To tell? And how to tell?

Uncle_MooMoo SG

Hi guys, I'm in a super dilemma now and would appreciate your opinions.

Basically I know of this adult Friend some years back and do meet up from time to time to do a common sport-interest. Recently I met him at a event and since he recently started a company, I helped him gain exposure for his brands and has brought us closer. He has a fair amount of trust in me and I know many of his costs and I also get some of this products free or at cost price.

Point being a couple of weeks back, he asked me a question about my life and while I was caught off-handed and was zonked out. So in my impulse and also to avoid being stereotyped, I said a lie. Time to time after, that lie has been retold because of some related questions and discussion. Now, I want to come clean with him and the thing is that I'm not exactly against people knowing that about me, just that when he asked, I was caught by surprise and my impulse took over. However I believe telling him the truth would cause him to be super-dissapointed that I even lied in the first place though I would explain that it is my personal barrier of being labled. Also, all the trust, rapport etc. would come tumbling down.

I know it's better to let him know the truth about a part of my life and I don't mind him knowing, what I mind is him thinking I'm a liar and deciever. I've got 2 options here:

1.) Let him know the truth and explain why I said the lie on impulse, let him be angry and hopefully get over it over time though it'd be really awkward next time we meet.
What's more he's fairly easily agitataed and with the trust and stuffs like that he have in me, it'd be a major shit. It might even get fairly violent and shoutings are for sure. Actually I won't mind his shouting though because at least it means he still thinks highly of me and is just dissapointed, silence would be that he has given up all hope and expectations.

2.) Avoid him for some time.
He's fairly forgetful and forgets stuff about me after some of our lost contact, also he will be spending alot more time in his family with issues coming up. Point being I'm taking a gamble here, if I avoid him well without bumping into him and he forgets about it, so I can tell the truth next time he asks, good. If he finds out in the meantime, he'd be super pissed that I didn't clarify.

Argh, help! Sad

[email protected]_arms SG

wad was the question and wad was the lie?

skybellzz SG

i guess it all depends on how important that question impacts on your business.

In order to maintain that trust, i guess you have to really tell him the truth rather than letting him find it out....but do it in a roundabout way, like asking him instead, "i had a friend who lied to me for very long, and i just gotten to know the truth. I dunno how to react, what do you think i should do? actually he din mean to lie to me, it's just that he was caught off-handed and to maintain the trust he decided to retell the lie time and again." then later slowly break the truth that it's you who's the culprit so that the impact is not too great.

If his character is such that you know it will definitely boom the whole deal, i guess you should try to avoid the topic whenever you talk.

Maybe know him better, let him gain trust in you in other ways before you break that truth? in the meantime, still avoid the topic better.

Uncle_MooMoo SG

It's actually a question of my personal life and doesn't affect his business. In fact I'm not in his business, just that he trusts me and I help him out in whatever ways I can.

Yeah I know it's right to tell him the truth and don't mind him knowing the truth, but letting him know I lied would definately destroy or at least damage the relationship.

Yeah I'm kindda thinking I should just avoid it and take the gamble, but any other perspectives folks? I'm really into this mess and in a whirl. Thks

gerrykoh SG

Can’t help u unless we know what sort of lie.

Devil1976 SG

Think you're kinda right...? It'll be VERY DIFFICULT to access the situation like that...?