Hi,
People click bec of many reasons. usually bec they are of the same
wave length _whatever that means- or that they share common grounds
and interests such as hobbies etc.
I have not paid much attention to your previous posting but from
this posting, you seem like a rather analytical person. The way you
approach things are quite different to most chin-chye type where
anything goes. That in itself is not really a problem it jsut that
for the time being you will find that it is a little hard for
people to understand or fully grasp what you say and for you to
speak similar lingos etc except with people who talk and analyse
things in similar fashion.
As to having fun, its all about letting yourself go. Tellinig
yourself that it is alright to cut yourself some slack, even if you
make mistakes, its ok, its done, no major damage, forgive yourself
and than go on and make the next mistake! In Life you cannot avoid
making mistakes as you live trying to do as much good as you can.
So since making mistakes is part of living, just accept that and
learn to use mistakes and not let it depress you or control you
through fear etc. God forgives you readily so its ok to cut
yourself some slack and forgive yourself.
having many friends is great but you will soon realised that you
can only ever have so many close friends. The rest are just mere
acquitances. Dont be fooled into thinking that some people have
tons and tons of friends... yes they do but they are not friends
whom they share their secrets with, they are not friends who will
go out of their way to help... they are just mere acquitances. You
will need and you will find your close group of friends. Usually in
life if you have more than 5 close friends in your life time, you
are honestly living quite a rich life. But somehow I suspect that
that is not something taht you realised as yet. What you feel as of
now is that those popular guys seems to have tons of friends...
well to a certain extent you can have the same too but the issue
here really is, you have a rich close net work of friends but you
cannot meet them all the time. so what do you do for teh rest of
the time??? Th is where your admiration of your popular firends
come in, when they are not with their close firends, they are with
their acquitances. Which kinds of like are fill-ins which makes
them able to enjoy the "spare" time better!
But again, you have to know yourself, your personality type. if you
are the introverted type, you can through time change yourself to
some degree but dont kill yourself doing it.
Loneliness do cause people to get depress, espeically during
holidays where there is no formalised structure nor a regular
meeting of familar faces. It is not unsual for your mood to dip
somewhat from time to time during this period.
So what can you do, cultivate interests and join in interest group
activities. That is a good way to start. Next learn to listen. Dont
offer any answers espeically solutions. communications is more than
just the offering of solutions. focus on the human elements in the
conversations. on the joy the excitment, the details, the sorrow
etc. Dont be too fast to talk either, pick up many topics, current
topics of interest, know why you are interested in that topic and
offer your views, learn as much as you can... then talk to your
friends. surely some of them will share similar interests and you
can have interesting conversations. Make it fun and dont judge.
after the converstaion, if they had fun with you, they will more
likely reply to your sms and want to meet you again bec they
remembered in their mind that they had fun with you. from there on,
bond with them not just on topics but just banter and banter.. bit
by bit familiarity will make you many more good friends.
Hope this helps somewhat. I have made some assumptions here hope
they are relevant.
Take care.
Oh about self confidence, it is something that you build first by
liking yourself. YOu can learn to like yourself even when you are
not in the best state or circumstances. liking yourself is more
tahn circumstantial. Its just simply an acceptance of who you are.
So get to know yourself better, read personality books and do some
sort of profiling, learn to accept the good and the bad of yourself
- all of us have to do this sometime in our life time not just you
- and once you are comfortable being under your own skin, you will
feel strangely stronger and more confident - then you will not be
so vulnerable to what others think and consequently living out a
self fulfilling prophesy of acting in a way that you think others
expects you to act and not being yourself and thereby erroding your
identity and selfworth
So learn more about yourself, accept yourself, be comfortable with
yourself, and that way, confidence will grow and you will start
speaking and living a life that is different from what it is.
Oh about the way you thnk and talk, it is not a problem but learn
to express your tots in other more "user-friendly" ways. pick up
similar speaking style and words from friends who can convey
similar ideas without going into a analytical debate etc... just
pay attention to how others use words and how how they talk. there
is lots to learn form that.
