The Story Of Jin and Jo
I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always
thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip
from a club. I found that I fell in love with him. Before that trip
was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him and soon, we
became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different
ways.
I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so
many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I
was just another girl.
"Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?" I asked.
Jin: "I can't."
Me: "Why? You need to study at home? I felt disappointment grabbing
me."
Jin: "No. I am going to meet a friend."
He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was
nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word "love" only came
out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say "I
love you" before. To us, there weren't any anniversaries at all. He
didn't say anything from the first day and it continued till 100
days, 200days. Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand
me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don't know why. Then one
day...
Me: "Um, Jin, I..."
Jin: "What? Don't drag, just say."
Me: "I love you."
Jin: "You... Um, just take this doll and go home."
That was how he ignored my three words and handed me the doll. Then
he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from
him everyday filled my room, one by one. There were many. Then one
day came, my 15th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning,
I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room,
waiting for his call.
But lunch passed, dinner passed and soon the sky was dark, he still
didn't call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore.
Then around 2AM in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me
from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt
joy and I ran out happily.
Me: "Jin..."
Jin: "Here. Take this."
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: "What's this?"
Jin: "I didn't give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you
now. I'm going home now, bye."
Me: "Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?"
Jin: "Today? Huh?"
I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned
around and walked away like nothing had happen. Then I shouted.
"Wait..."
Jin: "You have something to say?"
Me: "Tell me, tell me you love me."
Jin: "What?"
Me: "Tell me."
I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said
simple cold words and left.
Jin: "I don't want to say that I love someone so easily, if you are
desperate to hear it, then find someone else."
That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb and I
collapsed to the ground. He didn't want to say it easily. How could
he! I felt that maybe he is not the right guy for me. After that
day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn't call
me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little
doll every morning outside my house. That's how those dolls piled
up in my room everyday.
After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what
made the pain resurface was that I saw him on a street with another
girl. He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me as he
touched the doll. I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls
in my room, and tears fell.
Me: "Why did he gave these to me?"
Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls. In a fit
of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang.
It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my
house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I
kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that it's
going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.
Jin: "Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?"
I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and
joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual.
Me: "I don't need it."
Jin: "What? why?"
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: "I don't need this doll, I don't need it anymore! I don't want
to see a person like you again!"
I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other
days, his eyes very shaking.
Jin: "I'm sorry."
He apologized in a tiny voice. He then walked over to the road to
pick up the doll.
Me: "You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll? Just throw it
away!"
But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then... Honk~
Honk~ with a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
"Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted.
But he didn't hear me, he squatted down and picked up the
doll.
Me: "Jin, move!"
HONK~
*Boom!* That sound, so terrifying. That's how he went away from me.
That's how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one
word to me. After that day, I had to go through everyday with
guiltiness and the sadness of losing him and after spending two
months like a crazy person I took out the dolls. Those were the
only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I
remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days
when we were in love.
"One... two... three..." That was how I started to count the dolls.
"Four hundred and eighty four... four hundred and eighty five." It
all ended with 485 dolls. I then started to cry again, with a doll
in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly.
"I love you~, I love you~"
I dropped the dolls, shocked.
"I...lo..ve..you?"
I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.
"I love you~ I love you~"
It can't be! I pressed all the dolls' stomach as it piled on the
side.
"I love you~" "I love you~" "I love you~"
Those words came out non-stop.
"I love you~"
Why didn't I realize that? That his heart was always by my side,
protecting me. Why didn't I realize that he love me this much. I
took out the doll under the bed and pressed it's stomach, that was
the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood
stain on it. The voice came out, the on that I was missing so
much.
"Jo... Do you know what today is? We've been loving each other for
486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn't say I love you....
Um... Since I was too shy. If you forgive me and take this doll, I
will say that I love you everyday till I die... Jo... I love
you!"
The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked. God, why do I
only know about all this now? He can't be by my side, but he loved
me until his last minute for that and for that reason to me it
became courage to live a beautiful life.
It's better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than
lose someone that you love with your useless pride!