has been kind to me! The following day after the rejection,
we were supposed to go for a cruise together with many other
friends. I actually do not want to go, but was finally persuaded to
go by my friend. On the boat, there were once again many chances
created for us by our friends. I thought I should just give myself
one more tries then, and decided to ask her again. In a very
dramatic scenario (I like this to me personal), she agreed to be my
girlfriend. I guess the rest is history
(It took me four years to
achieve this amazing feat!)
For the past seven years, there were many ups and downs, and of
course we braved through all these storms. Things have never been
better when just half a year ago, I finally decided to propose to
her. That happy moment has been one of the best memories till date!
We were very happy, and definitely blissful. I want to take up that
responsibility towards her, and definitely want to be the best
husband to her in the world again this is history too
She has always been a girl that desire to be loved, and definitely
need me to take care of her. She has never been a person who is
able to decide what she wants, and constantly needing me to plan
for her. Of course I enjoy that process of taking responsibility.
(Im a very traditional man!). I admit that because of that, Im
also a bit of MCP. It was working fine all these while until
Just
about 3 years ago, having realised that she is having difficulty in
getting the right career, I decided to give her a helping hand. I
introduce her to a friend of mine who is a financial advisor, and
robe her into the finance industry. One for my fiancée strength is
that she is a very determine and focus person (but seriously not
decisive enough yet to make her own independent decisions), and she
will go all out to satisfy her thirst for success.
Its been since two months after separation, and I really was
thinking that did I bring this to myself! She has totally changed
since she tasted success in the industry. Although Im always there
to support her in many areas, I believe she is now starting to
believe that she is able to think for herself (and start to make
independent decisions). Im not sure really, but I do believe that
she is trying too hard to prove her worth to me! From the very
first day she stepped into this industry, I have always been
providing her with all the support she needed, be it financially or
morally. In a way, she is now thinking that she is staying with me
because she feels indebted to me. I was really shocked to know
that! I didnt know that what I had been doing for the relationship
has become something she felt complied.
All of a sudden, many things started happening between us. For a
start, she no longer care about me, and the career is all that
matters. Suddenly, the commitment towards our relationship is
questionable! She is feeling very pressurised when is with me, and
she cannot find comfort at all when with me. From the sole
supporting pillar, I suddenly felt more and more like a hindrance
to her career. Did I mould her to what is now, or did my way of
doing things make it a pressure to her? I can say for sure that
without me, there will be no career for her! But am I betting on
this too much? Does mixing around with different people or
successful people make her realised that Im actually not the right
person for her?
I have to admit that at time, I did feel threaten by her booming
career and success. No doubt I made her what she is now, it doesnt
really carry much weight thou! I understand that relationship
should not be measured this way, but I really cannot understand the
sudden change in her! Yes, she did tell me how she suddenly felt
towards me for the past months, but why didnt she say anything? I
can still remember the promise we made half a year ago when we were
engaged does that not carry any more weight now?
I seriously very affected by what has happened, and have been
trying to find an answer to it! My life has totally change suddenly
after seven years, and I do not know where I will be moving on from
here! I sincerely want to know from her what is going on, and what
exactly is the problem! I cannot accept the fact that just half a
year ago, we were so happy together literally not able to live
without each another everyday and night. This change is just so
sudden! Im not prepared to give her up, and I know that by giving
up like this, not just will I not know what happened, I will also
never forgive myself if something serious is happening to her life,
and Im not there for her when she needed me most
Love is not about having, its about giving
