Falling for a friend

NhuButler SG · 2004-12-09T16:25:34+00:00

Yunhaier is a lecturer? Whoa........

NhuButler SG

Seems that communication has become awkward after we declared our feelings for each other.

What's the most seamless way to move from friends to lovers? Anyone been through this before?

Would really appreciate it as I feel quite lost now.

icyprincess SG

yea i have been thru this before. just a few months ago to be turthful.
i told him that i liked him, then he got angry at me for a while lor. dat time really awkward. but then after dat he came over to apologize and then said wud like to continue be my fren. so i just agreed and from then on, i treat him as a good fren only nia. so now nothing between us already, but i m glad to say dat the frenship is still safe. i wud be really sad to lose it...

i.c.y

pipi & poot-poot SG

Congrats …. & all d best

BabyLover SG

ya been thru it. from v gd frens to lovers then back to gd frens...
guess its juz diff... we r more suitable to be gdfrens..
gd thing the frenship wasnt lost...
so u hv to prepare for this... cos sumtimes when being lovers dun work out,
u will even lose a fren.
moving on frm frens to lovers...
its pretty natuaral... if his shy then mayb u can start by making the atmosphere not so tense, n being touchy.. like talk n laugh n touch his hand or face or hair kinda thing...
im sure if theres some contact... he will be more at ease n everything will come natuarally. Wink

Devil1976 SG

1st time? Cool

xking SG

take a break loh..now sure akward de.
After some time..things will go back to normal.
I mean...just be compose ba..haha.
Cos theres no standard way de ba...

wd1 SG

i've been there before too...

yeap take a break for awhile, then slowly start communicating again, maybe by sms or email so its not too personal or emotional. make it clear that there are no more romantic feelings involved n its just normal frenship.

take heart!! a lot of platonic boy and girl friendships were once attached.

KumSioJui SG

unless there is desire in the first place otherwise dun recommend frens falling for each other.

you will be going thru the charade process of bf & gf relationships, like touch here touch there kissing etc ... for the sake of doing it. There will be a lot of unnatural expectations "for the sake of the relationship" since you are a couple like very mian chiang liddat.

but because if you dun desire each other in the end you will break up "for the sake of your own happiness" if either of you find somebody else and like it or not there will be jealousies and the friendship will sour, will not be like before.

but you declare already wat to do? go thru the charade.

_Aaron_ SG

How close were the two of you before you two declared your feelings for each other?

Frankly speaking, i almost had this happen to me, but my subconscious mind told me to pull out =_="'

Perhaps the easiest way to start is by holding hands? Once you get through the initial awkwardness of holding hands, hugging and stuff will come naturally to the two of you, i believe. (Can't personally attest to this though).

Good luck with your new relationship~

Yunhaier SG

Whenever such thingy happen, I always remember the words of my ex-marketing lecturer.

'The most important aspect in sales in closure. Because even if you could have the best ability to sell, made your most impressive talk, or spend much time on your customer, if you DON'T know how to close a deal - no deal, no money.'

Similiar to that of Love.

***

If you expect a relationship out from your chase, do what you must to make that happen. Most guys have this damn problem of ceasing operation or giving up at the most critical point. If your intention is merely an expression of feeling and nothing else, then there is no problem right from the start. You can begin the same way you and her were before, with you having the initiative to be normal first. Idea

Cheers

frOst^~^nOva SG

well it happened to me before and i've lost a friend just like that. well i guess what's meant to be is meant to be. Wink

foxwalk SG

well, there';s no easy way to do it, i;ve been there... friendship's affected.. well, too bad then.. but at least i've got closure.

NhuButler SG

Hey Yunhaier,

Agree completely with your point.

Does closure mean literally asking her to be my girlfriend? That would be a little awkward and so old-fashioned. What do you suggest? How else can closure be achieved?

verloren SG

There must be mutual attraction in order for friends to advance to lovers.

After you've declared your feelings for her, is her response positive or negative?

If she said, "Give me some time to think about it," there may be hope. Assuming that she DID say that, you'll really have to give her some time to think about it.

"Some time" usually means 2~3 weeks(for most girls), but there are some who will take 2~3 months. During this period, you can still keep in touch with her, but DO NOT ask her for a r/s.

When "some time" is up, it's time to prompt her for an answer. If she still says, "no," then I suggest that you should just move on.

(Note: My suggestions are made on the assumption that your girl is the normal type who has less than 2 ex-boyfriends.)

However, if she said, "Let's just be friends/I'm not ready yet/I want to focus on my studies," then forget it. If a girl doesn't like you from Day 1, she will never like you. That's because you're in her 'Friends' list, not 'Lovers' list.

And unless you're as suave as Pierce Brosnan or as charming as Brad Pitt, it's impossible to jump list.

Conclusion: Either she likes you, or not. Period.

Yunhaier SG

Well, there is no rule on how you wanna pop the question. If you have no other way in your head other than saying it, then please do. Because, you would lose the magic rapidly after expression, without the actual relationship bonds and could backfire what hardship you took to build during this period.

Awkwardness is social norms; love knows no awkwardness. Idea

Cheers

_Aaron_ SG

I dunno, young lovers always experience awkwardness, or so i've heard.

shaunlaw SG

If u 2 love each other, whats the big problem????

Have u ever felt that the person u love is just next to u and she seems yet so far from u????

Yunhaier SG

Not really; most of them felt inexperienced - like doing something new. Awkwardness derives from shyness, the inability to express emotions. A common thing in guys, whose early childhood have been taught to mask emotions instead of expressing them. Asian values contributed to this as well.

And in fact, most people hesitated in face of love because of fear; the fear of rejection, the fear of mis-handling and the lack of confidence to pursue a relationship, having doubts and fear to experience failure ultimately.

***

What do you want?

What do you wish to pursue?

How can you achieve it?

Then do it.

You already reached to a stage where the iron is slightly over-heated and before it gets cool down, you had better know what you want and know what you ought to do. Remember: passions dies out faster than you can spell it.

Cheers

NhuButler SG

What is the socially acceptable method of asking for a steady relationship amongst our peers nowadays?

Literally asking her to be your girlfriends sounds really old-fashioned and awkward. The other extreme -- not saying anything and assuming both parties want the same -- can be misleading too.

What do you guys do?

_Aaron_ SG

Another old-fashioned way is to watch a movie, then just grab her hand lor.
Not to mention, walk walk a bit, then slowly itch towards hand and grab.

Since holding hands = having r/s in Singapore, this should be clear enough. Though you Have to be sure she's willing to have a r/s with you. Else she may slap your hand away or something..